I need advice on custody issue

[nikkipaige4113]

So I'm 18 years old and I'm 13 weeks pregnant. My babies father told me I'm the reason he's going to start cutting him self again (because we broke up) I told him we should stay away from each other, not to talk or see each other because I did not want to be in that kind of situation. His mom messages me and tells me that they have every right to go to the doctor appointments and ultrasounds. I told her that if I do not feel comfortable about him being there then he won't be there (I honestly do not want to be around him at all) she told me "well I'm sorry it has to be this way then" I'm 99% sure she is gonna try and get custody of my baby. I guess i really just want to know what I'm going to expect and how I can fight it??

I think you're totally right to distance yourself from the drama.

Next time you speak to your midwife, tell her that you don't want your ex or his family involved. They have no rights to know any of your medical details. Sadly you won't be the first to be abused by an ex so your midwife should be able to reassure you.

Grandparents only have rights in extreme cases like if the mum is a drug addict or prostitute so don't worry about her.

If your ex takes you to court he will get some time to see baby but if he's a danger then it will be supervised in a contact centre.

I think you should block your ex's mum and if your ex is being difficult then block him too. You need to stay healthy and away from stress.

Bless you this sounds horrible!!
I would make sure to keep any messages from her / him that say about the self harm, it's emotional abuse and won't look good on him in a court room. I hope the situation gets better for you and good luck with your pregnancy, sending love

Nobody has a right to be at any of your medical appointments at all.

Even the birth is about you and your wants.

I wouldn't block them, but I'd give the phone to someone you trust who will keep the messages but you won't be upset by them but you'll have evidence of their blackmail and abuse.

Definitely explain the situation to the midwife and possibly even give women's aid a phone due to his threats and emotional blackmail, they may be able to help you seek some support. The more people you have on your side the better.

Keep a note of everything they say and do.

He will not get custody of your baby except in extreme circumstances that render you unable to look after him or her.

Take care of yourself and try not to stress too much

They have no rights at the moment. You can say that you will text following appointments with any significant news to see if that appeases them. The father will have contact rights once the baby is born, and it sounds like his mother will push on this, so it's worth bearing this in mind, but the cutting thing is emotional abuse that you can't tolerate.

Don't get yourself worried about your baby being taken away. You don't need that kind of stress.

If you decide to keep them updated by text make sure they know that is the only form of communication and it will be from you to them, when you feel it's appropriate. This will make you look reasonable should it go to court.

Do you have plenty of support around you?

After the birth, if he goes to court, he will get some sort of access to the baby. While baby is tiny, and if you breastfeed, it will likely be little and often. He has no right to come to any appointments before the birth or be present at the birth.

I would give some thought as to whether you put him on the birth certificate or not. He would have to be present when you register the baby since you're not married. He can request parental responsibility through court if you don't add him initially - but some fathers seem to use it as a tool to make life difficult.

Are you in England?

Yes I have plenty of support and thank you guys for the help.

Just echoing what has been said already, really. Medical appointments are private, they are for you, and your ex (and his mother!) have no rights whatsoever to be present. Likewise, no-one can decide who attends you while you give birth but you.

The baby is still, legally speaking, a theoretical entity. You are the only autonomous being here.

You should think about how you are going to deal with contact after the birth though. You will have a child with him - the time to say that you want nothing more to do with him has gone.