Guilty and Anxious

[Whereisme]

I am off with my 3 boys this week (8 and 6 year old twins). Was out for the whole day yesterday with them with their friends and got a day out planned on Thursday with their cousins. However I have no other activities planned (apart from swimming lessons this afternoon). This is making me feel really guilty as I feel I should be doing something exciting with them every day. I have absolutely no idea what to do with them today and am feeling really anxious (suffer from mild depression and anxiety and on antidepressants for this). I try not not to look on Facebook as I know this will be filled with my friends doing exciting things. Just feel that I'm letting my boys down.

I'm off with my DC for three days this week (I'm working for the other two so they're with grandparents one day and at an activity camp the other day).

Of the three days, we're meeting friends one day, doing boring stuff like school shoes and dentist one day, and have absolutely nothing planned for the third day.

I think your week sounds fine. They need to spend time chilling out too.

Erm, what?! I always plan for at least half our days to be lazy quiet days. Kids need down time as well as exciting time. Sounds like you're having a blast with your boys-try to live in the moment and really feel and cherish those hugs or time spent together on the quieter days.

I would try and get outside with them every day to burn off energy-to park or walk.

Thank you for your replies. The funny thing is that I would give your advice to my friends, but can't seem to apply it to myself. I think I just don't feel good enough as a parent. I am aware of how self absorbed my post is which is partly why I am posting on here rather than talking to my friends.

I sooo know what you mean. Most people I know just flaunt their multitude of activities. I used to try to keep up, and even used to put myself in a position I really wasn't comfortable with just because I felt that's what I was supposed to do. I have since realised that my kids and I prefer chilling at home and that not putting the pressure on myself to be busy and see the latest film or go theme parking every day has taken the weight off my shoulders. I ask my kids now what they want to do and mix it into the down time we all need. What do I care what others think? And I took Facebook off my phone so I am not looking at it to feel inferior. Facebook isn't real and it isn't my go-to for parenting and personal confidence!

I feel the same way as you in the sense that I feel like I'm not a good enough parent. When I have time FF with them I try to plan one small thing each day. Things like going to the museum, a walk in the park, playground, something like that. My kids are only 5 and 3 though so different age group.

I think you shouldn't compare yourself to your friends. Do whatever works for you. You don't have to be super mom. Just be yourself and trust me, your kids are probably just happy that they have time off from school and are spending it with you.

Don't forget that people are not going to post on Facebook 'we just pottered about today' so your view of what people are doing is going to be distorted if you base it on that. If I bumped into someone who asked me what we've been up to I would mention our trip to the city yesterday but not our quiet day today where we just pottered up the road to the playpark for a bit. So even chatting to your friends will be misleading you if you are already worried you're not doing enough and are looking out for other people's activities.

I'd say a walk to the park is enough if it's a nice day but other than that there's nothing wrong with a lazy PJ and tv day

best thing you can do for your kids is be having conversations with them. This can be in the living room, in the park, at the bus stop, on a flight to South America or whilst having tea at Buckingham palace. Expensive and planned activities are nice, but in the right balance, and they are not essential.

And, not sure how you've got to 8 years after a birth and not realised that guilty and anxious is your default position until they are all 50!