Fussy eaters on playdates

[beela]

My DS is in reception, and occasionally has friends come over after school, occasionally they stay for tea.

Last time a friend came over I checked with his mum that spag bol would be ok, she said yes. Serve up spag bol.... 'I don't eat any vegetables'... so I suggested he picked out the mushrooms and just ate the rest. 2 minutes later... 'I don't like tomatoes' (turns out his mum makes bol with pasata, but I had used tinned tomatoes so there were identifiable pieces of actual tomato in the sauce). I have seen his mum insist on him eating some veg before, and I would make my DC at least try something before refusing it, but didn't know what to do in this situation - didn't want my DC to see him getting away with something that they wouldn't, but equally I don't want to make a guest eat something that they genuinely don't like.

I may be over-thinking this. But he's coming over again after school today (going for the safe option of fishfingers & chips this time though!)

WWYD?

Safe option every single time as it's not up to me to police other kids' diets. When ds's friends came over we always had nuggets, pizza, fish fingers, hot dogs or whatever.

I thought spag bol was a safe option! Esp after checking with his mum. But I'm definitely going even safer from now on

I always asked child and mum what they liked to eat and did that.Often ended up with potato smiles and sausage/chicken nuggets/fish fingers with peas/beans/sweetcorn or would let them make pizza with choose your own toppings.
I remember one of dd's friend's mum saying to me that she had asked dd if she liked gravy and dd had replied "yes if it's real gravy (home made from scratch) but no if it's the stuff that comes from a jar" Mum was a bit because she thought gravy was gravy but it's not as far as dd is concerned.

Spag bol has too many variables you see, mushrooms in it is a no no as far as I'm concerned and I'm not a fussy eater

Pizza or fish fingers here

The dicey decision if weather to do peas or beans

Tricky!!

she had asked dd if she liked gravy and dd had replied "yes if it's real gravy (home made from scratch) but no if it's the stuff that comes from a jar"

Who on earth makes gravy from scratch for a play date? Don't you need roast meat for that?

I've often had a bit of success getting my kids' friends to try something or eat a bit more by using a line such as "I bet your mum will be really impressed to hear you true something different" or "I don't want to be in trouble with your parents for letting you not eat any vegetables!". It usually means they can be persuaded to at least try something - I wouldn't make them eat the whole lot, but can usually negotiate to agree to try at least one type of veg/three mouthfuls of something new.

Mine are older now so it's less of an issue, but "build your own" meals scan help e.g. baked potatoes or wrap with selection of salad/fillings means there is something for everyone and less annoying when you see them actively helping themselves to the bits they will eat rather than leaving piles on the plate.

Dd was only saying she didn't like gravy granules, she wouldn't have known how to make real gravy she was about 6 at the time. Her friend's mum was bemused because she didn't know anyone who would have a gravy preference tbh. Dd ate the toad in the hole anyway (without gravy)
Just illustrating really that there are so many variables like with spag bol incident above that it's really easy to get it "wrong" even with the best intentions.
As for gravy here I freeze leftover real gravy so dd always has the option.

Dd2 loves spag bol. As long as it's just mince and pasta. No tomato, passata, anything. Just plain mince.

Spag bol is DS's absolute favourite and he doesn't really care what variety it is (although mine is obviously the best) so I guess I didn't think it through!

Update: so I served fishfingers and chips, with sweetcorn (playdate's choice of veg). Left room for 2 minutes to help dd wash her hands, during which time ds persuaded playdate to try vinegar. All over his meal.
'Ooh, I like vinegar' - phew. Next bite - 'oh, actually I don't'. So the safe option was a fail too! Ds ate it, and playdate finished off dd's leftovers.

Might get him to bring a pack up next time

I asked dd's friend if she ate meat, and she said 'yes but only if it's good quality. We don't eat cheap meat.'