9 month old routine?

[NoCapes]

DS2 is my third child, I was determined with this one I was going to very much follow his lead, feed on demand, sleep when he's tired, co-sleep etc etc
But we're 9 months in and it's not working
I'm tired
I'm so so tired, sometimes I literally cry in the mornings at the thought of another day

He doesn't sleep, when he is asleep he's not fully asleep and grizzles and thrashes around my bed so I'm awake making sure he doesn't fall out
He still has 2 bottles per night

He will only nap on me during the day, and naps are just as and when he feels like it and any slightest noise and he's awake
And with 2 older DC and a dog sometimes I can't control the noise, so his naps are short and poor quality

He was an amazing eater to start with but its getting worse as I think he's just too tired all the time

Sometimes we don't get out of the house until 1/2 in the afternoon because I have to wait till he's napped on me, get everyone ready, feed him lunch and then try to leave

I need a routine
He needs a routine
Where do I start?

Oh! And I'm 12 weeks pregnant, so need this sorted asap really

I found that having some set points in the day was a good start, e.g. bed time and get up time. I can't remember the typical awake time between naps at 9mo, but my 8mo can only last about 2.5h awake between naps. So even if she doesn't seem tired I take her upstairs for a nap. Dark room, cuddles and a song, and she then realises it is nap time. So it helped me to have these pre-nap cues to tell her that it's sleepy time. It took a couple of weeks of repetition though. I would try to work on the routine and ensure adequate sleep before trying to get naps in the cot. He sounds overtired which can make naps and nights even harder, so do what you can to help him catch up. Once your routine is a bit better he might settle better for naps. Fingers crossed!

7 mo here:

7am get up and do first BF.
8am breakfast in high chair.
8.30am wash and dressed.
9.30/10am first nap - about an hour.
1.30/2pm second nap - less than an hour unless in the pushchair then much longer!
5.30pm dinner.
6.15pm bath time.
6.45pm close all the upstairs curtains together, feed in my bed and into own cot. If still awake I put the soother music on quietly.

Obviously that sounds very rigid, it's not. I still follow her lead on lots of things but the one thing I make sure is that we wake up and get going so her first nap is more definite.

At 9 month dc2 was

6.30/7 Up
7.15 Breakfast / free play at home
8 Get dressed
8.45/9 into cot for a sleep if we were home or 1 hour nap in the pram on the way to groups
10 Awake and milk in the pram on the way to an activity - enjoy activity/have snack there
12 Lunch time
12.30/1 Nap time - upto 2.5 hours
3 Wake from nap
3.15 milk in pram on way to activity/playdate/running errands
5.30 dinner
6 bath
6.30 milk and bed

At 9 month dc2 was

6.30/7 Up
7.15 Breakfast / free play at home
8 Get dressed
8.45/9 into cot for a sleep if we were home or 1 hour nap in the pram on the way to groups
10 Awake and milk in the pram on the way to an activity - enjoy activity/have snack there
12 Lunch time
12.30/1 Nap time - upto 2.5 hours
3 Wake from nap
3.15 milk in pram on way to activity/playdate/running errands
5.30 dinner
6 bath
6.30 milk and bed

At 9 months DS had a pretty set routine that lasted til he dropped to one nap. Obviously some days it all went to pieces, but this was the gist:

6.30/7 up and milk
8 breakfast
9-10.30 nap
11 milk
12/12.30 lunch
1.30-3 nap
3 milk
5/6ish tea
6.30/7 milk and bed

Thankyou all for the routine examples
Coco I think starting with some sleep cues might be a good place to start, we've got into the habit of just letting him drop because his naps are so unpredictable, so I think having a proper nap 'routine' might help
This could then transfer into a bedtime routine aswell of course

Do you think I'm best off trying to sort day times first? And then nighttime? Or all at once?

I think night time is meant to be easier than naps, so I would try that, but try to have a set point for get up and first nap too. Good luck!

I think at this age you can set his nap times but you will need time which you might not have with other dc needing you as in rocking him in a quiet dark room and consistently trying to put him down in his cot.

Dd2 is 10 months and her routine is

6.30 awake
7.00 out of bed and dressed
7.30 bottle
8.45 breakfast
9.30 nap 1.5 hrs
11.00 snack
12.30 lunch
1.30 nap 30-60 mins
2.30 bottle
5.00 dinner
6.30 bottle
7.00 bed

You're knackered but due dc4 . I feel rather weak as 2 is definitely my limit! Good luck with the pregnancy

My twins are nine months old. We established a bed time routine very early (we may never have had dinner otherwise), but consistent naps anywhere other than on me came later. This is their routine:
4am: Wake for milk (7oz) and straight back to sleep
6.30/7am: Babies wake for the day.
7.45: Breakfast
10am (or approximately three hours after waking): First nap, usually 1.5-2 hours. They sleep in their cotbeds in a darkened room with white noise.
12pm: Lunch
3pm (or approximately three hours after they wake from their morning nap): Second nap, usually 45-60 minutes. This nap is also in cotbeds if we're at home, but more likely to be in the car or pushchair since we often go out after lunch.
5/5.30pm: Dinner
7pm: Bedtime

This has really solidified in the last couple of weeks and I loooove that morning nap. I've started scheduling all activities for the afternoon so I can use the time in the mornings to get things done. I read the Cheshire Sleep Whisperer when the babies were about four months old, and that really helped me to get them napping in their cotbeds.

Just a thought about sleep cues. We thought very hard about a series of cues that we'd be happy doing for years. We started a 6 weeks & it stayed basically the same until he was 3.5yr. Even now, the order of events is basically the same but instead of changing a nappy, he's taking himself to the toilet. Single best parenting decision we ever made.

So my advice is think about the long term solution, as well as what you can handle right now. Avoid actions that will become physically hard or impossible (eg rocking - fine with a small baby, less so with a big toddler).

Good luck with the sleep & with dc4!!!

Sounds like he's over tired, I would try to get him to nap before he gets to the cranky stage. What's he eating per day? X