What the bloody hell do we do?

[MrsY]

My husband dropped our 7 year old off at school yesterday morning, and the teacher took him to one side.
Apparently, she has been asking to, or offering to kiss year 6 boys on their privates. She has been told this by other parents in the class.
When he asked her about this, she said it wasn't true, and it must be a friend telling lies about her, but it seems she admitted it to the teacher.
We've asked her teacher to try and find out from the boys if this happened or not, but I doubt we'll ever know exactly what, if anything was said.

What the fuck do we do? Leave it? Talk to her again? I just can't even imagine where she got the idea from. I feel angry and devastated and nauseas and I am worried if we handle this badly we can make the situation worse.

Please help.

Ok please keep in mind, everyone on here will give advice, we aren't experts

I would try and get some alone time with your daughter, gently mention what the teacher has told you again, and ask why she's asking about it. Try and let her lead without bombarding her with questions. It may be she's seen a glimpse of a film with something along those lines (not necessarily a blue film, plenty of films have innuendos and suggestive moments) or she has heard or seen something. It could be a wild imagination? There are other possibilities, but let her tell you if possible. Try and keep as calm and open as possible and keep checking in with teacher.

I'm sorry, I really don't know what else to suggest until you know more. Good luck

Echoes Imnotagilmoregirl's caveat!

I suppose you'll need to emphasise that it's not appropriate behaviour (whether or not it actually happened). You could liaise with the teacher and find out if they are covering anything like this in PSHE. Teacher may be able to offer some advice/more information at an organised meeting.

Good luck!

No you don't leave it, you have to find out where she's picked that up. Enlist the schools help with it.

Aren't the school supporting you and giving you advice? I wouldn't be leaving it.

I'm sorry to hear that this has happened, my DD is four years of age, if I were you I would stop until I got to the bottom of it.

I do hope you find some closure soon.

I fully agree that you should investigate the root of the idea of kissing someone's privates - just to be sure that your DD hasn't been exposed to language or concepts that are beyond her years.

But...

I remember being seven, and if your daughter is anything like me at that age:

• She knows that privates are indeed private - therefore they are off-limits, secret and taboo.

• Kissing is probably the nearest she knows about sexual relationships, it's adult, and again taboo.

It wouldn't surprise me if she was knowingly saying something she knew to be shocking because it contained two taboo subjects, it's very exciting at that age to know about taboo things and to talk about them - I distinctly remember borrowing the class Dictionary (aged 7 or 8) to look up 'fancying' because I knew that adults and older people 'fancied' each other.

It wouldn't surprise me if the likeness to oral-sex that we, as adults, have heard in her statement is an absolute coincidence and fluke of her conjoining two taboo subjects.

According to safeguarding training the teacher should not have told you and passed the information on to the relevant person/team. It is not the schools place to investigate something like this, the relevant authorities need to...

My husband dropped her off this morning and asked to the teacher to get as much information as she could so we could try and piece together what happened.

I spoke to her teacher at pick up, her 'friend' told her to say it to the boys. I am really glad we have a week of school so I can gather my thoughts.

We are going to make it clear to her that what she said was not appropriate and have another meeting with her teacher after half term.

Thanks for the advice and support.

Is the teacher going to speak to the friend's parents and/or follow this up?

Yes teacher should have followed safeguarding procedures and told child protection officer at school who would follow it up with a referral to social services. Don't panic if this happens although they should have acted on it within 24 hours and inform you if they were making a referral.

As a parent you would want to know where she has got that idea from and I would discuss it with her casually and gently and obviously reinforce the inappropriateness of it. It might well be she has heard something from another child at school.

Thanks again for your advice.

We sat down with the teacher and the school are happy that they have followed their safeguarding proceedures - they feel it was not necessary to report it to anyone else but it has been noted and the children involved monitored for a pattern of this behaviour.

It is (obviously) unclear exactly who said what, although one child has admitted most of it. Our daughter is clearly very uncomfortable, and was upset that she had to visit the headmaster to discuss it. The school are arranging 'friendship' sessions for these girls, and others, to highlight the idea that friends don't suggest things that may get each other in trouble. The two (my daughter and the supposed instigator) have a love-hate relationship that has bothered me for a while, so I hope these sessions will help that.

The other girls mum has been told, and apparanetly wants to talk to me about it and apologise, but hasn't been in touch so far. So, one to watch.