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Parenting

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Original poster

How old were your children when you first left them for more than one night?

24 replies

Luc28 · 14/04/2016 21:27

DH and I really want to go away for my milestone birthday in December.... youngest dd will be 10 months by then. We have found a great deal for 3 nights away but need to book now or could go.up massively because of the time of year ... How old is acceptable to leave dc for 3 nights with grandparents. Is dd to young... 3 nights to long or am I worrying about nothing. What we're your experiences?

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Thisismyfirsttime · 14/04/2016 21:29

Well, how long is a piece of string? It'll be different for everyone. Are you comfortable with leaving them? That's all that matters really!

Thisismyfirsttime · 14/04/2016 21:30

And whether gp's/ kids are ok with it of course!

DurhamDurham · 14/04/2016 21:33

I left my oldest daughter with grandparents for five days when she was a year and we left her and our youngest with grandparents when she was four and her sister was five months for a whole week. We missed them loads but had a fab holiday and my mum loved the chance to have them for an extended time.

We went away for at least a long weekend without them every year, we also had brilliant family holidays.

Our oldest is now 22 and our youngest is 18, I'm pleased to report no lasting damage to report, they just remember all the lovely time they spent with family

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Mrscog · 14/04/2016 21:39

It completely depends on how you feel and how the kids are - my just about to turn 1 year old is still breastfeeding 10 times a day (!!!!) so there's no way I could go away, where as his brother was almost completely weaned and guzzling formula from a tommy tippee at 1 so I could have left him easily.

Hoping to go away for 2 nights next year when they're 2 and 5. if ds2 ever actually eats solid food

TeaBelle · 14/04/2016 21:42

I couldn't leave dd unless I could get back to her under my own steam if she needed me eg in a car, not needing a plane /ferry, and I will carry this on until at least school. But that's just me - dh had to go.on a business trip in China when dd was less than a week old and I spent ages working out the length of a return trip if we needed him, so I think it may have left me with a hang up!

Writerwannabe83 · 14/04/2016 22:16

My DS has just turned two and sometimes I am away from him overnight for work (maybe twice a month) and I really struggle with that

I was first away from him overnight when he was about 13 months, and even then he was with his dad, but I still cried loads

He's never been away from home overnight yet and he's never had a sleepover at a relatives house either. My DH has been going on at me for ages about letting DS stay somewhere else overnight but I can't face it yet

I think that if it feels right for you then you should definitely go and have a lovely time. Three days alone with your DH will be fantastic and I bet your kids will love being spoilt by their grandparents

ShowOfHands · 14/04/2016 22:19

Not until primary age.

It's a personal decision.

originalusernamefail · 14/04/2016 22:24

I have been away from DS for 5-7 nights every month since he was 10 months as I'm a nurse and contracted to that many nights. His dad was at home though. We were both away from him for 4 nights when he was 2.3 and his brother was born. He always loves staying with my DP - doubt he notices I'm gone tbh!

eurochick · 14/04/2016 22:35

I was away for about 5 days with work when my daughter was around 7 months but she was with her dad. Tbh I don't think I would enjoy being away from her for pleasure even now (she's 21 months). I miss her loads when I'm away for work. But everyone is different. If you think you'd enjoy it go for it!

cornishglos · 14/04/2016 22:46

I had to work abroad when ds was 18months but he was at home with his dad. Apart from that never (2.5 years now). And he's never spent a night away from both of us. But then I have friends who have left their son with grandparents to go on lots of holidays, the first time when he was 12 weeks.

DustyBustle · 14/04/2016 22:49

Mine are 11 and 9, - never been apart from them for more than one night. Yup - long as a piece of string, innit.

oleoleoleole · 14/04/2016 22:56

I don't get the whole leaving them overnight worry. Rationalise it. You'd be leaving child/ren with a close relative/friend. They'll sleep,for 10-12 hours of the night.

Some people go back to work when DC is 6 weeks old,and leave DC in nursery or other daycare with a load of relative strangers for several hours a day.

