Smacking children can affect schooling Smacking children can affect schooling Smacking children can affect schooling Smacking children can affect schooling

[papillon]

this

yes it would be interesting I cannot think how you could do this and not as a result of frustration or power trip as has already been said how do you diffientiate disclipine with behaviour if children who are dicliplined in this way how do you cope if they hit out when they are cross or use it against other children how you do stop them

forgot punctuation there eh goth?

puntuation, who has time for that - sneaked up while tea was cooking.

Great post Blu.

And agree it's interesting that those parents who smack have never been asked to explain why it's sometimes ok to hit and sometimes not. I'd like to hear that justification myself.

Thanks for starting this link paps, I've read almost all of it.

I agree that smacking/repeating oneself is lazy parenting. But I have to be honest there have been times when I felt I deserved the award for worst mum in the universe I think shrieking can be almost as bad. DS2 is very hard work at times and I can be almost in tears with him,DS1 is very bright and can be cheeky with it which annoys me but I'm trying to give them a bit more slack of late,especially little one. I've just come off ADs and started St johns today so maybe next week I'll be the Brady mum

Honestly can't answer that one. I can tell you that it isn't that my kids have been so traumatised that they don't dare to question me!

We get questioned all time about everything imaginable, and dd does a great line in 'It's not fair!' But that one has never, ever cropped up!

Must add I agree with the mum who said how come we can smack children but not adults. They deserve it less IMO as they're little people learning to be big people.

Not that I smack big people though!

I was smacked as a child and don't recall the reason. I also remember my dad chasing me with his huge leather belt and have a vague recollectin of being hit with a buckle. I also got smacked at school, on the hand and bottom. Going back to the reason for this link I feel it did affect my schooling. I wasn't v happy even though it seems from a recent school reunion I was v popular. A lot of my school life was spent in a 'fog'. It's such a shame really as I had a flair for a few topics, chemistry and tech drawing being two that I remember. I spent a lot of time clowning and chatting, when I should have studied.

Juniper it was me adults etc and hello havent spoken for ages good to hear from you. We are all the best mums we can possibly be I am sure but spent today mostly at awful ballet and then went for walk in afternoon with kids. the talk turned to funerals and they started to talk about what if I died! hey said that if people at my funeral said sillly things they would say "She was the best mum in the universe and really funny so funny snot ran down our nose we laughed so much". Reckon that if I ever do die suddenly that will be the best epitaph ever. Also I have done so many wrong things but I always apologise and often laugh at myself in front of them. We cant always get it right but kids are amazing at letting us off the hook

I'm interested to know why smacking a child is more traumatic than other forms of punishment? My ds who is 5 finds any punishment traumatic! Being made to sit on a chair in the middle of the kitchen with nothing to do (no stairs to sit on in our house!) or being deprived of watching videos are also very upsetting to him. I would say that he recovers from a smack much quicker. Not that he gets smacked much these days. I do think that they outgrow it - dd is 7 and never gets smacked because she is old enough to reason with and responds better to positive incentives. I think that if a child is consistently naughty and is continuing with bad behaviour in spite of warnings then a smack can break the cycle.

But how???

yes how and how do they learn not to do something other than through the pain or do you explain first and then do it - what do you do if it does not work what is the ultimate discipline /punishment ?

The purpose of a smack is to inflict pain (again dont mean tap). How does pain teach a child that what they did was wrong and why? Unless the pain is to instil fear but how does this teach?

If it cant be explained then why inflict pain for no purpose?

I wouldn't smack my kids without warning. And hercules, a smack can break a cycle of bad behaviour because it gains a child's attention and stops the bad behaviour immediately. gothicmama I wouldn't agree with using smacking as the only form of discipline. And if it doesn't work? Well, any form of discipline can fail. And the ultimate punishment? Don't know, haven't thought of it yet. (Last sentence tongue in cheek.)

So how do you then tell a child that it is not okay to hit another in the playground?

hercules, the purpose of a smack is not to inflict pain, it is to stop bad behaviour. The side effect of any punishment is that it causes unhappiness of some sort.

A child should not smack another child in the playground because children do not discipline other children - the matter should be sorted out peacefully or by an adult.

But what about my last question? What is a child being taught?

Exactly!

Sorry to interrupt the thread (which is really interesting), to respond to Eddm - I do think it's perfectly justifiable to attack the media on almost any given occasion! Had another look at the link, and OK, it does make it clear that it is just an overview and not original research, but many readers don't get past the headline. Also, I agree with you that collated studies are perfectly valid, and have their place, but the point I was making is that the reader can't make an informed judgement about the validity of the study without knowing exactly what was chosen to be included, who commissioned each of those other reports, (what axes were being ground, if any?) and all the other basics - none of which are reported in this article. I also agree that unhappily, it isn't the most glaring example of lousy reporting - on the contrary, it's less sensationalist than most, but that is what is so depressing about it; it gives the reader absolutely no information about the methodology, but gives quite a lot of detail about the results. And sorry, but results without knowing how they were arrived at, mean nothing. This study could be an excellent and important piece of work or it could be a pile of doggy poo; but from the report, we just don't know, because it doesn't tell us the basics. Oh, also agree with you that academics are responsible for communicating, and sometimes they themselves put a spin on things to gain publicity, but quite often they are not in charge of the means of communication - they can't control journalists and journalists have to simplify, sometimes to such a level that what they are reporting ends up misleading.

herc, the child is being taught that if he/she can't behave then he/she will be punished.

And what about my question? Why is a smack more traumatic than other punishments?

Can't wait for an answer as husband wants computer.

But you did just say to stop bad behaviour not to inflict pain. Surely the punishment is inflicting pain?

Personally i've not used humiliation as a tactic , more gone with discussion, explaining etc. I've never seen the purpose of hitting.
Ds was an only child until recently so not had to deal with any sibbling squabbling etc so been lucky in that respect.

To me a smack is not more traumatic but doesnt lead by a good example nor serves any purpose other than humiliation and p[ain.