I can't be a mum any longer. I can't take much more.

[Timetogrowup2016]

Dd 6 months,
Refuses to nap for longer than 20 minutes at a time. Wakes up screaming as she's still tired but won't go back to sleep.Ive tried everything
Pushing the pram or going for a walk doesn't work.
The car does but I don't drive and I'm alone 7-5:30 each day.
A dark room doesn't work
White noise doesn't
Feeding to sleep doesn't
A dummy doesn't..
A sling doesn't
Holding her doesn't
Lying next to her doesn't
Rocking her doesn't

I could go on but nothing works.
She self settles at night and sleeping 8pm until 5am.

Instead she spends all day yawning, rubbing her eyes and whinging because she's tired. Unless my partner is here and then he settles her fine and she naps 1-2 hours.
I've had enough. I can not cope with her any longer.
This morning I lost my shit after she woke up after ten minutes. She self settled for it as well so I don't see how that can be the issue. I thought if they self settled they could get their self back to sleep? Not dd .

Sorry this is a massive rant and I don't really know what I'm trying to get from it.

This morning I left poor dd crying whilst I sobbed on my bed because I can't take much more.
I do something with her every day. A walk, baby group, a trip to the park. Nothing ever seems to make her happy. I just feel like one big failure.

What I need is someone to calm me down and to start over again today but I just feel unable to calm down.

Fwiw I can cope with her when my partner is here as I know he can take her for half an hour when it gets too much but when I'm alone I can not cope and it's been like this every day for 6 months now. I'm a shadow of who I used to be and just feel so miserable.
What hurts the most is I feel like her life has been wasted with me being miserable. I've wasted every day with her- all these moments I won't ever get back . She'll only be tiny once and I've spent most of it in tears

Another mum who totally understands as well - my first didn't nap more than 30mins at a time and would always wake up tired and whinging. We tried everything too and I cried every day for the first 4-6months of his life. When he hit 7months it started to get better and he was sleeping through the night around 8months, generally a lot happier - after all the cranial oesteopathy, baby massage, everything (he had colic) he just needed to grow up a little

But it was emotionally awful. I was so underprepared, I was 25 and none of my friends had had babies, everyone else was a lot older but I did make an incredible group of friends through Mumsnet who helped see me through and they still do. Get the support where you can.

My second was a lovely baby but never slept through and at 2.5yrs we got a sleep trainer who does everything via phone and email so if you want her details let me know, changed my life!

My colicky awful first born is now the most brilliant 7yr old who is sweet and kind and gentle and has been since he came out of the tiny baby stage.

My second born is a delight and feisty and funny and affectionate and lovely but fuck me she is going through a seriously trying stage right now - I came on MN to basically say the same as you, that I can't cope anymore, I want to give up and run away from everything (doesn't help that SAHM does not suit me at all, even bigger feelings of worthlessness and failure) but reading your post reminded me that a) the vast majority of us feel like this and it's OK to acknowledge that and get support that we need and b) it's true - it IS a phase, it feels like this will be your life forever but I promise it won't be, some times will be tough but loads will be so easy, and so far (albeit only 7years into parenting) the small baby stage of a first born was by far the hardest part for me on every level

Hang in there and keep posting, we all understand and no judginess here at all

Oh you poor love I know exactly how you feel.
I did have PND but my DS never slept longer than 40 minutes, and only after I'd spent at least an hour settling him down. I cried and cried with frustration and tiredness, I couldn't understand why my friend's babies would drift off to sleep and stay asleep for even an hour.
I clearly recall the first day he slept for 1.5 hours. I couldn't believe it. He was 15 months.

I know right now you don't want to hear "it gets better" because I didn't want to hear it, I kept thinking "WHEN?" But it will.
DS seemed so much happier when he was walking and talking. He started talking very young and hasn't stopped since, he's 5 now and so, so intelligent.