Please enjoy being a person as well as a parent, have the time away and enjoy your birthday. You deserve it x

ssd · 14/04/2016 22:58

never had babysitters so had to wait it out

left him 2 nights, couldnt do any more

uhoh2016 · 14/04/2016 23:14

I left ds3 at 8 weeks old for 3 nights with grandparents, it was something that had been arranged since before I was pregnant, he knew no different, he was well looked after and gp loved spending time with him. Your dc will never ever remember this and is unlikely to be scarred for life go and enjoy yourselves who knows when you'll get the opportunity again

MrsA2 · 15/04/2016 07:26

It's so personal isn't it. Ive had to have some nights away with work but my husband has always been at home with our DD. At 20 months no one else has ever had her overnight. We have a wedding to go to this summer which isn't allowing kids so I'm planning on my parents coming with us too and us all staying in a cottage so we are there overnight and potentially can pop out to do the bedtime routine part too. I know other people who do two holidays a year without their children (from 6 months old). We are all so different.

ShowOfHands · 15/04/2016 09:44

I don't get the whole leaving them overnight worry. Rationalise it. You'd be leaving child/ren with a close relative/friend. They'll sleep,for 10-12 hours of the night

You don't "get" that other people feel differently? Or that some children don't sleep well? Or have separation anxiety? Or some parents simply don't want to do it?

I'd never comment the other way; imply that I don't get how parents can swan off and leave their babies overnight. Because it's a loaded and unfair statement.

And can I stress that plenty of people manage to retain a sense of identity without obligatory multiple nights away and enjoy their lives adeauately too.

I know you perhaps didn't mean it in the disparaging way it read. We're all just different right? No need to "get" the alternative at all or question it.

UptownFunk00 · 15/04/2016 09:52

4 months for one night.

9 months for 2.

10 months for 3.

First more than 3 days was a year ago so when she'd just turned 2.

She's very close with my parents though.

DD2 is only 8 weeks and EBF so no chan e for foreseeable!

I missed DD1 lots but knew parents would look after her well and I could do with a bit of time with DP.

uhoh2016 · 15/04/2016 09:59

In with ole I don't "get" it either I think it's a good thing that your child can spend a night without you happy and safe enough in the knowledge that you'll be back again the day after. My dc love to sleep at at their Grandparents and regularly do. I've got 3 dc and sometimes 1 will sleep out on there own to get some space from the other 2 and get some spoilt 1-1 time off grandparents.
There's no medal at the end of it for never spending a night away from your child.
I really don't understand why people make a big deal out of children sleeping over at grandparents house from being little it's not like they've never looked after a child before is it, I mean what do you think is going to happen?
show who are you referring to as having separation anxiety the mum or the child? Either way I think it's a dis service to your child to have them think they can't survive a night without you or you a night without them

RaaRaaTheLion · 15/04/2016 10:03

A little different as DD's dad and I are separated and she stays with him every other weekend but she stayed with him for 4 nights a few weeks back while I went away on holiday - she's 16 months.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 15/04/2016 10:56

Perfectly acceptable but I'd suggest starting with the odd night here and there from around the 7 month mark.

10 months = peak clinginess phase and often teething so it's a good plan if everyone has a bit of practice / trust built up.

It might also be easier for the GPs to stay at yours depending on how mobile your child is by then. You should be ok by then though. Bit of rolling only if you are lucky

magratsflyawayhair · 15/04/2016 11:00

Mine was 2 and almost a half when we went to an abroad wedding. She found it hard and my mum found it hard looking after her. I was ok leaving her but with hindsight I'd have done a night less. It depends on your child, who can look after them, etc etc

ShowOfHands · 15/04/2016 11:00

Wouldn't it be nice if people could just accept that people do things differently. Passive aggressive digs about medals or doing your child a disservice are unkind. At no point has anybody said leaving the dc is wrong or that bonds with grandparents aren't fab or childfree is time isn't super. Just that sometimes it's different for different people. Why do you have to denigrate the decisions of others to champion your own?

Yes I was referring to children or babies having separation anxiety. DD never had it but DS would shake and vomit if he couldn't see or hear me. Nothing to do with medals or my anxieties. I left him when I needed to and would come back to a sweating, screaming, terrified baby. Inflicting that on him or his grandparents overnight to adhere to the best practice laid down by a different family with different needs would be cruel.

I'm not sure you need to get it. If you can't appreciate that not everybody's the same, I can't explain it.

FWIW, both of my dc sleepover at grandparents' regularly. One of them is off to Paris with her grandma in the summer. I just did it when they were ready.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 15/04/2016 13:46

I just did it when they were ready

^^ This. The grandparents might need to be ready too though. 3 nights and days is a lot of time with a small child when you are not used to it.

ssd · 16/04/2016 23:44

the grandparents need to be alive too

a lot of us dont have this

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