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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

How often do your kids tell you they hate you ...

34 replies

oxocube · 09/01/2007 19:05

and that you are the worst mother in the world? Cause I've had this twice in the past couple of weeks from both my 9 yr old dd and tonight from my 5 yr old ds when I asked him to put back all the seat cushions from the sofas which he had taken off and was jumping on on the floor!

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LucyLouise · 09/01/2007 20:22

DD1 (3.11) has told me she doesn't like me a few times. I ignore it. I think she picks these things up at nursery.
Same with the 'F' word (have no idea where she picked this up) which she tests me with to get a reaction. She got a big reaction from m-i-l once.
Have caught her inciting DD2 (2.7) to use the same word. I just divert their attention elsewhere or ignore it.
She has no idea or understanding of what she's saying, just that it can provoke a reaction. With my two it's best ignored and it will go away.

Pinkchampagne · 09/01/2007 20:06

My mum used to react a bit like that too, mellowma!

mellowma · 09/01/2007 20:04

Message withdrawn

Pinkchampagne · 09/01/2007 20:04

They pick it up from their peers & know it is a word that is sure to get to their parents. Just remember, they don't mean it & are saying it for a reaction because they are cross. They love you really!

oxocube · 09/01/2007 20:04

Although all my kids hate brocolli with a passion. They still have to eat it, but this is the one thing I allow them to 'hate'

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misspinkcat · 09/01/2007 20:02

Martha aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

oxocube · 09/01/2007 20:01

Misspinkcat, the word 'hate' is a big taboo in my home too. If dd(9) or ds (11) ever say 'I hate ...' I always pull them up on it and say that hate is such a strong and powerful word and that they can say they don't like something but hate is a word I don't want to hear.

Didn't stop dd hating me though

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QueenBodicea · 09/01/2007 19:59

No we don't use the word 'hate' in this house either but by the age of 9 they tend to have heard words from other people than just their parents!

oxocube · 09/01/2007 19:56

thanks everyone! It doesn't help at the moment that DH is working on the other side of the world, and although I am much closer to the kids than he is, he is the one they listen to regarding discipline. If I think about it rationally, I know that my kids love me but they certainly know which buttons to press!

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marthamoo · 09/01/2007 19:55

Ds1 (9) has only said it once - about a year ago I think. I was sending him to his room for something (fighting with his brother, probably) and he stormed off and yelled "I hate you!" over his shoulder. I just ignored him.

He was racked with guilt, poor kid. Wept and wept about how he didn't mean it...came down from bed that night about three times to tell me how sorry he was...kept hugging me the next day...

I always had a highly developed guilt complex as child and I think he may have inherited it

Now ds2 is another matter...I've had "I not like you!" and "you not my friend nenny more!" since he could string a sentence together...I'm sure "I hate you!" is coming.

misspinkcat · 09/01/2007 19:54

We don't use the word hate though really in any context.

Miaou · 09/01/2007 19:53

Mine have never said it either (they are 9 and 8).

Pinkchampagne · 09/01/2007 19:50

I remember saying it to my parents when I was a child, along with "I wish X's mum was my mum - she's much nicer than you!"
Think they definitely do it for a reaction, & like WWW says, best just ignore. They will be telling you they love you again within minutes!

SSShakeTheChi · 09/01/2007 19:50

Haven't had this one yet. It's just an expression they've picked up in the school playing ground I expect. Dd used to invite me to her birthday party if I was good, then 5 minutes later she'd say she wasn't inviting me to her birthday when I told her it was bedtime. Other dp told me the same thing so it was obviously the way the kids dealt with each other at kindergarten.

Nowadays I get "Mummy, I'll tell you one more time, then I'll start getting annoyed" (in a direct copy of my voice)!

Think the "hate" bit doesn't mean anything else really. It's not really hate as such, frustration and annoyance and anger rolled into one probably.

QueenBodicea · 09/01/2007 19:49

Oxocube, I think thats quite normal. My DS is 9. He is quite an emotional, highly strung type and has told me he hates me a few times. However, he only says it in the spare of the moment for example when I've sent him to his room for not doing as he's told and he thinks its all so unfair! Once he's calmed down then he usually says something like 'Actually Mummy I don't hate you!'. He regularly tells me he loves me too

pianist · 09/01/2007 19:48

Whatever bad behaviour your children exhibit, there will always be people who confidently tell you that they just wouldn't tolerate it from their children. Guaranteed to make you feel even worse than you did in the first place. Yes, I'm sure it's normal. Of course, my children don't ACTUALLY hate me, we all know that.

WideWebWitch · 09/01/2007 19:45

Oxo, not calif, sorry!

WideWebWitch · 09/01/2007 19:45

I do think not reacting is the thing to do calif! And I also think it's normal, they're testing to see if they get a reaction.

pianist · 09/01/2007 19:44

They're 10 and 7.

CrocodileKate · 09/01/2007 19:43

Yep

oxocube · 09/01/2007 19:41

Oh, so this is just normal then?

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oxocube · 09/01/2007 19:40

how old are they pianist?

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Pinkchampagne · 09/01/2007 19:40

Everytime I tell them off, or they don't get their way!

pianist · 09/01/2007 19:38

My kids are always telling me they hate me! (To be fair, I hate them too sometimes!!)

CrocodileKate · 09/01/2007 19:36

I have had the 'I'm not your friend anymore'. My response is usually 'oh' and thats all he gets out of me. I just walk away from it.
It's the reaction that they are after.

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