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Original poster

Becoming a single Mummy- Bigamy- To forgive or not??

100 replies

Tiddlypoo8 · 30/07/2016 07:58

Hello there.
I'm writing because it's been the week from hell and I need advice. I have a 3 year old daughter and a week ago I believed I had a family and a husband.

The marriage (or not) wasn't going very well. Lots of lies on his behalf, no trust, but I did and do love him very much.
We took a break this week which I believed might be permanent, and we discussed the future (me and add staying in the house, maintainance etc)
2 days after him leaving I felt a little stronger, but missed the family being together, missed him too.
I stuck with my guns and continued with the break apart/separation.
2 days ago he admitted to me that he was not divorced when he got married to me 3 years ago. Altogether we've been together 11 years!!

I am gob smacked, gutted, broken. I put my everything into being a good wife to him, our wedding cost a bomb and many came to witness our happy day. It was all a lie :'-(

I have not reported him. I want him to be a part of dds life, not banged up. He's in the army.

Is there any way you guys think there could be forgiveness for this when the hurt stops?
He wants to come back, live in the family home and be 'partners' so we can still be a family. I've said no right now, because I'm still hurting so badly, but I'm so torn between parenting alone, or having a family unit.

So confused right now

OP posts:

Goingtobeawesome · 31/07/2016 19:52

Of course your marriage would still be void if he divorced his wife! You're not legally married. That doesn't change by him divorcing now.

hollyisalovelyname · 31/07/2016 19:56

OP You must be in shock. Is he abroad or with you.

Original poster

Tiddlypoo8 · 31/07/2016 20:02

He's not with me!!! He left us!!

I just wondered if he divorced his wife then our marriage would count after all? Like bigamy backwards?

He's going to pay the rent, all bills, my car finance and maintainance

OP posts:

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PotteringAlong · 31/07/2016 20:05

He's going to pay the rent, all bills, my car finance and maintenance

No he won't. He lied about being married, he's a bigamist. You need to plan this alone, not based on promises he makes.

NicknameUsed · 31/07/2016 20:08

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend by doubting you. The update just made me wonder how plausible everything was.

There have been a lot of posters winding up us regulars with threads that have turned out not to be true.

I hope you manage to find a resolution.

smilingeyes11 · 31/07/2016 20:43

please do not rely on him giving you a penny willingly - you need to make plans for you alone supporting yourself for now. You are not his wife, you have no recourse to anything from him for you. No claim to any assets whatsoever.

All you are entitled to is child maintenance, so please do not count on him for anything.

Gini99 · 31/07/2016 21:34

*You are not his wife, you have no recourse to anything from him for you. No claim to any assets whatsoever.

All you are entitled to is child maintenance, so please do not count on him for anything.*

This is completely wrong. If you get a decree of nullity you can make the same financial claims as if you were married. For example www.marilynstowe.co.uk/2008/07/09/if-a-marriage-is-declared-void-or-invalid-what-next/

Gini99 · 31/07/2016 21:35

Sorry bold fail. I meant that the poster above who said that as you weren't a wife you'd have no claim was wrong. You would have the same financial claims as a married person divorcing.

tribpot · 31/07/2016 21:44

Divorcing the first wife cannot legalise your marriage. It isn't valid.

smilingeyes11 · 31/07/2016 22:21

how can she claim anything from him - they were never legally married.

Gini99 · 31/07/2016 22:30

how can she claim anything from him - they were never legally married.

Because the provisions that allow the court to make financial orders on divorce (s23 Matrimonial Causes Act 1973) apply in an identical way to decrees of nullity. If you look at the beginning of the legislation here you will see that is the case.

user1468321775 · 01/08/2016 15:56

Wow. What a horrific situation. I agree you need to get some advice on how to ensure you get what you are entitled to both now and in the future.

I just dont understand how this kind of thing can happen - when I got married I had to produce borth certificates etc 6 weeks before wedding and everything was checked before marriage certificate was issued. I mean surely a quick search by the registrar would red flag.

I am literally in shock.

Original poster

Tiddlypoo8 · 01/08/2016 16:55

I'm completely and utterly so I'll with the stress of this. I'm entitled to sod all as well. All our daughter (who I care for full time) is entitled to is £90 a week and that's all we are both entitled to because everything else is in my married name and I don't have anything to prove I'm my maiden name, so I'm not entitled to claim.
How he can stitch his daughters life up like this I don't know

OP posts:

Original poster

Tiddlypoo8 · 01/08/2016 16:57

Arrest is imminent and army going to discharge him- his fault

Yet I'll lose our house ( private rented) and have nowhere to live because I can't claim anything to help me under these circumstances

OP posts:

BaronessEllaSaturday · 01/08/2016 17:03

All our daughter (who I care for full time) is entitled to is £90 a week and that's all we are both entitled to because everything else is in my married name and I don't have anything to prove I'm my maiden name,

What are you talking about claiming? If you are talking about benefits then you would be able to claim in your married name for now until you get the annulment through. You and your h have separated so you are entitled to claim as a single mother, your marriage being bigamous shouldn't affect that.

Original poster

Tiddlypoo8 · 01/08/2016 17:05

Since our separation I'm claiming 1 benefit which I did over the phone in my main den name- I can't apply for another benefit in a married name- it'll look like fraud

OP posts:

BaronessEllaSaturday · 01/08/2016 17:08

There is another option and it's to change your name back officially now to your maiden name by means of a deed poll. You don't need to pay for it, if you search the internet you can get the proper wording for free and if your friend's husband witnesses it then problem sorted.

Pigsbum · 01/08/2016 17:08

You reported him yesterday and he's being discharged shortly?

Hissy · 01/08/2016 17:27

You claim with a NI Number, that's the same no matter what name you use. Explain that your estranged and going back to the maiden name (if that is what you want to do)

Get an appointment with cab and see if they can advise?

Original poster

Tiddlypoo8 · 01/08/2016 17:30

Changed my name via deed poll today waiting for it

OP posts:

Original poster

Tiddlypoo8 · 01/08/2016 17:31

He will be discharged from the army yes

OP posts:

LineyReborn · 01/08/2016 19:00

Yeah this happened to me yesterday and I'm divorced now.

Goingtobeawesome · 01/08/2016 19:17

Liney!

Original poster

Tiddlypoo8 · 02/08/2016 13:59

What???

OP posts:

IamNotDarling · 05/08/2016 10:35

How are you getting on OP?

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