Chalk amd cheese blended family

[Auntyhen]

Please does anyone have suggestions for how my daughter might overcome what seem like impossible problems bringing together her parenting with her partner's?Both have two children under five from a previous relationship. The problem is our family expect, and have taught, manners, respect, good language and learning skills, and our two children are sensitive, secure and kind. Their mum was married to their father. The other two children have been on the At Risk register, left to fend for themselves by a drug user mother, they have lived a chaotic unstimulating, unsupportive lifestyle and frankly are understandably wild, lacking boundaries and articulacy.. They constantly scream, fight, and shove and are on the go all the time. You can't even read them a story, they never sit still. Their Dad 's response is to love and indulge, a neglected child himself he knows nothing other than Neglect or Indulge. He never lived with his children, their mum has other older children with different fathers and would not risk her Benefits, housing and party lifestyle by settling down. How on earth can this relationship ever work?

[Gillian1980]

Do they live with their dad now?

He is right to love and "indulge", though there needs to be boundaries too. These kids are likely traumatised and suffering from attachment issues. Until they feel accepted and loved they cannot even begin to recover, until then they cannot simply choose to behave - they are likely incapable of it.

Your family will need to overlook their behavioural difficulties for now, have compassion for what they have experienced, and show them love and acceptance.

[Gillian1980]

I would also suggest therapy - for the children, but possibly for their family unit too.

[Auntyhen]

Sadly their Dad lost the custody case, they have shared parenting but it means his job is now at risk as he has to do all the transporting to and from a nursery and their mums home which are in a different city. It is within the mums walking or bus distance but she fails to take them. He is appealing. I do despair of courts sometimes, but thats a whole different story. The result is anyway that those children move between homes that may as well be on different planets. The behaviours we would wish to eradicate are essential survival mechanisms at their other home where mum does not get out of bed till the afternoon and is usually stoned even then.