At what age does it become 'easier' with kids?

[VoluptuaGoodshag]

You're all going to say it doesn't aren't you . But with DD aged 3 and DS aged almost 2, I'm just fed up having to fend for other people. Yes I know they are my kids and they can't help it but I'm bored and cranky. They've had colds for what seems like weeks. Weather been wretched. Hardly been out but TBH it's easier to stay in and have everything to hand as I just seem to get in a flap if I go anywhere with them.
I look a mess, permanently covered in bits of them, I'm tired all the time, hugely resentful of DH for not having to deal with my day etc. etc.
Oh for when they can dress themselves and put on their seatbelts and follow instructions to the letter.

Ah jaja, remember those nights up with my twins. But I still found the 3 under 4 with the first 3 children the hardest for lack of sleep. You catch more infections too. Cuddles.. it's interesting that my oldest love the 8 year olds cuddling them and they are always cuddling them. Daughter 1 will say "full body hug" and the twin will go over and give it to her. Not sure my teenagers at certain stages have really liked their parents hugging them, though. I think you have to know what is normal with teenagers (as with babies) and not expect too much. Good book by someone called Gilchrist on teenagers.

my teenager - 13 nearly 14 yo dd.

was she taking drugs? was she drinking cider?

no, this friday eve. she went with a friend to a community hall for to learn latin dancing.

I've 10 teenage boys in my kitchen drinking cider at the moment actually. I wish they were in a church hall learning dancing but it's better they're here than somewhere unsafe.I'll need my ear plugs tonight in bed.

I have 3 older children 16 14 qnd 12
and 2 younger ones 4 and 2
I really appreciate the time I have with my little ones now as I know how quickly it goes and realise (although chilled most of the time) how much wasted time there is worrying about things we have no control over!!
Every day is special, every phase is wonderful and every child is an individual.
ENJOY it

me too auntymandy - the babies are worshipped in a way i never did with my lovely bigs!

when they leave home

TBH I think you are not far off where it gets easier. Mine are nearly 6 and 3 in May and I think it is easier. Both children pretty much sleep through - DD has the occasional nightmare or looses her covers but takes seconds to sort out. And neither gets up before 7. TBH though I am quite lucky - DD potty trained at just 2 and quickly became reliable. It is fantastic to be able to just get in the car and go. She can drink out of an open cup, so basically we need nothing with us except occasionally a very basic maclaren buggy if we are going to be walking long distances.

On the down side DD is very clingy and is miles away from the concept of "in a minute, I'm having a dump". She will probably still be coming into the bathroom with me when she is 15 at this rate. On the up side I am working on teaching DS to get her up on a weekend morning.

I must admit that IF I ever have any more, I will probably work more and put them into childcare from an earlier age

I am just too SHOUTY and STRESSY as a SAHM. I LOVE being in the office.

I haven't read the thread but I mostly find mine easy atm. They're 9 and 3. I work ft oth though!

Oh god, now I've read the op, blimey, it must be KNACKERING with 2 and 3 yo and being a sahm. So I reckon when one's 4 and the other's 3 it'll get easier for you Volupta, so only a year to go! Ikwym about being covered in crap all the time, it's very wearing.

when they leave home

slightly

Ours are 3 (DD) and 5 (DS) and we were just commenting over Christmas how massively easier it has all become. Suddenly you stop having to watch out for everything every minute of the day, physically wrangle them into and out of things and do everything for them. Mine can put their coats and shoes on, get mats and cutlery out and make their beds (which they do about..ooh..23% of the time). They both are very reliably toilet trained and largely sleep through the night (odd nightmare or cough). They can also be told it is too early to get up, and will play either alone or together for short periods. They are also old enough to be told off and understand why they are being told off (well, the 5 year old is - he actually now understands the concept of good behaviour, which is a big step forward to actually getting it).

All of those little things mean that you have a few extra minutes in a day to read a newspaper, do a few chores that could previously only be done when they were not around and just the whole daily life gets a lot easier and more relaxed. I don't get to 7pm at the weekends (work FT) shattered and desparate for a glass of wine so much these days.

I chuffing loathe that "Wheels on a Bus" talking-in-a-bright-informative-Mummy-voice phase and am delighted to be coming out the other side of it. Plus DS is turning into really good company and some of the things he enjoys doing are actually enjoyable - he is enraptured by "Blue Planet" at the moment and his before bed treat is 20 minutes snuggled up on the sofa watching it with me or DH - so-o-o-o much better than sodding Thomas the Tank Engine.

Xenia you say "Can;t we just accept fathers and mothers make choices as to whether or not they work and not criticise them when they do?"

So this wasn't criticism then?

" think its really sad all these mums saying they are such appendages of their men and desirous of being possessions and not contributing to society in an economic way, subserivien etc so desperate to be away from the normal world of work that they think the artificial set up of staying home with under 5s when women all round the world have always worked and still do in most places

What a waste, of being an adult, of going to school, university, being in the real world,... "

Rather than a particular age, I think it's more to do with key tasks they can perform without supervision. Mine would be things like, making own drinks up, dressing themselves appropriately, getting own yogurts out of fridge etc. Then next stage would be things like getting showered/bathed, including hair washing with no parental help, and then the lovely day dawns when they actually do the cooking... I'm there

DD has just brought me a yummy bacon sandwich - no-one cooks bacon like my DD.
On the other hand, she is actually supposed to be revising for her As modules....
I think the thing with the teenage years is that a lot of the time you can't really do anything about their problems, which can be very frustrating.

