OMG I've just been told off at toddler group

[Lizalu]

My ds and two other boys were running around and we were told to stop them. I didn't really see why but I did. Then I was having a quick chat with another mum and ds started being a bit disruptive with a toy cooker so was on my way to sort it out when one of the old biddies came and told me to control my son - to take my hands out of my pockets and go and play with him - that my ds isn't like other children - that she has been running it for 14 years and if I don't like the rules I should leave.

I am just so angry my ds wasn't behaving any differently to any other toddler.

lizalu - why is your ds "not like other children"???

Personally I would have given her a mouthful and would never have gone back. what a witch.

I had this Friday at my local toddler group. It ends with some circle songs and ever since I have been going (nearly 18 months) all the 2 yo boys run off and dont settle for this part of the singing. My ds is usually very good but for the last 2 sessions he has run off as well. I cannot force him to do it, so tend to leave him to it with his mate, as it doesnt disturb the others (it is a huge space and he is not making a noise).

the lady who ran it collared me and another mum at the end of the session, and in front of everyone asked us to take them home when they started running off as it set a bad exmaple. I took it at the time I was so shicked but I am going back Friday to get my money back for the remaining sessions and tell her why.

I dont want to be somewhere where I feel I have to stop him being a normal toddler. Of course if he was fighting etc but that is different.

I am very angry on your behalf too, as it sounds even worse than my experience.

Queeneagle because he wasn't sitting and playing nicely. He was running and got frustrated because he had to share the toy cooker!!

Obviously this is normal toddler behaviour so i have no idea why she singled out ds and me. I do feel slightly victimised and a bit paranoid about what I have done to make her have such a bad opinion. Ridiculous - I know I shouldn't let her get to me.

KezzaG sorry you had the same experience. These groups are about helping dcs learn about social situations and have fun of course. It shouldn't be a condition that they have to perfectly behaved in order to go.

Funny how many toddler groups are run by er....'older' ladies.

Ours was too and I always thought the extremes in age groups (ie toddlers and old ladies) could be a source of friction in such a small space.

I thought these places were for toddlers to run about and let off steam. Maybe the woman would like them to be quietly flicking through some back copies of national geographic instead .

I just don't like toddler groups, brings me out in a rash. Once I decided to stop going it was like a load off my shoulders. I think when people get to a certain age they like order and can't be bothered with things not going their way so IMO this old bat is in the wrong job and should go and join a sewing bee.

I also think they get stuck in their ways. If they have a group of mainly boisterous children, they should include more running around time, if it is quieter younger children then maybe it is more appropriate to have more singing or other play.

I dont think they see it as a business with customers, more as their domain. I am going to take ds swimming instead. Prepare for "lifeguards made my life hell" threads in the future

She was appallingly rude to you Lizalu and completely out of order. I hope you get an apology.
But I'm a bit sad to see some of the ageist generalisations on this thread about the women who do this sort of thing in countless church halls for no pay. Not all of them are harridans like the woman who was so rude to lizalu. I have a good friend with teenage children who helps run one of these groups. It is a HUGE commitment for which very little thanks is forthcoming from the service users. The paperwork alone is ridiculous. The tiny cost covers the bills for the heating etc, the cost of the snacks and the occasional toy purchase.
And funnily enough she finds it impossible to get younger volunteers, so to stay open at all she has to rely on older ladies, some of whom are indeed a bit unrealistic about toddlers.

We had to stop going to one of our toddler groups when ds was about 2.5.

The ladies who ran it made it very clear that he was too rowdy, noisy whatever to be there. It was the only time I got to see a particular group of friends due to other commitments and now I don't see them at all {they still go}.

Why does she even need volunteers? Seriously - I thought at toddler groups everyone was responsible for their own child/ren? I've never been to one that wasn't run by one or two of the mothers who attend (and they have all been lovely!).

I agree KezzaG these ladies at this group see it as their domain. I do take ds to another group. We started about 8 months ago when ds was at the height of toddler tantrum behaviour and the woman who organises it would come and put her arm around me and say 'you're doing really well managing his behaviour, he'll soon grow out of it'. Now she always says 'oh isn't he doing sooo well'. God love her . So yes there are lots of good'uns out there.

Dru you need volunteers to open up, lock up, tidy the toys (I always helped but surprising how many mums dont) sort out the refreshments and wash up etc. etc. There is a lot of work for not much money personally Im surprised anyone does it.

norty fish

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Princessmel - my only concern about not going back is that there are people who I see there that I wouldn't see otherwise. I have older dd that was complete opposite and very well behaved at groups but ds is very energetic/can't sit still kinda boy. Lots of dcs are like this and it is terrible that we should be made to feel ostracised.

oy you're offline

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interfering old busy-body. What would you do if your ds comes home from school and says so-and-so said he didn't like the way he runs/plays football/the car his dad drives or something equally ridiculous? You'd tell him to ignore him wouldn't you? Same thing here. She sounds like she probably looks forward to toddler group all week so she can give people her uninvited opinions about child-rearing. Probably very lonely if that's how she gets her kicks! Please go back again (but have an answer for her up your sleeve this week, just in case)
ps. I always thought the idea of toddler groups was to let your kids play and interact whilst you get a bit of adult conversation...if you have to supervise them % and follow their every movement you may as well stay at home!

Your ds "was a being a bit disruptive with a toy cooker" which is usually a largish item. You then mention that he wasn't keen on sharing. Was there a risk that he or another child could get injured? Hard to know what a bit disruptive means in this case. Huge difference between shouting at another child and pushing them say. There can be a relatively large age range at these groups - how old is ds?

Actually cod my ds is not a PITA. I am not an overbearing mother who thinks her ds has a god given right to do what the hell he likes. Just a normal kind of mum that treats people with respect and expects it in return.
And that is my birthright.

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