Any parents that can give me help on this issue please!!? School run!!

[Overandout74]

Okay so I'm a very high risk pregnancy and currently at 30 weeks. Top and bottom of it is I have a mechanical Heart valve, aortic stenosis and suffered a heart attack 8 weeks ago. I've been told by the consultants (im under 4) that if I over do it there could be consequences and I'll admitted for constant bed rest.

My issue is I have three children (boys) all returning to school in the next few days.. So I'm left doing the school run every day.
My fiance and mum work and I've no one else to help me.

The problem with the school run is it's 20 minutes walk there and back and that's twice a day 7 days a week. I can barely Walk 10 metres without being out of breath and in pain and tbh If my consultants thought I was doing it I'd be brought in for sure.

What else can I do though I've nobody to do it for me? I don't think my mum and fiancé really understand the seriousness of if In all fairness although I've told them. They see me on a good day and assume I'm okay.

Even so they can't do it due to work.

I'm at a loss. Please any advice is appreciated.

I'm just 😱

You need to seriously consider leaving your dh. You could die and your children left and he doesn't give a shit?! Just wants a tidy home?

I think you doing too much and trying to carry on isn't helping, sorry. You need to stop.

Spend the money on taxis. If you can afford it then do so and tell your dh to fuck off.

I believe it's Education Welfare Officer. There should be one attached to your local council.

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Disability/Pages/help-for-disabled-parents.aspx. Have a look at this link op. You should be getting some support for this. Please speak to your midwife.

Op l feel so sorry for you, you deserve much more help, also l am very worried about your health.

Please, please go to the GP and beg for help, in the short term hospital sounds a good choice.

Sorry to say it but your Dp is a waste of space, please do not marry this man, he is a selfish and uncaring in the extreme.

First you have to get this baby born safely, harden your attitude, stop cooking for him, clean the bare minimum, let him wash his own clothes.
Close your ears to the complaints, do not respond other than 'l am seriously ill, help or shut up'. Don't engage with him or give a damn what he says or thinks.

Do a round robin email explaining your situation to all the parents in your Dcs class, we had a mum who had a major op on her foot and we all chipped in on different days to pick up drop off her Dcs for 8 weeks.

Stop crying and getting upset if you possibly can, l do understand its difficult but stress is no good for you or your baby girl, be VERY selfish, only do something if it suits you to do it, your health depends on it.

Good luck op l hope things improve very fast and you can look forward to meeting your DD.

Talk to your midwife urgently. Tell her your situation, ask her to help you find a solution.
I know that if a message went out from my DDs school detailing a situation such as yours, offers of help would come flooding in.

I would definitely help and so would all the mums I know. So it is a case of getting the ball rolling and just talking to people and see where it gets you. If you don't talk to someone soon you run the risk of becoming isolated amd depressed. IMO this is not an insurmountable problem but a useless dh is clearly not helping. Just ignore what he says for now, focus on you and what's best for your dc.

I'd be handing your fiancé the ring back unless he pulled his finger out. He sounds like an utter twat.

Agree you stop doing anything for him and focus on yourself and your DC. I would pull every favour in the book with parents of DCs friends, I'm sure you'll find plenty who'll help out. Keep an emergency stash of cash for days when you have to sort a cab.

How are you going to manage when baby arrives?

If you are by any chance in Plymouth I will try to help on my days off.

You need to put yourself first and your "partner" needs to buck up his ideas and help out way way more. I simply cannot imagine my husband ever expecting me to jeopardise my health and potentially my life like that.

If he won't step up to the plate, I think asking for a CAF would be a good idea as someone suggested. And asking on a school FB page or asking parents of school friends to help is your best bet. And if you're not already in receipt of disability benefits, particularly the mobility component, definitely apply ASAP.

Hi guys sorry for the late reply.
Extremely tired with it all last night and ended up falling asleep.

When the baby's born my heart function should return to normal so the school run shouldn't be an issue. It's the strain now.. The extra blood flow, pressure and work it's doing.
Obviously it'll be recovery for a couple of weeks but I'll most likely be in hospital so that won't be an issue. He will have to take paternity leave by that point.

Its now that's the issue and the further I get the harder it is.
I'm going to speak to school and see if there is any help.
I'm going to scrimp for taxis this week. Next week I'm going to have a long chat with my mum and see if she could possibly drop them at breakfast club before work.

I should only have evening pick up then and hopefully if school can help and between a few taxis it should be do able.

I want to say thank you I absolutely am overwhelmed by the amazing responses and support you guys have offered. Im not used to it.

It's going to be ready meals and cheap fixes with plenty of fruit from now on. If Df doesn't like it..he has a pair of hands.