Right now you need a break. I used to leave DS with DH on a Saturday from 12 until about 5pm. Some days I'd have a long nap (they had to leave the house for this to happen), some days I'd browse the shops or buy a coffee and a cheap mag. Go for a walk or a swim or even to the cinema! Anything, but that respite kept my sanity intact. You absolutely need this break, it kept me going all week knowing I'd have it come Saturday.

I promise it will get so much better, during that hellish fog I couldn't imagine it, but it did.

some babies suffer really bad gas that stops them sleeping, no idea if that helps but best of luck

I can be very lonely being a parent to little ones. This may be crazy advise but I read that it's really good for babies to talk to them all the time. So you should voice over what's happening 'I'm just putting you up on the table, here's your spoon, mummy is drinking coffee. You are crying, you feel sad. You dropped teddy etc etc. As well as this supposedly helping baby I actually found some comfort in have a voice (mine!) in the house and some kind of a conversation. Allbeit without any verbal response. It also helps me to vocalise my emotions.

It can be

Spotted you are in Sussex, so am I. Feel free to pm me, and let me know where you live. If we're close maybe we could meet for s cuppa, and I could introduce you to a few groups that are nice and you'd hopefully be able to make some friends through. Would love to help you if I can. x

I haven't read all of the responses but have read all of the OPs posts. Have you considered getting a travel cot/playpen? You could have it in the living room with you and have a couple of not overly stimulating toys in there. That way if you put your daughter in there she has something to entertain her but also its somewhere where she can sleep if she is tired. If she doesn't sleep there it's not the end of the world but the quiet time might help. Also, it is a safe place for her to be so that you can walk away if you need to.

Have you tried taking her swimming? As she's not rolling or crawling it's possible she's not exerting enough physical energy but swimming might help her to use up some energy which could help her to sleep.

I remember my HV saying something to me along the lines of if I couldn't get my daughter to nap then having her in the buggy gave her time to relax. Is it possible that your daughter is in the buggy too much and she's therefore getting that relaxation just from being there so she's not feeling the need to nap?

Most importantly, do what you need to do for you. If you need to cry then cry. If you need to leave your daughter to cry on her own while you take some deep breaths to calm down then do it. It's better for both of you if you take that time out sometimes.

themighty.com/2016/06/hardest-things-about-postpartum-depression/

Thing is, it's okay to not be enjoying it. It's a well kept secret but looking after babies, particularly crabbit ones, is bloody hard work and not at all enjoyable! Take space from her when you can and try to take comfort from the fact that raising toddlers is pretty good fun! Just because it's hard work, doesn't mean you're doing it wrong

I had one like this. Slept well at night but just wouldn't nap during the day. I also had absolutely roaring undiagnosed PND and total exhaustion, like you I spent 7am-6pm totally alone with a crabby, overtired baby and no break. When I look back I hardly remember the first 6 months but DS is now a very happy and chilled out toddler.

We are coming to the end of the napping years now, but around 10 months he gradually started sleeping in longer stretches during the day and settled on a 1.5 hour nap at 1pm. He did this spontaneously and without any intervention from me. I know it's frustrating but they do get the hang of it, eventually. Hang on in there.

Something that worked for me in the early stages was a stretchy cotton wrap. I bought on EBay for about £5. Watched a YouTube video on how to tie it. When DS was overtired and crabby he's usually calm down and drop off in the wrap. That also meant I had my hands free to make a cup of tea and plonk myself down on the sofa and watch a box set. It wasn't the break I wanted but it was a break. IYSWIM

OP I'm also concerned about your health and wellbeing. You sound isolated and quite down. It's also worth being honest with your HV or GP and seeing if a short course of antidepressants might help you. I was prescribed Amitriptyline and in my case it was extremely effective. It stopped me feeling irritable, tearful and helped me deal with my emotions more effectively.

I wish you all the best. Being a parent is hard work and thankless at times. It will get better.

How have things been lately OP?

I've so been where you are. In fact I kind of an now with dc2.

He only naps for 20-40 mins at a time. Only with white noise and in sling, while moving. Wakes 3-5 times a night. Won't take a bottle so I can't even have a break longer than an hour or two.