Xenia I was digging what you were saying until this - " so desperate to be away from the normal world of work that they think the artificial set up of staying home with under 5s when women all round the world have always worked and still do in most places" , were are you talking abut BTW , London , England , western world , third world? What is normal anyway , is working in an office NORMAL ? Whats artifical about staying at home ? I dont quite get that either surely other countries many mothers work & many mothers stay at home??? It seems quite a sweeping statement . Im not arguing either way here as I spend a lot of time thinking of what to do re staying at home or working, just trying to harness what you are saying.

Ill be back shortly as going to get my dd2 5mths from her nap , but would like to join in this discussion as I so could have written VGS post this morning.

Never!!!!!

My 4 are 15, 11, 2.5 and 24 weeks.

My 15 and 11 year old ds's never wake me for a feed/toilet and are capable of doing their own lunch/tea etc.

However my 2.5 and 24 week old dd's are not away to Glasgow to a nightclub for 12 to 17 yr olds like ds1 who is staying with his friend overnight.

Tis truly terrifiying given what i got up to as a teen

As a SAHM I would normally say that mine were pretty easy but I've just spent an hour trying to get an incredibly easy piece of homework through my ds's 6 yr old head with my 4 yr old dd (who has just stopped afternoon sleeps) crying every 30 seconds on my shoulder because her almost 2 yr old d sister keeps slapping her round the head with a handbag (they're fighting over it) I would be delighted to skip out to paid employment at this very second....little delights.

Melsy/rusty - that comment if you look at the other person's post below was me taking her slightly emotive words perhaps against working mothers and me just doing the same thign back but then I said let' snot bother with that debate. I was just trying to mirror her stuff from the other way about. On working for a tiny period for rather rich or middle class women from about 1880 to 1950s and a bit even today for a few who are rich enough, women have stayed at home. But for the rest of the world and history surely women have worked haven't they? They dump the baby with the 5 year old and till the fields, lucky if the child lives to age 5 or before we had factories both parents worked at home or once there were factories... presumably that was hard in those days the children worked too, sadly. I just think it's a bit of a temporary aberration to think mother stays at home for 12 hours on her own not doing anythig economic for the family and that that's rather strange from a historial perspective and that may be why a lto of mothers find it very hard =- perhaps it is neither good for them nor their children but I did say I was trying to get off that point as it's been debated before.....

On teenagers... yes, not being able to solve a problem is hard. I suppose with babies who cry you can't find the resolution either a lot of the time. The 10 18/19 year olds were up to 3am and I think 5am some of them but it's rare and they're nice boys.

agalch, i take my hat off to anyone with 5 children, but surely your own take on things is due to the fact that you have so many placing different demands on you, not the age of the children in itself. if that makes sense.

i also think that 4 plus is easier. i have dds aged 4.75 and 2.5. i think that there is very little you cant do with a well behaved 4 yo in tow.

my measure of how hard/ easy things are, is to some extent determined by whether or not i can do a particular outing/ activity with them (eg day trip to london, go to a restaurant, make a cake, go on a plane) without getting totally stressed out at the thought of it.

anyone who says it doesnt get easier, imo, has forgotten the sheer physical effort of carrying a screaming toddler round the supermarket on 5 hours sleep.[ grin]

although, i do of course acknowledge the emotional demands of teenagers, at least with teenagers you can put your feet up and have a cuppa without having to get up and wipe someone's bum in the middle of it.

ok I get what you say Xenia, but Ive been to compounds in Indonesia and the mums & grandparents there spent their days cooking, praying, seeing to the children and the compound & thats a relatively mixed society with a degree of westernism in parts. Interesting subject when taken to the world rather than just full western societys. May be another thread is in order for that!!!

Good to know it will get easier around 4 yrs old , dd1 is 3.4 mths and already starting to go to the toilet alone to get things for me & for dd2 like nappies or wipes, but things go backawards for a while as dd2 will start crawling, walking etc !

Oh and I know , dont pick a scab and all that , but Xenia "not doing anything economic" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! , ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Yes it is hard being at home 12 hrs straight , no adult contact , no break from it, but it certainly isnt helped by comments and thoughts like that. Thats why the OP has posted. Dd2 is only 5mths old and Im up at any given hr during the night feeding. Are you saying that to get a qaulity life I am expected to then do a 12 hr day commuting and working in the office too???

melsy, that's how I see it and I don't know why so many women therefore choose to do it. Their husband's don't. They've more sense. 4 in 5 mothers of children under 5 work and presumbaly in about 1850 it would have been virtually all of them except then the better off ones even on fairly low incomes had a servant anyway to do the childcare. Don't know why women in 2006 have this view that they ought to be there if they don't enjoy it when we know children aren't damaged by fathers or grand parents or even a loving carer looking after them so if you hate it then just work instead. Never mind about all that... the thread was about ages.

I think some people do forget but I can still remember with a baby not even having had time to get to the toilet or easily get dressed.

So only a year to go then? DD will be at pre-school and DS will be at Playgroup and perhaps I'll get a minute to at least try to remember how to relax

To answer your question Xenia, my DH and I had similar jobs, both very demanding and requiring us to be in other places at short notice. On our combined salary, we could not have afforded a nanny, which was the only real solution to childcare in our circumstances. I, earning less than DH, gave up my (paid) work because it would have been even more stressful to juggle round childcare and work commitments. Also, I felt at the time, I was ready to give up work and try something different (ha!!!). I would say I'm definitely ready to move on but TBH I'm in no great desire to return to my line of work which neither inspired me nor paid particularly well. I hope to put my experience to other uses once the kids have moved on a bit.