Bad Mother Brigade

[bloss]

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Firstly Bloss I'm so sorry to hear about your fil. To some extent I know how it feels as my husband lost his gran just over a month ago. He was brought up by his grandparents so was very close to her.

You described in your original post exactly how I was feeling a few months ago. I HATED being at home, at one stage I thought I don't want to do this anymore. In fact I was so unhappy I moved 40 miles to be nearer family ans started working part time.

I now know that I was suffereing from post natal depression and still am. My new health visitor picked it up. It is still hard but I think that you should speak to someone about how you feel. I used to think that post natal depression only started straight after the birth but it can come on much later.

Do try and get out more. It will help you to feel better.

Julie

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Bloss, I think that you are doing brilliantly to keep your sense of humour as well. It must be terrible and I send you tons of cyber sympathy.
I agree, why not try the bottle straight away ? How old is dd ? It's great that dh is so supportive for you. Its so important when times are difficult.

Maybe dd is picking up on the emotions in the house what with DH's dad dying etc and perhaps that's partly the cause ? I know my dd is very sensitive and reacts if I am angry or fed up even if I don't show it, she just senses it, also when I'm upset.

Chin up, I think you're doing brilliantly. And just remember those people that look shocked at those sort of comments haven't been sleepless for 2 days !! Ignore them.

Bloss, you have all my sympathy. I also had the angel first, followed by the child from hell! We used to joke that she had 666 tattooed on her head! All I can say is I know what you are going through. Looking back, I think I had PND, but I got through it by telling myself I had B**Y good reason to be depressed (no sleep, baby continually awake, dh in hosp, no family for miles etc etc) Do try not to be too hard on yourself. 4 years further on, she is still a very difficult child, but she is also the most loving child you could wish to meet - if she likes you that is (she is VERY fussy about who she likes & dislikes).
Also, she has absolutely no memory of the times I used to swear at her, & still loves me v much.

Bloss, a nice girl like you swearing in public! Don't worry, I've been there, got the t-shirt. We're only human, please don't feel bad about getting angry with your situation, I think you are managing brilliantly and it's always the sleep deprivation that gets to you first. I agree with the others about giving a night-time bottle, you will feel so much better after a couple of decent nights sleep.
Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers, take care. xx

Hi, I was so sorry to hear about your bereavement. Can I strongly recommend one of those Tommee Tippee clips that velcro round the dummy handle and then clip to baby clothing so they don't fall on the ground when the baby stops sucking. They are FANTASTIC, and that's from someone who has been v tempted to take dummy out of muddy puddle and put it back into the mouth of wailing baby. Also, ds learned to put his own dummy back because of the clip and now, with the clip attached to his grobag, can put it back in the middle of the night and SLEEP THROUGH (a miracle at 8months so I know what you mean about the sleeep). I have just read a new book which suggests for tricky babies a combination of tight swaddling, dummy, vigorous side-to-side jiggling (fast but quite small movements) and saying Shh..Shhh quite loudly in the baby's ear - done all together to calm them and help them sleep. It had a little video and looked quite effective - made the baby in the vid sleep within 3mins (but then they don't show all the failures, do they!). Might be worth a try. If you don't feel better you might see your GP re PND - though I know all my 'throw the little bugger out of the window' days were due to exhaustion. Good luck

Bloss, just to say I'm wishing you a better next week. I agree about trying a bottle at night if it means more sleep.

You need to keep going for both your children's sakes, not to mention your dh. IME, you have to adopt a more casual approach the second time around, just because you are spread more thinly. Don't worry about throwing the 'perfect mother' rule book out of the window - and I mean ANY book here, not GF

Good luck Bloss, there will come a time when you will look back at this and wonder how you got through it! I know from previous posts that you are a religious person so I'm sure you won't mind if I say that I will pray for you and your family.

Hi Bloss,

Sorry to hear things are feeling dire at the moment. It really sounds like you need a good rest to me. Is there any way you could grab enough ebm or some formula and delegate dh the baby care for just one night? I know he's having a rough time but it sounds like you need this badly. Or are any of your rellies at hand to help you out at all? As soon as these babies are over their colds arrange a proper break for yourself if you possibly can.

In the short term, if you're feeling so angry you want to throw the baby out of the window, put her down in a safe place, walk away and take a few (million!) deep breaths - have a cup of tea, maybe? If you feel like that you MUST give yourself a time out or break because that sort of feeling, though PERFECTLY NORMAL, is an indication that you need one! Don't worry too much about ds being disturbed by her cries. IME siblings can bear the sound of each other's wailing without undue distress.

Remember this WILL pass in time and probably quite soon- wasn't it at about 4-6 months that your ds started to be a bit easier to handle and more settled in a routine? I am thinking of you and have my fingers crossed for you. I strongly believe that you are a fine person who will get through this difficult time. Things will get better and soon enough you'll be tapping out great advice to other people on the talkboards on the strength of it!

I second Tigermoth's advice about rejecting ALL "perfect mother" books and mindsets (and contented little baby ones, while you're at it?! -JOKE!)and doing what feels right for you and your kids.

Take care.

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congratulations on all fronts! glad to hear you are feeling better

Great news Bloss!. I am horrified at Sydney property prices these days - they don't seem a million miles from London levels. Look forward to hearing your progress with your new business.

Well, how nice to hear such tremendous news, Bloss. Also looking forward to hearing how the business start-up goes. And if she has really been on the phone to you for 2-3 weeks, then a bouquet for GF too!

Glad things are going your way, bloss. Good luck with all your plans.

Great news Bloss...come on, tell us about your idea! love Mopsy x

So glad to hear that things are getting better Bloss. Best of luck with your new career, hope it all turns out peachy.

Bloss, are you still there? I have only just looked at this thread, but what you describe is exactly what I am going through. When did things start to get better?
DS2 is 18 weeks and driving me insane with his constant feeding and never, ever letting me put him down. DS1 is neglected - evey single tiny thing I do for him has to be paid for in DS2's screams.
My Dh is never here, finishes work at 9 or 10 pm (he's a farmer, the idiot), so I get no relief at all, apart from when DS1 goes to the childminder 1 or 2 days a week, when I work from home, but then I still have DS2 to contend with as he is too little to go and won't take a bottle, only BREAST, BREAST, BREAST .......... sorry, this is a rant.

I honestly feel today as if I can't go on. I hate my life and would get out of it if I could. I feel guilty for saying that when there are people like Bobbins and Marina who would swap places and have their loved ones back, but that's just the way I feel. Who is this life for, anyway? Is it for me or just for other people? If it's the former, then what's the point?

I hope bringing this up again doesn't make you miserable, but I was wondering how you got on.

Droile - I know you are looking for a response from Bloss but I just wanted to ask why you don't send Ds2 to the childminder a couple of days a week. If he is hungry he will take a bottle - just ask Jasper
I went back to work when dd was 14 weeks old. I expressed whenever I could between feeds ( although sometimes those were short periods) and added small amounts together to make full feeds.
Does ds take a dummy? Do you have friends who can take him out in the pram for you to give you a break? He does not need to be permanently attached to you despite the fact you are exclusively feeding at the moment. Hope he settles out for you soon.