It's so so frustrating when they wake up tired and in a bad mood isn't it. I feel like shouting "why won't you bloody sleep?" Several times a day.

It's bloody hard, but with my 1st DC who was the same as yours (good at night sleeping, bad in day) I struggled so much because like you didn't have many friends or family I felt I could call and spend time with. I struggled in mum groups (and I'm a 30 something mum!) but eventually made one friend who introduced me to a few more, it was a lifesaver. I realise if I'm with people, even if he is grumpy all day it makes it more bearable. The isolation is a killer.

So I'd try to focus on that. This is what I'd do if that's any use...

Go round your Nan's for a visit, or your aunt's. Stay all day if you need to. Or get them to visit you.

Go to your favourite café with a sofa and loud music ideally to drown out the whining. Chat to the staff. Stay as long as you can.

My local children's centre has groups especially for younger mums. Have you looked into that?

Ask your HV to introduce you to mums your age in similar situations

Look on Facebook for FB mum groups in your area and post on there to see if there are people who live near you who want to meet up. Or look on mumsnet local?.

I'd also advise to stop trying to get her to nap. Just accept she fights it, and just do what you want or need to do instead of putting your energy into the naps. Accept she will only sleep for 10 minutes and you cannot control it. When she naps tell yourself you've got 10 minutes, have a quick cup of tea and sit down. She sleeps well at night so she is getting some good solid rest, she will be fine.

Get a really comfy sling or one of those hip seats. Ask on Facebook to borrow one if you can't afford to buy. Great for when baby doesn't want to be put down. I literally would not have survived without my sling.

Finally, things really improved for me first time around when I went back to work. It was stressful and only part time but helped so much to have the space and company.

And of course if you are still feeling depressed, do go talk to your GP again.

Good luck

Op
You poor thing.
My dd was horrendous. I hated it. Someone mentioned cranial osteopathy and I fully recommend.
My daughter at 6 months woke every couple of hours through the night and sometimes didn't nap and was generally vile.

I started taking a good quality fish oil (apparently like prozac for making you feel better) left her in the crèche while I had a swim. Got myself feeling good and became calmer , as I got calmer she got calmer.

Who knows when/how it started - probably birth trauma but we got ourselves stuck in a cycle. Maybe you have too ?

Mine were both like that - a nap was 30 minutes tops until they turned 1, then they had 1 daytime nap but that was longer. It's hard. I had to go back to f/t work when they were 6 months so told nursery this was how they were and they were fine with it - it was a lifesaver. If I hadn't had that, I don't know what I'd have done.

It really does get better though. Both of mine were good night time sleepers too.

Op - Google HOMESTART it's a charity that supports parents. If there is one in your area they will send a lovely highly trained, dbs checked volunteer round every week usually for 2 hours for 6 months. They will be a parent themselves or even grandparent. They will be non judgemental and not bombard you with advice. They will be kind and listen and give you a break or even go with you to groups/activities. A brilliant charity.

Same for anyone else feeling desperate with a baby/young children - see if you have a local HOMESTART. They are not Sure start it's a completely different thing.

Sorry, so many posts I may have missed if you've said this but does your baby have reflux? Our daughter did and it was a nightmare getting her to sleep as a result. Added to that she was/is quite vocal when she's not happy. I totally understand how frustrating it gets. Sometimes it's so hard to listen to. I had many moments I put her in her cot while I cried/screamed/sobbed in frustration in our back porch before I felt I could go back to her.
My daughter is 15 months now and is a lot easier to look after although I still think she's quite demanding compared to other babies. I totally get that some days it just feels like you can't handle it.
Just remember if her cries/tiredness is bothering you it is only because you are responding to her needs and you are being an amazing mum. It's frustrating because you don't want your baby to be unhappy.
A couple of suggestions:
Agree with others here Google HomeStart
Keep in contact with your GP
Make sure you keep getting some time to yourself even if it's just 1 hour a day when she sleeps at night - run a bath, listen to some music, whatever relaxes you.
And if you can handle it - keep walking, keep walking with her. It can feel like a break in itself.
Good luck!!