Mine isn't at school yet but if I heard about someone in this situation, even if I barely knew them, I would do my level best to help, especially as it doesn't sound like it involves keeping the children for any length of time before or after school, just walking them there.
It sounds like your boys will be in 3 different classes so if you asked one class each week, that's a different 30 sets of parents per week for the next three weeks. One day every three weeks is not a lot to help with.
This is really dependent on the local area, but if my local church heard about it there would be lots of retired people who would help out with this sort of thing.

I am the sort of person who hates asking for favours but in this situation you must put yourself (and indirectly your children) first and ask everyone and anyone to help you.
Agree you need to put your foot down with your fiance.

Over you shouldn't be funding taxis at all. LA's have policies in place to ensure children get to school when parents are unable to take them because of exceptional circumstances. The LA would fund taxis and an escort to get your children in and out of school and safely to your door if you alerted them.Please don't think of collecting them yourself, a friend of my son's died as a result of an undiagnosed cardiomyopathy at 18 sometimes you don't get a warning or a second chance.

Is the aortic stenosis congenital? If you were born with an underlying heart condition, please contact the Somerville Foundation as they have some emergency funds available for adult congenital heart patients going through difficulties: www.thesf.org.uk/help-advice/financial-help.aspx If you're eligible, it could help with costs of transport or for a childminder to take over before and after school care (as well as school runs) to give you a chance to rest?

Don't take them to school.
The school will very quickly sort something out because they don't want a poor attendance.
I had severe stomach bug, I phoned the school to say dc weren't coming in because I literally coukdnt leave the house. 10 minutes later the headmistress was on the doorstep collecting them! Witnessing me vomming/sweating

I agree with contacting local authority. Good luck. I really hope you get some support.

You need to point out to your fiancee that he risks loosing you and his child, is his work more important than that?

Your boys father also needs to know that, tell him in writing that he might be a sole parent if he doesn't pull his head out of the sand.

Contact the school, welfare officer etc and say you cannot get them to school. Do not even try to get them there, do not risk your health.

Also tell fiance you are not doing any cleaning until you have a healthy baby at home and you are also in good health.

Quick update
So it was my youngest first day at primary school today and the other two boys first day back.
My fiancé has booked a day offer this. Despite him being uncaring towards me he is great with them.
Obviously with it being my sons first day I wanted to be there and had no other way of getting there today other than walking.
I've felt I'll ever since.
I was shouted at this morning because it takes me longer to get ready and i was struggling and tired as I've been waking at 5 and not getting back to sleep. I don't sleep well anyway as the pressure on my lungs and heart makes it uncomfortable.
Any I was ready giving us 40 minutes to get there.
He moaned he hadn't has any breakfast (neither had I) because he had got the kids dressed (i had made their breakfast and him a coffee )

Then before we got out of the door he said "have you got their dinner money"
I had totally forgot so suggested doing a 2 minutes detour to the shop.. To which he complained and said we were going to be late because it takes me 3 times as long.
Again I felt guilty.

We were on our way and I was lagging and struggling his comment was
"you make out as though you're the only pregnant person"
I replied
"NO actually I'm seriously ill so yes I struggle"
He basically laughed and told me not to start. How will I cope for when he's at work
I said "well I don't know but I'm worried it's either I get help someway or be admitted"
He then said "Oh don't dare make me feel guilty"

So I made it there and back and collapsed on my bed. Still feel ill.

I've just had a massive blow out with him. Put him straight and I'll be speaking to my mum tonight.
I'll be getting taxis the rest of the week and can hopefully have something in place next week. Because I can't go on like this. X

You poor thing, he sounds dreadful.

Hand the ring back. Make it clear that you will not be marrying such an uncaring arsehole (you won't, will you? Please don't!).

(((()))) for you.

Op your partner sounds horrible. How would he feel if something bad happened to you due to his lack of care and attention? You did great at standing up to him, and don't for a second feel guilty about getting a taxi to school. Your life is literally at steak here.

I feel so sad for you OP. Your partner should be caring for you and nurturing you. You must feel so desperately alone :(

He sounds emotionally abusive your DM is a waste of space they can see your stuff if and stand by and watch. I couldn't move to severe PSD to do the school run and between my auntie and DM they did the school run until I had the baby. I would LTB and have strong words with your DM.

Oh OP. Don't marry him. Make him leave please - he's just making a bad situation worse.

Thinking of you OP, he sounds like a bully, I hope you get some help with things, I wish I could help you myself

Hi Overabdout74. I'm worried about you. Call your midwife and consultant. Tell them what is going on and how ill you feel. You need to be admitted.

Your mum, the dc's dad and your current partner can then sort out the.childcare between them.

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