what was it like having a second baby?

[incywinci]

I had my first and I found the 1st year very tough. It was a huge adjustment for us, and baby was very colicky, had multiple allergies, woke up 12 times at night, and breastfeeding was very painful. It took a huge toll on us and on our marriage too.

DS is now 4, and we are thinking about having another one (I vowed I wouldn't do it again!). How is it second time round? Is it easier? Or am I completely mad to even consider having another?

Each baby is different so who knows whether you'll get an easy or difficult baby 2nd time round.
Ds1 was fairly easy but I definitely found ds2 easier, I think it's because you know what to expect and I was far more relaxed and confident 2nd time round.
Although those early days of nappies and sleepless nights are relentless at the time you do know that it won't last forever and you will come through the other side as you've done it before. Ds2 also had to fit in with the routine we already had established with ds1 so maybe that made it easier for me.
Good luck I'm sure you'll be fine.

My first baby sounds like yours - colicky nightmare, first year/18 months very difficult. I got PND it was so hard.

Had my second when DS1 was 2.8yo.

dS2 was completely different - he didn't have colic so he was a dreamy newborn, just slept, fed and pooped and that was it. Smiled early, walked at 10mo and is the happiest sunniest little chap imaginable. Very different from my first who is still highly strung and a real handful now at 3.6!!

You never know what kind of baby you will get but second time round at least you know the baby phase has an end in sight...!

Oh and this time around I took bottles and formula in my hospital bag and after 12 hours of breastfeeding just accepted I couldn't be fecking arsed with it this time and just bottle fed - with no guilt, no tears, no brow-beating, no feelings of failure. And you know what: it was the best decision ever made. I think second time around, I was just like "know what? It doesn't bloody matter - he will be eating potato waffles in 8/9 months anyway so who really cares?"

It was very liberating.

And meant me and DH shared all the night feeds from day 1.

I had an easy first baby (good feeder and good sleeper and went into natural routine quickly) and a more difficult second (intolerances, bad sleeper) BUT I found it easier second time around overall because I felt like I had a vague clue what to do and was a much more confident parent.

So much so that DC3 is due in 2 weeks...

It depends on the baby you get

DC1 was good as gold
DC2 was very difficult
DC3 was in between

Who knows what DC4 will be like ....

However it is I think easier in that your not stepping into the unknown like with DC1

My two are four years and nine months apart Incy.

First 18 months was really hard work but since then I'd say having two is easier than one.

Thanks everyone! I do feel much more confident now and feel like I know what to expect. In some ways, that makes the decision harder as I know it'll be tough!

Bot, I'm also not planning to breastfeed second time round. So I know it will be easier in terms of recovery and less isolation. I'm sure my family and inlaws will have lots to say but I couldn't give a damn

I also found DD1's first year very hard, like you it was a massive shock to the system, she was colicky, bf was painful for a good 3 months, I had PND and didn't really bond with her for ages.

We finally decided to have another when DD1 was 3, it then took us nearly two years to conceive so DD2 came along when our first was 5.5. The bad news: DD2 had even worse colic and reflux and slept worse than DD1 for the first 4-5 months! Bf again was painful, but if you've already decided not to do it again then that won't affect you. I've also found it very hard to be patient with DD1 when I'm sleep deprived and already at the end of my tether from DD2 screaming in my ear all day, so I think our relationship has suffered a bit (though I hope this is temporary).

The good news: it is easier second time round in the sense that you have more realistic expectations and you know what you're doing to some extent. I also didn't get PND and loved DD2 from the moment she was born, which has helped enormously. Now at nearly 7 months she is also much more easy going than DD1 was and will happily play by herself (sometimes...).

Overall, I'd say it is definitely harder having 2 than 1, but it's not as hard as adjusting to being a parent for the first time. Good luck with your decision!

Metalhead, thank you!

Thankfully I didn't get PND, but I am worried about it on the second round, especially if I decide not to breastfeed. I know breastfeeding spread the happy hormones in my body, because I could feel it despite how difficult it was.

I really struggled to adjust and cope after DS1. Poor sleeper, hated naps unless in car or pushchair. I swore we would never have another. Fast forward 4.5 years and we are ttc number 2. Had a mmc in March and a chemical pregnancy in April. Some lasting side effects of the mmc too. Really hope I can conceive again BUT I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind... If we can't conceive at least I won't go through the struggles again. Think that's self-preservation maybe. Interesting to hear others experiences though.

MrPoppers, sorry to hear about your experience, and wishing you all the best.

