3 children and working full-time

[Alwaysinahurrynow]

Pregnant with no3 and the number of other mums/colleagues/people who have gone 'well you'll be going part-time/staying at home now, won't you?' is starting to genuinely drive me mad. Why just because it wouldn't work for you/you wouldn't want to do this, is this an acceptable thing to say? I'm starting to come up with increasingly sarcastic responses. Sorry a bit of a rant but it is 2016 not 1956.

Don't see what the year has got to do with it. People are probably just wondering why you would want to pay out lots of childcare when you might be in a similar financial position not working and your DC get the benefit of a sahm.

The year was in that in 1956, it was more unusual for women to continue working after they got married and very unusual after having children.

I didn't want this to be a sahm v wohp debate and that is why it was not phrased as a judgement on other people's choices. It's more the assumption that for some reason despite already having two children and working full-time, the third would change this. People already say I'm 'brave' for working full-time with two which irritates me.

Fair play to you. I would think for a lot of people the childcare costs would make working untenable with 3 - and the practicalities make being a SAHM more likely, but I don't see why it's anything to get offended by. I don't think it's anything about dated attitudes, just about the expense of and practical issues of having 3 children.

A few people have said it to me too - I was and decided that they must know how much I love my babies and also think they are cute

Our childcare is fixed regardless of number of children - nanny

I only have one and work 3 days.
I can just about afford childcare for the 2 days he goes into nursery and be able to make any 'profit' from working if that make sense.

You're fortunate that you're able to afford to pay childcare x 3, to some people the childcare costs outweigh what you actually bring home from working so it makes no sense to work.

personally I'd like to win the lottery and jack it in completely

I currently had my DS3. Childcare for two children wouldn't be worth me working even if my DD was in half a day in nursery she would still need collecting. The job I currently do is 5 hours a day around school time to collect the eldest who's 7 so it's all a juggling act. My DH has set shifts 7.30-4.30 so it only leaves me to do the school run. Prior to having my newborn my parents had DD but due to ill health unable to have two under 5. I do think it's common that many mums after a third may struggle to return to work.

My friend has just put her notice in after having third child. The only way I could work is if I found a job in the evening which I would consider once maternity leave is up. But then it's a struggle to find a job that would fit with our home life.

Has your DP been asked if he is going part time / going to give up work?

pitterpatterrain no, of course, not and that's half the reason it bugs me. No-one asks the men who work with three plus children if they are giving up.

YANBU. My husband has 3 children and works. I have 3 children and work.

This is just mindless sexism and would piss me off too

Yup. Sorry to sound so trite but as streetcar says I would agree it is mindless sexism and completely frustrating

It's just a assumption due to cost I would think

To have 3 kids in full time childcare I'd be £3000 a month

Quite unrealistic for most

But why assume the woman is the one who stops even if due to cost?

Well I assume because more often than not the woman prefers to stay at home with kids if given the choice. Doesn't suit everyone but I would imagine it's still more common even today to have more stay at home mums than stay at home dads if you looked at statistics in the uk.

I don't know why this bothers you. Facts are facts.
Majority of employments don't cover the cost of 3 children's childcare.
Many women would still prefer to stay at home with their children, if they could.

So, you have every right to not do either of these things, and just as much right to not WANT to. But come on, have the common sense to recognise it's not the norm.

I don't know why this bothers you. Facts are facts.
Majority of employments don't cover the cost of 3 children's childcare.
Many women would still prefer to stay at home with their children, if they could.

So, you have every right to not do either of these things, and just as much right to not WANT to. But come on, have the common sense to recognise it's not the norm.

obs using your argument of "facts are facts"....

In the uk black people are statistically more likely to commit a crime than white people. They account for 2.7% of the population but nearly 14% of the prison population.

Would you be arguing against the op if she was black and someone said to her "well I guess you'll be committing a crime soon then will you?" I'm quite sure you wouldn't then be saying i don't know why this bothers you. Facts are facts

The point is that stupid sexist or racist stereotypes are rude/harmful/unacceptable.

I pay 800 for the 3 for childcare until 6 every day. I know plenty of working mums who work full time.

I'm about to go back to work after mat leave with my third. I work four long days a week in a highly paid but high stress job (supposedly office hours but 2am finishes are not unheard of). To be honest I couldn't do it if I didn't have rock solid childcare, an amazing cleaner and a very supportive DH who works at home and can do the majority of the drop offs/ pick ups. Mine are nearly one, nearly three and nearly five.

All very well while they are little but I found working full time with 3 older dc impossible due to need to juggle different schools, activities, emotional issues and school holidays. Horses for courses and if you can make the most of developing your career while they're young and are happy to be with anyone who can feed them and change a nappy!

wutheringtights hope your return goes well. I've recently gone back and am struggling a bit. It's not the being back at work in itself. I think being in the fourth new role in under 6 years and having had three years out on maternity leave in that period, I feel a bit out of the loop. I'm hoping it gets a bit better. I wonder if a returnship type scheme would have been a good idea, unfortunately you only qualify for those if you've taken two subsequent years out. Hope your return goes smoothly.

Forgive me Im a father on Mumnet. Im hiding under my desk...
I work full time and have full custody to my three with a incontinent dog lol.
My rent is £800 and child care is £795 a month. Im exhausted and have to make sure my three go to as many beaches and adventures every weekend because there at school 3hours a day more than every other kid because I have to work full time.

I wish I could afford to work Part time. I think I have forgotten what my bed looks like lol.
If its poss please advise me as CAB and HMRC are not very helpful.