Should we move? Dilemma

[zelda200]

Having originally thought of moving for children's benefit - to a better school - I'm now having massive second thoughts because I think it might harm them.

We would be moving from London to Oxford and I am worried that any school benefits will be outweighed by leaving their home (they were born there, have lived there all their lives, 9 and 7 years), friends they've known since nursery, and the security from all that.

We would also be moving to a smaller house (though we would extend soon), but with a garden, which we don't currently have.

It's also a big upheaval for DH, who will have to commute to London 3 days out of 5, but he is gamely doing along with it.

The main reason for moving is for a better primary school (better academically, more outdoor space, sports etc), near DH's family, and I also think Oxford might be better place to be a teenager than London. But now am in turmoil as DD is already v anxious about the move.

Could we go for a year to try it out, or is that more unsettling for the children?

Are you familiar with Oxford? If it's somewhere you and Dh feel you'll be happy as a family then go for it.

I would have thought London would be much better for teens than Oxford! Much more to do and more opportunities work wise.

In a few years they'll hardly even remember London. Don't give it a second thought. Not sure Oxford to London is a massive commute though is it?

I'd quite like to move my child out of london also. Safer area for those early stages of exploring and being independent is a massive plus? Around our way lots of stuff tends to happen road accidents police incidents etc one police tape could really upset your child if its between them and home. Plus a garden is a massive plus. Its got to be right for you and DH though most importantly your children will be leaving home in a few years :-(

DH commutes each day Oxfordshire to London, we live a few miles outside Oxford. Feel free to PM me with a list of questions OP

My dh was a teen in London (elsewhere before that) and absolutely loved it, as did his friends (great public transport, lots to do). He'd move back for our childrens' teen years if that was possible. I wouldn't think Oxford would be better on that element, but the other factors sound compelling. Your children will adapt and it will become home, but the commute does sound difficult. Would he be permanently doing it or is there a chance of a job closer to Oxford in the future?

Thanks so much for all the comments, really great to be able to talk about it.

I grew up in London and thought it was not good place to be a young teenager - too big, always on public transport, tiny fish in an enormous pond, doing grown up things far too soon.

DH grew up in Oxford, and it sounded perfect - small enough to walk to see friends but big enough to have lots of pubs etc so you're not always bumping into your parents' friends.

I know and like Oxford and like the idea of being nearer the countryside and DH's family (and my children's cousins) but this is all in theory and it still feels like a massive upheaval.

DH might find work in Oxford but is sceptical due to his type of work... he might be able to commute fewer days.

The problem is this is all my idea and I feel like I'm dragging everyone along and now I'm not that confident about it. Would love some good moving success stories!

We moved 6 years ago from London to Oxford. DH commutes every day Bicester North to Marleybone, which takes 50 minutes. Our village is gorgeous, and I regularly take DS1+2 into Oxford for a trot round/lunch.

We love it.

OP, we moved half way around the world when DD1 was 7 (NZ to Ireland) and DD2 was 3, having done similar in the opposite direction when they were 4 and a newborn.

Children are amazingly resilient. DD1 missed her friends a lot at the beginning, but settled in well, and the presence of her adored grandparents nearby made life a bit easier. When everything else about the move is positive, I wouldnt think it will cause them damage to move them away from friends (and if my 7yo can keep in touch with friends in NZ, I'd imagine it will be a lot easier for London to Oxford!)