Child on playdate has just told dd...

[eemie]

that she has a tv in her room and is allowed to watch it till 10pm (they're 8)

that bedtime stories are babyish

and that for her packed lunch she has a sandwich, a packet of crisps, two chocolate biscuits and a scotch egg

dd has to stop watching tv at the close of CBBC (7pm) goes to bed at 7.30, has stories till 8 or so, and has no tv or music in her room. She'd love to have packed lunches but I've always said that, until she eats more fruit and veg, she has to have a cooked meal. Also that when she does have packed lunches they'll be healthy.

Am I trapped in the 1950s?

Dad bought dd a portable DVD player when she was 5. I just hid it.

well i would rather two brothers see who is faster on formula one x box than one of my sons getting an std or risk of pregnancy.

don't think you have to worry too much about one of your boys getting pregnant

and its not their only source of entertainment or activity. is one in a range.

its not either or.

my teenagers do not have tv in their rooms - nor will they

fine i'm a bad parent.

My DD who's 8, goes to bed quite late I think. She only seems to need about 9 hours sleep! I once queried the doctor about it, and he said some of us are just born-nightowls! The last hour or so before she goes to bed, she draws quietly or reads books, so she has 'quiet time' to wind herself down. When she goes to bed, I read to her every night and then she has Classic FM on quietly while she goes to sleep and a CD of her choice on weekends. The music is first and foremost so that she can't hear the noise going on next door (they shout at all hours every night), and the Classic FM was her choice because she says it makes her sleepy

She has access to the computer/internet downstairs for up to an hour a day if she chooses to (but only actually uses it 2 or 3 times a week). The only TV/Video/DVD is in our living room, as is my ancient old Sega Megadrive which she enjoys playing on about once a month!

I would never dream of putting a TV or FRIDGE in her room. The fridge in particular is a really disgraceful idea!

For what it's worth, I don't think having a TV in your child's bedroom makes you a bad parent, just a parent with different values to myself. I had a TV in my room after I turned 16, and I don't think it's a problem in teenagers - just younger children who might want it on all the time (I would have when I was a child!)

Hey custardo - i shared a room with my sister and when I was about 10 and her 13 we got a ... tv, only had 3 channels then, and a spectrum computer that you loaded with a tape recorder. I am still normal .. well relatively..I think. No permanent damage done

Re the fridge in bedrooms thing - a friend who is a teacher said a couple of years ago that this was the most popular thing to get for Christmas at his school - but that was secondary

See the problem I'm having with this thread is the assumption that "tv in bedroom"="unlimited tv". Do those of you who object to it have the same objection to a tv in a playroom? We don't have a playroom -the main tv is the living room and sometimes I like that space to be child-free.

DD is very strong-willed and she does like watching telly but despite all the things that she finds to argue with me about, tv is rarely one of them. If DH or I feel they've had enough it goes off. End of story.

See the problem I'm having with this thread is the assumption that "tv in bedroom"="unlimited tv". Do those of you who object to it have the same objection to a tv in a playroom? We don't have a playroom -the main tv is the living room and sometimes I like that space to be child-free.

DD is very strong-willed and she does like watching telly but despite all the things that she finds to argue with me about, tv is rarely one of them. If DH or I feel they've had enough it goes off. End of story.

i do not think tv in room = bad parent.
I just dont like it - boys like screens too much imo

Sugarmagnolia you are right. My dd does not have a tv in her bedroom because she is terrible at playing on her own. Will do many varied activities with other people but on her own we can just about now get her to draw or read. So for now no tv in bedroom because she would want it on all the time - but in the future?? No hard or fast rules. Whatevers right for a particular child at a particular time.

It's great when those who allow TVs in their children's bedroom set ground rules, or switch it off when they feel child has had enough. It's the parents who think it's fine to let child sit in bedroom watching tv without any limits I'm opposed to.

My DD has a friend who's a boy. He is also 8 and from the age of 5 has had a TV, Video, CD player and playstation in his room. He has unlimited use of all these things and his bedtime is 10.30pm. He is barely able to read, can only spell words such as 'to, in, of' etc. and his writing is almost illegible. He play-fights all the time and that is the only sort of game he will play at school. His mother often despairs and wonders why he is this way. It isn't my place to tell her, but this is the kind of parenting that is crap.

No to televisions in rooms when young, but I don't see the problem when they are older.

Surely it depends on the child?

sorry .. hit this thread before caffeine this morning

with normal head on .. I think it depends on age of 'child' .. a teenager who can get a part-time job and buy their own fair enough .. a pre-pubescent? it just doesn't sit right with me ..

Bozza .. nope .. no tv in 'playroom' .. yet ... am still arguing that one with DH

Agree with OO.

I wouldn't have TV in their rooms when they're young either - I want them to learn how to take turns, negotiate when one of them wants to watch CBeebies and the other wants to watch Basil Brush. The TV is a good place to learn how to bargain give and take and make deals imo. ("If I let you watch Cbeebies now, you have to let me play my LOTR game after dinner")

But when they're older, what's wrong with it? I suppose it may encourage the "teenager alone in room, cut off from rest of family, not engaging with family life" phenomenon, but tbh I think books, radio and other stuff will probably do that just as effectively - I think that's just what teenagers do isn't it?

Well, I'm off to have lunch and watch some telly....(not in DD's room, the reception is rubbish!)

We put our telly into storage when we de-cluttered the house to sell it. The kids can watch a DVD at the weekend on the family PC. They don't miss telly - they just keep busy playing, reading or whatever. Means that they communicate too (sometimes by shouting... of course!)

I bought my two (aged 2 and 4!) a mini-fridge as one of their Christmas presents. The idea is that I put snacks (cucumber, apple, carrot, grapes, cheese etc) and drinks (diluted fruit juice in snazzy sports bottles) in there. They know that they are allowed to go to their fridge and get a snack/drink as long as it isn't just before a meal time. They take a plate from the top of it, put whatever they want to eat on it, then take it to their table, eat it, and put the plate in the sink. They are completely enchanted with the idea and have behaved impeccably, even the 2yo - they don't snatch all the food out in the first five minutes as I thought they might, they take a little bit and eat it at the table. They don't bother me for snacks when we are out so much because I can say "when we get home you can have a look in your fridge and choose something.".

If this makes me a crap parent, then fuck you. Frankly.

It's not in their room, it's in the kitchen next to our fridge - I'm not sure how that influences its crapness.

Well there you go Greensleeves, now I'm ashamed of myself.

I was trying so hard to explain that having a tv in the bedroom doesn't necessarily mean the child watches unlimited amounts and has no other skills/interests/activities. And yet I still found the idea of a child having a fridge shocking. But you've just shown again how it all depends on the children and the parents and how the thing is used. I think that sounds really clever and innovative!

I agree - well done Greensleeves - it's a really fab idea

Apologies for the bad language