Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Becoming a single Mummy- Bigamy- To forgive or not??

100 replies

Tiddlypoo8 · 30/07/2016 07:58

Hello there.
I'm writing because it's been the week from hell and I need advice. I have a 3 year old daughter and a week ago I believed I had a family and a husband.

The marriage (or not) wasn't going very well. Lots of lies on his behalf, no trust, but I did and do love him very much.
We took a break this week which I believed might be permanent, and we discussed the future (me and add staying in the house, maintainance etc)
2 days after him leaving I felt a little stronger, but missed the family being together, missed him too.
I stuck with my guns and continued with the break apart/separation.
2 days ago he admitted to me that he was not divorced when he got married to me 3 years ago. Altogether we've been together 11 years!!

I am gob smacked, gutted, broken. I put my everything into being a good wife to him, our wedding cost a bomb and many came to witness our happy day. It was all a lie :'-(

I have not reported him. I want him to be a part of dds life, not banged up. He's in the army.

Is there any way you guys think there could be forgiveness for this when the hurt stops?
He wants to come back, live in the family home and be 'partners' so we can still be a family. I've said no right now, because I'm still hurting so badly, but I'm so torn between parenting alone, or having a family unit.

So confused right now

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 30/07/2016 08:42

I didn't mean government benefits, I meant benefits such as army housing, access to army welfare etc. You are not legally entitled to any of it.

youarenotkiddingme · 30/07/2016 08:43

Bloody helltiddly you are amazingly co her ant and calm for someone who's just found out their 'husband' is a serial liar.

Honestly? You'll be fine. There's always a period of grief for the life you thought you'd have and the one you'll have now. But no, you'll never trust him. And there's no reason for him to change. He's currently getting away with lying about marriage and death.

Find out what you can about your current situTion and what you can do, are entitled too etc. Protect yourself and your Dd. It doesn't sound like he will - he's been happy to lie to you both.

LineyReborn · 30/07/2016 08:48

His not-so-ex-Wife must obviously be aware they're not divorced. I presume she's well aware of what she stands to gain and lose by this.

Is she aware of your existence?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

crumpet · 30/07/2016 08:48

I was in my thirties when I found out about my father's first marriage and 2 children. Probably better to proceed on the basis that anything is a possibility until there is actual proof otherwise.

LineyReborn · 30/07/2016 08:52

Actually given his track record he could well be lying about the bigamy just to have a pop at you during this separation phase.

The army will need to investigate whether that's a true statement or a lie, before they can begin the process of removing any spousal rights, not least because of your young child.

insancerre · 30/07/2016 08:55

That's a good point liney
He might well be lying about it

Can you check with any of his family about his divorce?

Hissy · 30/07/2016 09:20

I've had some involvement in how the army helps victims of DV, while there is an issue with the spousal or dp entitlement to housing etc at the end of these situations, the Army welfare absolutely will help, advise and transition the process.

In some cases they can insist the army personnel can move to barracks, leaving the dp and Dc in situ for a period of time, they can help liaise with outside agencies too, to help the dp move on etc.

Hissy · 30/07/2016 09:22

Can decree absolutes be checked online? Can marriage Certificates?

TutanKaDashian · 30/07/2016 09:33

How did he manage to marry you? Didn't he have to show the registrar the decree absolute? He must have forged it.

So sorry OP but I just couldn't forgive this. This is a huge lie and you have to wonder what else he has been lying about

Original poster

Tiddlypoo8 · 30/07/2016 13:51

Surely I'm entitled to something from army surely as its for his child's provision?

OP posts:

Original poster

Tiddlypoo8 · 30/07/2016 13:54

He declared when we were married that he has never been married before

OP posts:

RedHareWithBlondeHair · 30/07/2016 13:59

This is a lie on a stratospheric level. Of course you should report him. Sorry to say it but it sounds like the whole relationship has been a lie from day one.

HerRoyalNotness · 30/07/2016 14:02

I was wondering the same as app that he could be lying about it all! You need to get hold of his original marriage certificate and look for a divorce certificate (if either of them exist) first. He may not have been married, he may be divorced, he could be making it all up.

polarbearsolarbear · 30/07/2016 14:04

Doesn't he have parents or siblings who could fill you in on any history?

ivykaty44 · 30/07/2016 14:06

So did you know there was a visit wife before you got married?

Have you searched for a marriage for him and Mrs visit wife in the indexes?

He lied just recently about a bereavement?

Sounds like he's a compulsive liar - do your head in type

Gini99 · 30/07/2016 14:09

Just to say that if the marriage is annulled you can make the same claims in relation to finances/assets etc as if you were divorcing. You might want to think about whether that would be worth doing.

ivykaty44 · 30/07/2016 14:09

You can't get divorce certificates as such. You would need to know which court the divorce was heard and then apply for £10 a copy if the absolute ( within 10 years) otherwise if before 2006 it will be at high hilbourn, london

Original poster

Tiddlypoo8 · 30/07/2016 14:09

His parents are covering for him. I'll look for his marriage very online. She does know I exist but wether or not he knows his a father and tried to get married again God knows

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 30/07/2016 14:09

Are you sure he doesn't have any other children?

Original poster

Tiddlypoo8 · 30/07/2016 14:10

From what I know he doesn't have other children

OP posts:

LineyReborn · 30/07/2016 14:10

He declared when we were married that he has never been married before

How did you not know that was a lie?

insancerre · 30/07/2016 14:11

Do you have any legal cover on your house insurance?
You really do need to take some proper legal advice because it affects everything
Not just for you but for your daughter

ivykaty44 · 30/07/2016 14:14

You really need to report him for your own self preservation. You don't want to be landed in court with accusations of any kind. You need to protect you and your dc

LineyReborn · 30/07/2016 14:18

To be honest, the minute you knew about the existence of his wife, given you say that 'He declared when we were married that he has never been married before', you were colluding in this.

hollyisalovelyname · 30/07/2016 15:18

His parents covered for him
His siblings?
His cousins etc.
Did they all know?
You can't believe anything he says now.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread