Any parents that can give me help on this issue please!!? School run!!

[Overandout74]

Okay so I'm a very high risk pregnancy and currently at 30 weeks. Top and bottom of it is I have a mechanical Heart valve, aortic stenosis and suffered a heart attack 8 weeks ago. I've been told by the consultants (im under 4) that if I over do it there could be consequences and I'll admitted for constant bed rest.

My issue is I have three children (boys) all returning to school in the next few days.. So I'm left doing the school run every day.
My fiance and mum work and I've no one else to help me.

The problem with the school run is it's 20 minutes walk there and back and that's twice a day 7 days a week. I can barely Walk 10 metres without being out of breath and in pain and tbh If my consultants thought I was doing it I'd be brought in for sure.

What else can I do though I've nobody to do it for me? I don't think my mum and fiancé really understand the seriousness of if In all fairness although I've told them. They see me on a good day and assume I'm okay.

Even so they can't do it due to work.

I'm at a loss. Please any advice is appreciated.

tell the school the children will not be attending due to your illness and the lack of help. That might galvanise a reaction from them.
Contact social services through your GP to get help. You need help and can't go on like this.

OP the lack of support from your so called nearest and dearest is heartbreaking to read, you deserve so much better than this, especially from your partner. I know it must feel like life would be even harder on your own but I'm honestly not sure it would be, please think very carefully before you marry this man.

For the moment though you need to make sure you're getting all the help you're entitled to from your local authority. Definitely speak to your midwife, she may well be able to signpost all the other services available to help you. Also the Educational Welfare Officer as previously mentioned. To be blunt though, if you don't ask you don't get and, hard though I can appreciate it must be when you're already exhausted, you need to be proactive in searching out the help you need.

Your situation obviously won't have a quick fix but it's time to stop 'managing', your health depends on it. If there are any phone calls I can make on your behalf to save you some of the work to get everything sorted please let me know, I'd be more than happy to help anyway I can. Would you feel comfortable telling us what general area you're in, I'm sure the local MN community will rally round and lend a hand til you can get things sorted properly, I know I will if I'm near enough to you.

I'm sure there is practical support available to you though, you just have to find out how to access it. I wonder if Homestart would be able to help, worth asking. Also there may be funding through your local authority to get some help around the house, again it's worth asking. I hesitate to mention Social Services because I think most of us fear their involvement because we generally only hear the bad stuff but I know several families who've asked for help for various reasons and they've had brilliant support with none of the horror story 'interference' we all worry about. Lots of ideas on this thread for you to think about anyway and, once you know where you want to start, my offer stands if I can help in any way at all.

No doubt one thing to tackle at a time is plenty for you at the moment but I also think at some point starting a thread in relationships about the way your fiancé treats you would be a good idea. From what you've said there's a lot that isn't right about the way he treats you and I hate to think of you carrying on indefinitely putting up with it

Hi guys.
So again thank you so much for all your comments and advice.
To answer a previous comments. Yeah my condition is congenital but only just come to surface 4 years ago when after the birth of my third son I was rushed to Icu with endocarditis.
I needed emergency open heart surgery after being stabilised for a week.
Since then they found the aortic stenosis which is now servere but not quite a surgery point.
I take two injections a day.. I'm on beta blockers and asprin aswell.
I suffer from servere anxiety and minor depression because of all the issues.
22 weeks into my pregnancy I suffered a minor heart attack due to my medication being incorrect so it caused a clot on my valve.

Since then I've suffered fatigue and struggle for all the obvious reasons.
I have palpations.
The list goes on..

So today Ive done everything suggested.
Firstly I rang my midwife who suggested to ring the school.
She said she will ask around but doesn't think she can magically help.
So I rang the school who basically said they've tired all options and the only thing they can offer is the breakfast club. Also said I could contact social services. But that is all they could suggest.

So I've three options.
Contact social services and risk a being labelled a incompetent parent.
Ask my mum to do mornings (if she can) and folk out taxis.
Or admit defeat and tell the doctors I can't do it.
I'm really sorry there is probably masses of errors in here but I'm just so tired.

Honestly felt like giving in and just think myself as worthless sometimes. I never felt like this not pregnant. But I've never asked for help before.

Also I appreciate all the offers of help I'm so grateful I'm just concerned about outing my identity because of everything I've disclosed I hope you can appreciate that

OP, I can't believe how much you have on your plate.

I am astounded that the father of your children, who presumably is perfectly healthy, is leaving it to their extremely ill mother to get them to school. He is their father too. Doesn't matter if he only sees them twice a week. How bad a parent do you have to be to think that is sufficient? It makes my blood boil. Is there seriously no way he could step up and come get them every morning/drop them every afternoon. If you weren't around, he'd have to do it.

But in the likely event that he continues to act like an asshole as does your fiance, I think the call to the church could be helpful. Also email the school and say you have no way of getting your children to attend without causing a possible fatal event for yourself. Copy the LEA, the board of governers as well.

I don't think contacting social services will label you as incompetent - just someone needing support because of a medical condition.

and please don't marry your fiance. he is awful.

I agree, LEA and local churches definitely worth a call, also I doubt SS would deem you incompetent, they tend to view parents asking for help (especially due to ill health/difficult circumstances) totally differently to parents who come to their attention by being reported or flagged via other agencies. Homestart are also still worth a try if you have a centre in your area. Don't give up, the help will be there you just sometimes have to go round the houses a bit to find it.

Don't hold out much hope ss will help. I was unable to get my dc to school at one point ( bed bound due to disability) they and the Lea both refused to help as I wasn't a single mother. They said my dh needed to leave his job. In the end we sent our four and ten year old in a taxi , which wasn't ideal.

Have a read through this OP, if there is a service in your area your situation is exactly the sort of thing they can help with www.home-start.org.uk/about-us

Try contacting your local MP- sometimes a call from an MPs office can make things happen which were previously 'impossible'.

Give them as much detail as possible, explaining that you want to make sure that a) you don't die & b) your kids get to school.
Good luck.

Not really Hiding, homestart offer three hours a week only and you have to be with your child the whole time. Ie in the same house, park etc