I can't be a mum any longer. I can't take much more.

[Timetogrowup2016]

Dd 6 months,
Refuses to nap for longer than 20 minutes at a time. Wakes up screaming as she's still tired but won't go back to sleep.Ive tried everything
Pushing the pram or going for a walk doesn't work.
The car does but I don't drive and I'm alone 7-5:30 each day.
A dark room doesn't work
White noise doesn't
Feeding to sleep doesn't
A dummy doesn't..
A sling doesn't
Holding her doesn't
Lying next to her doesn't
Rocking her doesn't

I could go on but nothing works.
She self settles at night and sleeping 8pm until 5am.

Instead she spends all day yawning, rubbing her eyes and whinging because she's tired. Unless my partner is here and then he settles her fine and she naps 1-2 hours.
I've had enough. I can not cope with her any longer.
This morning I lost my shit after she woke up after ten minutes. She self settled for it as well so I don't see how that can be the issue. I thought if they self settled they could get their self back to sleep? Not dd .

Sorry this is a massive rant and I don't really know what I'm trying to get from it.

This morning I left poor dd crying whilst I sobbed on my bed because I can't take much more.
I do something with her every day. A walk, baby group, a trip to the park. Nothing ever seems to make her happy. I just feel like one big failure.

What I need is someone to calm me down and to start over again today but I just feel unable to calm down.

Fwiw I can cope with her when my partner is here as I know he can take her for half an hour when it gets too much but when I'm alone I can not cope and it's been like this every day for 6 months now. I'm a shadow of who I used to be and just feel so miserable.
What hurts the most is I feel like her life has been wasted with me being miserable. I've wasted every day with her- all these moments I won't ever get back . She'll only be tiny once and I've spent most of it in tears

My first son was like this. I was insane. He was never happy, always tired. Wouldn't sleep. I always swore I would never have another etc, but things got remarkably better and I did have another and he sleeps well and is generally an easier child so far

I still have tough days and to be honest given the choice I'm not sure I would go back and choose to have children since I'm awful at coping with it, but the things you describe do get better.

I didn't have any friends either. It's tough. I did find some nice baby groups though which was at least adult conversation and socialisation for the children. I'm on my own with a 3yo and 1yo Monday to Friday from 6-4pm and it's rough going, but I know it will pass. Eventually.

Thank you everyone.
Sympathies to all those whose also don't sleep well at night.
Dd sometimes still wakes at 1 ish but it's normally because she's genuinely hungry and she's normally back down within 30-45 minutes if she wakes then.
My mum has her once a week. Normally on a Friday but my partner wanted her to stay at home this weekend as he barely sees her some days. So she did. Mums having her overnight tommorow night...
My gp told me I was causing the issue because I was over feeding her. Such bollocks. I've calculated what she eats in a day and it's never more than what they say is ok for her weight. Told me to reaplace two of her feeds a day with water

Oh I recommend church baby groups. I've always found them very welcoming and friendly and I am not in the slightest bit religious.

My second child sounds exactly the same, he didn't nap until he was 9 months and then stopped totally at 16 months. The days are so long. He cried almost all the time.

The best piece of advice I got I thought it was really shit at the time mind you was that you cannot force her to do anything. She is her own person, and clearly nothing you do will change it, so accept it, and try to work around it.
So instead of trying to get her to sleep, accept she just isn't going to, and put her on the floor to play, take off her nappy for a kick around, pop her in the bath for a bit (my child spent half his life in the bath at that age as he wouldn't cry in there), if it's a sunny day let her lie outside on a blanket etc. If she cries, just let her. Stay close, but don't stress yourself.

Basically, just do whatever you can to get through the day. It does get better, my little demanding, difficult baby is 4 now, and what drove me to distraction when he was a baby are now definite qualities to be admired.

