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Straight forward yes or no answer would be most greatful- thanks

84 replies

pinkbubble · 26/01/2007 21:56

DD is quite a tomboy and almost 3yrs ago suddenly came out with that she wanted her ears pierced for her 10th Bday. I agreed paid approx £20. Well you have never seen such a performance when after 6wks we needed to take them out. She yelled she screamed she walked around for several days with just 1 earring in before she would let me take the other one out- TBH it was a total nightmare. I told her at the time if she was going to refuse to wear earrings then the holes would close and I would refuse to let her have them redone until she was 16yrs and she could pay for them herself. All was well until a few weeks ago she is just approaching to being a teenager and she is asking to have her ears pierced- I say no but DH is saying if thats want she wants then let! What would you do?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Kittypickle · 27/01/2007 09:17

Yes if she pays for them.

Sparkler1 · 27/01/2007 09:22

You could always make her do some chores around the house to earn pocket money. She can then choose what to do with the money - use it to get her ears done again or she may even decide she wants to use it for something else.
I definitely think she should pay for it herself.

batters · 27/01/2007 09:33

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tigermoth · 27/01/2007 09:51

no, and remind her of the pain. I accept there is a difference between 10 and 13, but it's the pain element that would make me say no.

kittylette · 27/01/2007 09:55

it doesn't hurt that much, and i think to tell her it will, just because you dont want her to have them done is quite cruel.

adath · 27/01/2007 12:56

Yeah but Kitty you don't think it hurts much bneither do I but my mum and my best friend thought it was agony. Everyone feels pain diferently so to say it is not sore doesn;t really apply to everyone.

I got my first set done at 13 like Kitty have had other ear and body pearcings since then.
The mum part of me says no because you said not until 16 but really in my heart i probably would follow someone elses suggestion and let her earn money doing chores then tell her she can spend it on what she wants. This is then leaving it up to her and she may decide she would rather spend the money elsewhere. But if she does get them done she has taken the responsibility for it and it is obviously what she really wanted. It also passes the buck a it too as she has to ulitimately decide for herself how inoirtant it is to her. I know at 13 I would quite happily spend my mums money on a whim but if it was my own hard earned cash I would think a bit more about it.

Not really a yes/no answer I know sorry.

kittylette · 27/01/2007 12:58

i see you point, but shes obviously made her descision to try and brave the pain to have the outcome of lovely earings, so to keep bringing up the pain seems a bit of a sly tactic

chopchopbusybusy · 27/01/2007 13:05

I'd say yes - but only if she saves up for it and you have a discussion about being responsible and cleaning them herself. TBH I think it's asking for trouble to be too strict with teenagers. If they think they will always be told no they will just stop asking and do things behind your back.

staceym11 · 27/01/2007 14:21

I had my ears peirced at 3 because i wanted them done, people suggested getting dds done as a baby and i said no she can choose when/if she wants them done.

3 years is a long time and shes probably grown up a lot, but make rules and get her to stick to them!

sorry just realised first bit was really off subject!

juuule · 27/01/2007 14:30

Yes - a big difference between 10 and 13.

jampot · 27/01/2007 14:31

no unless she pays herself with birthday money

auntymandy · 27/01/2007 14:35

she is a teenager now not a young child. Dont argue about it, discuss it. Explain why you want her to wait and remind he about last time..then its probably a yes from me!
My dd was quite young when she had hers done, but I am very hard and made her clean them etc. despite tears!

tigermoth · 27/01/2007 15:41

snurk at it being cruel and sly to remind a 13 year old that piercing can ..er.... actually hurt a bit!

The piercing hurt her a lot when she was 10, 'a total nightmare' according to the OP.

So ample reason to remind her about it IMO. And the agreement was she could have them at 16. An agreement.

If they hadn't caused her pain, then fair enough. At 13 she could give it a try, but I think I'd make her use her own money to do it.

If my husband of 50 years old wanted his ears pieced but 3 years previously had suffered much pain and bored the pants off to me about it, would it be cruel and sly to remind him of his pain and strongly advise him not to do it again? I think not.

twoisenoughmum · 27/01/2007 15:48

No - you told her you wouldn't let her have them re-done until she was 16. Stay with what you said. She may go off and get it done herself anyway, but at least you will have kept your word.

Socci · 27/01/2007 15:50

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aviatrix · 27/01/2007 15:53

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theheadgirl · 27/01/2007 16:08

yes, I let my 11yo DD it worked out OK. She looks after them, and takes them out for PE

theheadgirl · 27/01/2007 16:08

....and lets me borrow her earrings

kimi · 27/01/2007 16:15

no

sarahmumof3 · 27/01/2007 16:26

Yes. She's older now and will probably be a lot better about cleaning etc. she wants to be like her friendsand feel grown up. Good luck! Have a good check though - have the other holes definitely closed?

Socci · 27/01/2007 18:01

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pinkbubble · 27/01/2007 19:17

Thanks to all have replied sorry I havent been part of it since last night but had a very busy day visiting a sick Granny and a bit of retail therapy at Bluewater(its not my fault the hospital is right nextdoor to a shopping centre). I seem to be more confused than ever now, on one hand dont want seem Im backing down etc, but then on the otherhand she is more grown up and I should respect that she has choices etc.

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Miaou · 27/01/2007 19:33

Hmm, it's a tough one really. On the one hand you made an agreement, three years ago, that she should wait until 16. On the other hand, to stick to that just because it was said then, at a time when you didn't know what kind of person your dd would be like as she got older, seems a bit like sticking to a principle just for the sake of it. If the agreement had been that she should wait until she was 13, then there simply wouldn't be an issue now, would there?

You know what kind of person she is, pinkbubble. Does she still have a low pain threshold (complain about headaches, make a big fuss when she is ill etc)? Is she quite a mature 13 year old or is she easily led by her peers? What are her reasons for wanting them done now? What are her feelings about how it went three years ago?

IMO once a child becomes a teenager then they can earn the right to discuss things and possibly come to a compromise that suits both parties. It's all part of the process of growing up and learning to negotiate etc. If it was me, and I felt she had good reasons for wanting them done, and had thought about how she would feel about the pain side of it, then I think that her earning the money to pay for them to be pierced would be a good way to go about it.

A very long-winded way of saying what some others have already said !

pinkbubble · 27/01/2007 20:18

She is not a very confident person and is always influenced by her peers! I must admit I wish sometimes you can turn back time and what you have said it would be much easier.

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tigermoth · 27/01/2007 20:25

I think maiou has a good point about the pain threshold. How does she deal with pain normally? I think it's right that this is all about negotiation.

You could always do a straight compromise between 13 - 16. You come down by 18 months and she adds on 18 months so you end up with pierced ears at 14 years 6 months!

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