Any parents that can give me help on this issue please!!? School run!!

[Overandout74]

Okay so I'm a very high risk pregnancy and currently at 30 weeks. Top and bottom of it is I have a mechanical Heart valve, aortic stenosis and suffered a heart attack 8 weeks ago. I've been told by the consultants (im under 4) that if I over do it there could be consequences and I'll admitted for constant bed rest.

My issue is I have three children (boys) all returning to school in the next few days.. So I'm left doing the school run every day.
My fiance and mum work and I've no one else to help me.

The problem with the school run is it's 20 minutes walk there and back and that's twice a day 7 days a week. I can barely Walk 10 metres without being out of breath and in pain and tbh If my consultants thought I was doing it I'd be brought in for sure.

What else can I do though I've nobody to do it for me? I don't think my mum and fiancé really understand the seriousness of if In all fairness although I've told them. They see me on a good day and assume I'm okay.

Even so they can't do it due to work.

I'm at a loss. Please any advice is appreciated.

12 pound a day is 60 quid a week I literally don't have because I've had to drop my hours due to my illness so I'm on little income.
And believe it or not I get winged at when I spend money on taxis.
Ballet.
Yes the infection is called endocarditis and it nearly killed me 4 years ago.

It's very similar and I'm at high risk for that too.
Ive considered hospital stay but then I'd be leaving the children.
It really hard for me atm. I actually feel alone and guilty for being so Ill x

The thing is prior to pregnancy my illness affects me zero amounts.
I became pregnant due a failed coil!!
Although it's absolutely worth ohh and this one's a girl
This is the only time I've needed help.
How would I go about getting a mobility scooter?
I'm going to look into all these options.
I'm praying something comes up.. Otherwise I think I'll have to go in.
If it isn't done he kicks off and calls me lazy and moans he has been working all week. Basically I feel guilty.

And you are still with this man because.....?

The problem here is your partner. He isn't in this partnership at all.

I'm 99% certain that most men would be shit scared and doing everything and anything to help if their wife had a heart attack.

Yes it was endocarditis the person I know had. It was very very serious.

Worst case scenario and you were hospitalised what would happen op?

Why are you marrying this awful, unsupportive man? Your posts are so sad. You have nothing to feel guilty about and you must follow medical advice. I really feel for you .

Yet another woman putting up with a hapless, thoughtless, selfish twat.

Stop cooking, cleaning, etc beyond the minimum needed for the kids, for a start.
Talk to the GP immediately about local scooter provision - he's likely to know where to point you. And stop pandering to be adult child you live with.

Are you eligible for pip?

Ask either the school or your midwife to do an fCAF assessment (family Common Assessment Framework). This will ensure all agencies (ie your medical people, and the school) have to talk to each other and come up with a plan of action to ensure the boys get to school for the next few months whilst you can't walk.

over I really think you need to seriously consider taking the hospital stay option. You need to speak to one of your 4 consultants and explain that if you stay at home you will have to do:

1. The school run (be clear about the effort this entails)
2. The cleaning (be clear that you have been unable to get your husband to understand the seriousness of your illness, despite him attending appointments with you)
3. Anything other ill-advised activities that your family/husband require you to do at the moment.

Then ask the consultants what they would recommend is the best option for you. Be clear with them that your husband will not support (allow?) you to do any less than this whilst you stay at home.

Please take care of your health, and take the safest option here. Your children and future baby need you in their lives long term, and as healthy as possible. Going into hospital will force your husband and family to do the right thing for a short period of time, and will potentially save your life.

By the sounds of it, you will probably end up in hospital very soon anyway if you carry on like this. Except of course it may end up being an emergency with the potential to cause long term damage (or death) to you and/or your unborn child.

I don't know anymore I'm so tired of it all
I've had so many arguments and every time I'm left feeling upset guilty and crying myself to sleep I never asked for any of this.
Worst case scenario If I'm hospitalised due to my illness. I could strain my heart so much that I need open heart surgery. Or another attack. It is that serious.
The fatigue is unreal and I have to force myself out of bed most days.
I always have to get too and from the hospital on public transport because I've nobody to take me. When I've asked for lifts I feel like I burdening people.
My mum has done alot but last time we had a conversation over it she said "what else do you want from me"
So I push myself to get up and get things done.
I've treated myself a couple of times to my nails done and was made to feel guilty for that. If I'm well enough for that then... You get the picture x

Why do you put up with that?!

He isn't a man. A man would support his family especially when his partner is very ill

You poor thing. Your husband needs to wake up and your mum is not much help either. You deserve some proper care in your life.

Can you make an appointment with your midwife or doctor and tell them everything? You really need support and help, please ask. You aren't a burden, you shouldn't feel guilty.

It sounds as if you may be entitled to claim PIP if you are not already claiming it. The mobility component of this is specifically for extra mobility needs and could be used for taxis. However, if you havent already claimed that sadly it wouldn't be an overnight fix as it tends to take quite some months to come through.
My immediate second thought is that I'd very much hope, in these circumstances, your DH and DM would arrange this between them

You need to start looking after yourself, it sounds very serious. You shouldn't be taking risks. Tell the school you need help, speak to the FLO if they've got one, and I'm sorry you need to toughen up when it comes to your fiancé, do your best to make sure the kids are fed & clean but as for the house, forget it, if he wants to cleaner he can do it! Try & have a talk to your mum, and explain you just need a bit more help for a few months.

Look after the yourself

This is going to sound awful but...the worst case scenario is not you ending up in hospital, it is you ending up dead. Your fiancé sound awful and entitled. Could you ask your midwife/consultant if they could put you in contact with occupational therapy or wheel chair services as they may help with mobility scooter or they will take things out of your hands when you explain the situation and will admit you. But obviously you will then be worrying about DC. Please look after yourself op and rest as much as possible and ignore your DP and house work.

You might be eligible for hospital transport? Otherwise try the www.royalvoluntaryservice.org.uk/get-help/getting-out-and-about/community-transport. I think they usually assist the elderly, but may be able to help. Or know someone who can help.

You can hire a mobility scooter from lots of places, but it might be cheaper to buy one if you need it for a while.

Also, do look into claiming disability benefits as the money would help you pay for taxis etc. And a blue badge as well.

Men like this make me want to punch a wall. I wish I was near you, I'd happily take your children to school and back, and do errands and whack your dp over the head with a very heavy shovel. I don't know what to suggest but I really feel for you.

Wow your fiancé (is that really a good idea?) needs a kick up the arse. But get hospitalised. Honestly somebody will have to do something.

Contact the school ask for a message to be passed requesting help. I know without a doubt people will come forward. My DH is a sahd and he'd definitely help. Whereabouts are you??

Could the truancy officer help (I think they are called something else now)? Social services? Is your partner any help at all? Is it worth keeping him? Personally he sounds fucking worse than useless. Clean house? Tea on table? Fuck off to the far side of fuck.

Are you a member of Heartline OP? They have a FB page. There are adults on there with heart conditions who might be able to0 help. Also maybe try the Somerville Foundation for adults with CHD. They have a forum and I'm sure someone can advise you.

He's not a fiance, he's a sperm donor.

I also think if your family prove to be no help that you should definitely contact school and ask for them to see if anyone could give you a lift/take the kids to school for you.

I did this for a mum at school for about 7 weeks after she broke her leg and couldn't drive . She acted like I was her saviour/angel sent from heaven and had told all her family about me being so helpful but honestly it was nothing. I really didn't mind. Her kids were no bother. Mind you her DH dropped them in the morning and I did the After school pick ups. So her DH did help unlike yours. And he was a hospital doctor! So yours needs to just take a stand and explain to his work that there is no other option.