Be kind to yourself. I was a young mum too, had my first at 21. Age doesn't matter when it comes to mum friends. We're all at the same life stage, that's what we have in common. It would be different if you were a 22 year old just starting a career and out on the town every weekend and they were the mums. But, at baby groups, everyone is equal, iykwim. They probably don't give a toss about your age!

I had one that didn't sleep for longer than 2 hours at a time (day and night)for 14 months.

OP - it will pass. Please, please go to bed at 8pm for a few nights. Do an online shop (didn't even have computers when mine were little) for lots of easy food, throw a load of washing in before you go to bed and hang it out or dry it when you get up.

I was up at 5am for years. I HAD to go to bed early for my sanity.

Once you get a few stretches of sleep you will cope much better.

The housework can wait. DC3 lived in a building site for the first year of her life. She survived.

It will get better.

This is sooo hard OP, I remember sitting on the floor, crying to my DH on the phone that I just did not know how to make it through the day....at 9:15 am

My boy had reflux and also, a bit like yours, was massively frustrated at not being able to walk. He learned to walk at around 10 months, through sheer baby determination. That helped a bit. He was a sweet toddler, with the occasionsl tantrum.

He's now a very chilled out, but sporty!, teen.

DH and I sometimes look at him in wonder. He was such an angry baby, but that was just his frustration at being a baby

In your shoes I'd get breaks where I can. Some gyms offer creche facilities?

Can you sit in the garden when she cries? I lived in a flat and would sometimes sit on the stairs, to give myself a break from the crying.

When DH is in, can you go out on your own for a bit?

Fight for a little alone-time every day.

It'll get easier 🙂, it really will

I wish I could come and sit with you and make you a cup of tea. You sound absolutely worn out. I know this probably won't help but they change so much through babyhood, this bit won't last forever.

It's OK to not enjoy it when they're so little, I think it's the same for lots of us. Ignore all the adverts with smug mums and happy babies, utter crap! Please don't beat yourself up, you're doing fine. There will be bits you like, it's just not this one. And that's ok - it's really bloody hard

Sorry, haven't read the full thread but when she gets up in the morning, try and keep her awake for longer, and then try a nap. At 6 months, her time awake can be a lot longer than it was even a few weeks ago.

It WILL get easier 💐

Thank you for all the help and ideas.
She's currently whinging on her play mat. When she's tired all she wants is me to hold her and walk around with her. If I sit down or place her down she screams. She weighs 16.6 pounds now and I'm only tiny so it hurts my arms and back very quickly.

I phone my oh most days at work in tears begging him to come home.

Things dramatically improved for me when my DS finally learned to crawl at 9 months. He was SOOO frustrated before that. All the extra activity also tired him out and his naps became so much more reliable. He is only just dropping is lunchtime nap now (2 hours!) and he's 3.5.

As others have said, persevere with the baby groups etc. I'm in my 30s and I would probably have assumed a young thing like you wouldn't want to hang out with an old fuddy duddy. But I PROMISE you everyone in that class or group has sh!t days, they are all probably lonely and they'd all be delighted to make a new friend.

Also maybe your HV or local sure start could put you in touch wiht a playgroup etc for younger mums?

All I can say is it does get better, you're NOT doing a bad job and all of what you have described is NORMAL.

IME at that age they hated being flat.
I had one of those baby bouncer things that you suspended from the door frame. I used to put them in that and put some music on and they loved it.

With DC2 someone lent me a wind up swing - like a car seat suspended in a frame. That worked well for a while. Being in motion and being able to see from a height was what they wanted.

Seeing everything from floor level is so boring.

OP can you write out your routine? Let people take a look and you might get some good suggestions.

Honestly
Their is no routine
Try to her to nap when she's tired and feed when she's hungry is the only routine

Ok so my two pence worth would be to get one in place place pronto. Are you weaning?

I could've written this post myself six months ago. It's is hard and mentally draining. I used to get so mad when he woke up after only a few minutes. He would pull himself up on the sofa and just whine and whine until I walked around with him. I'm also fairly young (22) and often feel a bit out of place. I wonder if you live anywhere near me? I'm in Lincolnshire.

