Smacking children can affect schooling Smacking children can affect schooling Smacking children can affect schooling Smacking children can affect schooling

[papillon]

this

but beetroot. i never said what tone of voice i used one way or the other

my husband used to work for sure start and was told to report a parent who smacked a child. Sure start is only available to parents in socially ( and fequently politically ) deprived areas, therefore infering that parents with more money are better equiped at parenting a child. compulsary parenting classes should be for all no matter what social class you are from

Agree re SureStart, too...was going to comment on the patronising and socially divisive aspect, but I keep writing too long posts! (btw I am in a SureStart area and get invited...but I'm a low-income middle-class mum so always at work and can't go ) (anyway i have MN to keep my parenting in line)

youshouldtell them so blu. you should ask them what they are doing to include working parents - evening mtg's and such. it is their job to be as inclusive as possible. stand your ground girl!

Yep, tried all of that (said child is now 14, so no longer applies!). When you have 4 children under 6 you can't always leave earlier & be more organised...

We would get in the car, strap everyone in, set off up the road & hear "click". Stop car, do up straps "straps stay done up", set off, click. Didn't want to sit in car seat, wanted to climb all over car.... no amount of distraction, food, promises of rewards for good behaviour ever worked. What did work was a smack, combined with "I told you straps stay done up. Leave it".

Other 3 understood that car= straps & never attempted to undo them.

Better a smack than going through the windscreen.

How many mums posting on here have more than 2 kids? Just wondered as I've found my 2 boys amazingly different in their behaviour. DS1 has never been a problem (ok a little bit) but DS2 had me in tears in public today he was soooooo disobedient. My mum was shocked at the way he behaves but like me was at a loss. All kids are different and nothing at all would have worked with DS2 today. I had to carry him out of a huge area screaming like you wouldn't believe. I honestly felt like walking away and leaving him but of course didn't.
Whilst buying my train tickets I spotted a lady with 3 very well behaved boys and felt so envious. Of course they seemed all 'normal' whatever that means. But I just hope and pray that DS2 turns out ok and happy when he's older and feel grateful when I think of friends with v poorly or disabled kids.

Anyway, who has a few children with differing natures as opposed to 1 beautifully behaved child? I will throw my hands up and admit to feeling smug when I only had DS1 as I was the perfect parent for producing this perfectly behaved boy. I think God must be trying to teach me a little lesson though now

juniper, our intense gratitude that DD is sooooo easy and always has been is one of our very good reasons for not having any more. It would be pay back time! Your comments just confirm that i am right to want to scream at people who nod sagely and say "the second is easier, you know".

Juniper, I thank my lucky starts that although DS is extremely lively, fearless, lively, determined and can be fierce and passionate, he also has the sunniest nature, and most of the time seems eager to 'get it right'. Children do have very different natures - exacerbated for better or worse by nurture.

Have u ever felt smug or is it just me? I used to be amazed at the behaviour of my mates boy. it wasn't anywhere near as bad as DS2 though. Mind you she says now that I was one of the ones who told her he was just being a boy and would be fine. He was and is btw and he's so easy now. In fact he's the kindest boy I know (but don't tell my DS1 I said that )

beety stop being a pedant. i was obviously editing to show a point. good manners are fundamental in our home.

Interesting points about different personalities in children, but do you think that the personalities of the parents make a difference too.

I think I am naturally very calm and laid back(almost bovine really) - I can honestly only remember losing my temper 3 times in my whole teen to adult life. I think I'm more inclided to be analytical and measured in my responses to thing. I guess I just don;t get wound up that much!

If on the other hand you are a more energetic, up and down kind of person (and I don;t mean this in any way negatively - sometimes I wish I could get more excited about things) maybe the way you react to things is different.

Not better, not worse - just different!

SO it could be a combination of different parents and different children, not just different children.

Still can't think that smacking is the answer though!

I hope I don't feel smug, but I do often feel very very proud of my little boy, he is sociable, has good manners (as long as not expected to sit at table an eat for more than 8 secs) and generally as nice with other children as his boisterousness allows! But he IS only 2 and three quarters, and I may be living in a sense of false security!!

The most disruptive, snatchy, fractious, tantrum-prone child we mix with (and I am v v fond of her) has the calmest most laid-back Mum. I wonder if it's because she has the patience to allow the racket to continue? The child is gradually coming out of it in her own time, too.

absolutley soapy, parental attitudes make all the difference as can the kind of day you have had.

i feel almost constantly smug at the impeccable behaviour of my children in company and i think its down to the damned fine parenting skills of my husband and i!

That's great blu, if he's like that at such a young age then I bet he's going to stay that way.

soapbox, maybe you're right about that when your kids are born without any special needs. This mum that I saw with her 3 lovely boys seemed v laid back. I know you can't judge people that easily but they all seemed so serene to me.

My mam is very laid back and today she had no clue what to do with DS2. She's a gran mother and great gran and brought up 4 of us without smacking or shouting much (dad did though ) but she just felt sad for me. DS2 may have special needs, we don't know for sure yet but deep down I know there's something. My parenting won't change that but by not smacking him and trying not to shout too much I may help to alleviate unnecessary suffering on his part. Like I've said earlier though, some days I feel like a right c** but I'm not a perfect parent after all.

Exactly, Juniper; your positive understanding - good parenting - will help him for the better. Many parents would have resorted to pointless shouting by now. Sorry, I hadn't picked up that you think your DS may have sp needs. Glad your parents are supportive and understanding, too.

Thanks for that blu x

I'm grateful he was born to me as even though I do lose it and shout at times I know if he'd been born to some families they'd have smacked him silly. No one on here may I add just people I know in the flesh. I've even heard them say they would wallop him. My MIL has said on more than one occasion that she doesn't know how I keep my hands to myself. Mind you even though I don't like smacking her sons were both smacked and are mega intelligent so it didn't affect their schooling. Plus DH doesn't smack my two and his bro doesn't as far as I know. They weren't smacked a lot though. She did resort to locking my DH in a cupboard and telling him the bogey man would get him if he didn't behave but she vehementaly denies this. Oh that was for not praying and DH is an aethiest so I blame her for that She also says DS2 is weird so thank God she only had two 'normal' sons. Having said that I do love her dearly just don't like some of her ways. But then again she probably doesn't like some of mine.

Yes, I'm pleased he was born to you, too! I have seen mum's of autistic kids on MN say their relatives are continually saying the children just need a good clout. As if! Anyway, I'll keep an eye out for your progress in finding the right support for DS..good luck - and good night!

Good night to you too x I have to go and pack as we're off on hols for a week to Oasis and In laws are coming too Ho hum! I'll tell you how we got on when I get back next Friday. They came on this break last year and I had to leave a restaurant with DS2 without eating a morselful as he was so disruptive. MILs comments were charming too as you can imagine.

am sorry too beety for being a cow!

She's always like that Beety!

Do you think smacking harms adults? 'Cause I'm sure everyone can think of a few adults who could just do with a good smacking! Ok, it might not be very pc, but I guess it's the short sharp shock treatment. Luckily I don't have to smack, I only have to raise my voice and adopt a certain tone to make dd freeze in her tracks! Plus she knows that if I threaten something, I will most certainly carry it out!

I still think that it should be ok to slap certain people who are really annoying you though!

Come over here and say that!