How often do your kids tell you they hate you ...

[oxocube]

and that you are the worst mother in the world? Cause I've had this twice in the past couple of weeks from both my 9 yr old dd and tonight from my 5 yr old ds when I asked him to put back all the seat cushions from the sofas which he had taken off and was jumping on on the floor!

Never.. I dont let them. They have NEVER said it.

Never.

never.

Have they heard it somewhere else?

Lord knows where they have heard it and 2 minutes later, (both times) all was calm and forgotten by the kids but not by me. I am actually a v nice mum and my relationship with my 3 kids is usually great and very close but often quite emotional.

Ds says it at least once a month (he's 9 too). It's only a matter of time before 3yo dd picks it up but atm she says "I'M NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND ANYMORE!" I calmly reply 'well, I love you' and don't react, it never lasts long.

dd2 said it a couple of times to me when she was about 5ish. In an experimental sort of way (I told myself). She's actually a big sap.

misspink, how exactly do you 'not let them'? Have you given them severe warnings against saying such things?

when dd1 was about 4 she said it for a couple of weeks now and then. I just said 'well I love you' and ignored it. she soon stopped when she saw that it didn't shock me

www, you are right about the not reacting bit - thats what I need to work on. I try to play it down like you say and say 'well thats a shame because I love you a lot' but it still hurts

Actually, I'm relieved I'm not the only one! Misspinkcat, how do you do that?

I have had the 'I'm not your friend anymore'. My response is usually 'oh' and thats all he gets out of me. I just walk away from it.
It's the reaction that they are after.

My kids are always telling me they hate me! (To be fair, I hate them too sometimes!!)

Everytime I tell them off, or they don't get their way!

how old are they pianist?

Oh, so this is just normal then?

Yep

They're 10 and 7.

I do think not reacting is the thing to do calif! And I also think it's normal, they're testing to see if they get a reaction.

Oxo, not calif, sorry!

Whatever bad behaviour your children exhibit, there will always be people who confidently tell you that they just wouldn't tolerate it from their children. Guaranteed to make you feel even worse than you did in the first place. Yes, I'm sure it's normal. Of course, my children don't ACTUALLY hate me, we all know that.

Oxocube, I think thats quite normal. My DS is 9. He is quite an emotional, highly strung type and has told me he hates me a few times. However, he only says it in the spare of the moment for example when I've sent him to his room for not doing as he's told and he thinks its all so unfair! Once he's calmed down then he usually says something like 'Actually Mummy I don't hate you!'. He regularly tells me he loves me too

Haven't had this one yet. It's just an expression they've picked up in the school playing ground I expect. Dd used to invite me to her birthday party if I was good, then 5 minutes later she'd say she wasn't inviting me to her birthday when I told her it was bedtime. Other dp told me the same thing so it was obviously the way the kids dealt with each other at kindergarten.

Nowadays I get "Mummy, I'll tell you one more time, then I'll start getting annoyed" (in a direct copy of my voice)!

Think the "hate" bit doesn't mean anything else really. It's not really hate as such, frustration and annoyance and anger rolled into one probably.

I remember saying it to my parents when I was a child, along with "I wish X's mum was my mum - she's much nicer than you!"
Think they definitely do it for a reaction, & like WWW says, best just ignore. They will be telling you they love you again within minutes!

Mine have never said it either (they are 9 and 8).

We don't use the word hate though really in any context.

Ds1 (9) has only said it once - about a year ago I think. I was sending him to his room for something (fighting with his brother, probably) and he stormed off and yelled "I hate you!" over his shoulder. I just ignored him.

He was racked with guilt, poor kid. Wept and wept about how he didn't mean it...came down from bed that night about three times to tell me how sorry he was...kept hugging me the next day...

I always had a highly developed guilt complex as child and I think he may have inherited it

Now ds2 is another matter...I've had "I not like you!" and "you not my friend nenny more!" since he could string a sentence together...I'm sure "I hate you!" is coming.