Yes not long started weaning
Thing is I've tried routine
But I can't force her to eat when she's not hungry or starve her when she is and I can't make her sleep by the clock. She doesn't work like that

I'm in Sussex.
If anyone is near me. I would happily arrange a day to meet up.
Poor little love has just done a massive poo after 48 hours of nothing.
She's always been twice a day since she was born.
She really strained and cried.

Hi OP. I had a hard work baby - it got a lot easier when he started crawling and we could wear him out. And (just to show insanity has no bounds), I am onto DC2 who seems to be the most contented baby on the street. She suffers from more benign neglected though - I generally plonk her in a sling and feed on demand.

One book that did help me was the no cry nap solution by Elizabeth Pantley. She goes into the science of baby naps and breaks down the reasons behind napping problems. Worth a try?

Good luck, OP. My DC1 is still stubborn and demanding, but a lot easier to manage now and much more enjoyable.

Reading over your later posts, I would honestly give the sling another go as she loves being carried by you. Find your local sling group and try out a few different types until you find one you both like. I could be she found your original too hot or restricting. I back carry with a mei tai - it's a life saver.

Keep going! You have tried everything, so when that's the case all you can do is cut yourself some slack and carry on. You know she's safe, healthy, fed, and dry. You've tried all the usual tricks, you can't help it if they don't work. It doesn't make you a bad parent, just an unlucky one who's baby, although adorable, is an absolute nightmare.

I went through a phase of wearing ear plugs because my DD's whine was giving me anxiety. I couldn't escape it. So, I put the ear plugs in and carried on. You could do the same with ear phones I guess, provided you're around her all the time. I found they didn't completely eliminate the noise (which was good safety wise), but they did take the edge off it.

I know it seems a long way off but by the time your DD is 18 months she we be the most delightful little human in your life.

Stay strong, keep busy and please go out and make some friends. The loneliness must be driving you crazy.

Btw your GP is indeed talking bollocks, and you have the sense to know it. There might be a case for finding a different GP if possible , as it's reassuring to have one that you can trust.

It has been very hot recently - do make sure you are giving her plenty to drink. Sometimes you get so worn out you forget the little things.

Haven't read the replies but oh I can feel your pain! My 7 month old is a catnapper and it's just exhausting, especially with a 3 year old to manage! The only way I find to cope with it is to spend most of the day outside and not time his naps. He's happy in his buggy looking around and then we're all happy for more than half the day! He will have the odd 20 minutes nap while we're out but he rarely cries when he's in his buggy. When we get home all he'll breaks loose as he's obviously knackered.

My HV told me my boy wasn't sleeping as I wasn't feeding him enough. At that point he was just over the 75th centile and quite chubby with it.

They do talk some rubbish.

Not read all the replies but another mum who's struggled at times here it's so hard, there's no manual or guide because your baby is unique. But you are doing so well and you are finding it tough because you care, so be proud of yourself.
I don't want to say anything that sounds patronising or that you've heard a million times before, but I will share what worked for me when I found DDs sleeping hard to cope with.
I wrote down when she was tired and when she was hungry, and devised a routine from that. Put her down as soon as she showed signs of tiredness. Devised a routine for naps (nappy change, sleeping bag on, a chat, a cuddle and sleep with music on) same for every nap. I didn't try to make her nap on a walk or in the car, I stayed at home during nap times until she had settled into the routine properly
If she cried, I went and cuddled her but told her it was sleep time and laid her back down. Repeat X times until she nods off. She had a snuggly to cuddle and I stroked her face with it.
Mainly, I set myself up for a week of tiredness but I said to myself enough was enough, and I just got through it and it worked. Sometimes it takes a real hard push to help you both and as a family- not at all saying that you're not working hard now though. I know how depressing it can be, but it will get better whatever you decide to do for her.
I wish I were closer to you, I'd come and meet you and bring wine