I'd think it's fate too if we couldn't conceive again, and wouldn't be devastated.

incy funnily enough I had this really weird condition with DD1 whereby instead of bf releasing happy hormones it makes you more depressed! Never heard of it before but apparently it is a real thing... thankfully I don't seem to have it this time round.

Metal, gosh that must have been awful! really pleased to hear you didn't have it this time round!

DS2 was a more difficult baby but things were easier because my outlook was more relaxed. With DS1 the difficulties came from feeling like the bad times would last forever and that giving him food that I didn't make from scratch would leave him damaged in some way. I think when you know how fast it all goes, and how everything in balance is ok, it just makes it easier to cope with.

After DS1 it was a difficult decision to go ahead and try for DS2, but when thinking about having a 3rd and a 4th it seems easy to just do it.

Dd1 was such a shock for me that l wasn't sure we'd go again tbh. But when she was 3 we started ttc. I had 2 mc but dd2 came along when dd1 was 4.9

In some ways dd2 is a bit harder than dd1 but I'm a lot more confident in my own abilities and you know it doesn't last for ever the sleepless nights.

Dd2 is 9 months old now and fabulous

My first was a complete non napper. Couldn't put him down. Felt quite overwhelmed and isolated. Couldn't manage to BF. Then he was very ill as a toddler. Very hard on us as a couple.
It was several years until we could even think about another. Second baby was FF. she slept better and would nap in the day. She was much happier to be put down (and watch DS!) I felt much more confident and sure of myself. Also less isolated because I had to get out with DS.
Good luck.

DC1 was a nightmare to BF, was never EBF and fully FF by 7 weeks. He was very sicky and constantly doing explosive poos. He was a terror by 18mo. Still a terror now at 4yo!

DC2 BF like a dream from the word go, slept through for 7hrs a night by 2wo, still is an absolutely loving, cuddly angel at 25mo.

Love them both for their nutty personalities but by heck, DC2 is sooooo much easier...

DD1 was so difficult (premature, tongue tie, chronic overtiredness, appalling sleeper). Like you I swore never again.

Having DD2 was completely different. Not "easy" - BF was a bit tricky due to oversupply, she got constant colds from her sister, I had a bout of mild PND - but it still seemed like a walk in the park after DD1. Even with a toddler to deal with as well. The first year with both of them was tough but nowhere near as tough as the first 6 months with DD1.

Also we'd already adjusted our life and our expectations of sleep and free time (to zero ) so having DD2 wasn't a massive life change in the way DD1 was. That makes a huge difference.

And as a pp said, you kind of know what you're doing second time round.

For me it was easier. I had a lot of Breast feeding anxiety with dd as I found it very hard and switched to bottles at 3 months giving Myself a very hard time. I was obsessed with schedule/routine/sleep/feeding times and dd1 was a cryer.
With ds I just bottle fed him from the start as I had evidence from many of DDs friends that it hadn't made a jot of difference to their development and happiness. I let him sleep when he was tired, eat when he was Hungry and we were all happier. I weaned him at 20 weeks because it was right for me. He was a bit more relaxed and so was I, and the birth was much quicker and easier. You'll survive even if you're not a baby person and you will soon have 2 children (not babies!)

Botticelli - potato waffles - yes!! I totally know what you mean 😉

As it happens I had no trouble bf my second, after a horrible time bf the first (i was stubborn/daft enough to not give any formula though, deposits the damage to NY mental wellbeing), but I wouldn't have heaitatedit mix-feed the second time round if need be. I think on the whole, it's true that parents are more relaxed and confident second time round and also have somewhat different priorities, and a more long-term perspective on things. I know I certainly did...

I've found it easier, DD is now 8 months and DS was 23 months when she was born. My son was colicky and hated being a baby but DD has been the most chilled out baby in the universe. Slept through from around 6 weeks old (my son didn't sleep through for a good 12months and I was on my knees with exhaustion). So I think it's the luck of the draw. DS has taken to her really well and she has just slotted right into our lives (although with a 2 year age gap we were still in baby mode I suppose). For me the first 6 months especially with DS were fucking hard. With DD it's been a little bit hard but not much. It's very much the luck of the draw regarding sleep and health of the baby though

I had it easier second time. My labour and birth were fast an easy, I had a baby who slept, would be put down, wasn't colicky and who was very easy going. Compared to my first it was much easier and I already knew what I was doing so I didn't have the learning curve.

My first was really difficult and I found the first year horrendously difficult.

I guess no-one knows what sort of baby you'll get before it arrives but you'll be ahead of the game second time around and I reckon the added confidence helps.