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Original poster

How to deal With some snotty women in the park

76 replies

2012PP · 19/03/2016 21:08

I have a 3.9 yr old.

At the moment he thinks that saying poo-poo, bum and poo-face type things is extremely funny.

I tell him that it's not... Explain that it's not polite & that others don't like it and at times I ignore it.

Some of the adults we come into regular contact with do pretty much the same.

I've had three incidents recently where an unknown adult has reprimanded him for saying these silly things to their kids..

I am totally at a loss to know the best way to manage this!

I know I probably just need to get a grip, ignore etc... But today I came away from the park feeling very frustrated and cross and down about the whole thing.

He's not being aggressive or horrible. He's a 3.9 year old child playing.

I could really do with some sensible, practical suggestions - please?

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caravanista · 19/03/2016 21:34

It's really not a big deal. Most children do it and they grow out of it.

Elllicam · 19/03/2016 21:34

Sorry but I would also probably say something. My son is also 3 and if another child was calling him names he would be upset. I would probably just say something like that's not very kind. What have the other parents been saying?

Original poster

2012PP · 19/03/2016 21:35

Flogg... When I hear it I do... I tell him it's not acceptable, apologise to the other child..
However I don't stand over him all the time, as he's 3.9 now . so he makes his own little friends in the park, plays by himself or with others and most of the time he does this without incident.

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Buzzardbird · 19/03/2016 21:36

OP. I long for the days when 'wee wee, poo poo head' were the phrases that children come out with.

The fact that you care means you are a fantastic parent.

GeoffreysGoat · 19/03/2016 21:36

My 3y4mo tries this - we have friends whose kids are let away with it and others who are horrified their only is a few months younger, I'm watching them catch up and the parent's rising horror - I find a raised eyebrow and "Keep it polite, please, ds" is enough to both discourage and show other parents I'm attempting to deal with it. I'm not sure that'll still be enough in 5m when he's the age yours is but I don't see there's much more to be done except hit the wine roll my eyes and wait for it to pass

TinySombrero · 19/03/2016 21:37

He was not making his own little friends at the park though on these occasions. You need to be more proactive and show him how to interact.

SpecialSnowflake · 19/03/2016 21:38

Tbh I wouldn't have a problem with someone saying that to my DS.
However, during my eldest's poopoobumbumwilly phase I tended to say "You can say that at home DS but no one wants to hear it here".
Sometimes I'd ignore, but if there were other children around I'd be more cautious as other parents don't like having that 'fun' new habit introduced by someone else's kid, as you have discovered seeing as you say he picked it up at nursery!

Wolfiefan · 19/03/2016 21:38

You don't need to stand over him but you can't let him go his own way and say this stuff to other kids.
If you don't supervise closely you can't be stroppy when other parents do and choose to intervene.

curlywurly4 · 19/03/2016 21:39

DS is the same age and has been saying calling people poo poo and pooface. He's picked it up at nursery and while they are not the worse words in the world, to him, it's the equivalent of swearing. He uses it to offend and knows it's 'naughty'.

As much as I can find it amusing, i obviously never show him that and have a zero tolerant for it. We discuss how name calling is unkind and we mustn't do it and it's important to treat and address people nicely. Then repeat infinitum.

Avebury · 19/03/2016 21:40

Just stick closer to him for the time being so that you can step in first and tell him that's not acceptable and remove him.
I have no issue when I can see that other parents are on to their child's bad behaviour but if they are nowhere around or not doing/saying anything then yes I do step in and reprimand the child because I don't want to give a mixed message to my own children that other children can say things like that and get away with it whereas they will be in trouble for it.
Yes they all go through that phase but if you don't step up and deal with it now then you are going to have harder battles ahead.

Lurkedforever1 · 19/03/2016 21:42

yabu. Small dc and toilet humour amongst like minded friends in the right time and place is very different to going about in public calling random people names.

Original poster

2012PP · 19/03/2016 21:43

Thank you buzz...

I don't just allow him to call other children names....

I will however explain to him now that this is what it is and find strategies to try and stop it....

He was making his own friends and they were getting along fine... Perhaps some parents don't accept their children saying these things and others either do or ignore.

I do know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, it was just a rough day and it was the straw that broke the camels back.

I though I might get some suggestions on how to handle it and thanks to those of you who have taken the time to say. It is appreciated

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Original poster

2012PP · 19/03/2016 21:48

Thanks everyone.

I too would hate another child to call my ds names so I will be implementing some changes.

One of the ladies called him a horrible little boy... And he isn't!

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Floggingmolly · 19/03/2016 21:51

No, of course he isn't, that's over the top. Still needs to put a lid on it, though

TinySombrero · 19/03/2016 21:52

Ah no she shouldn't have said that.

I am sorry she was so rude!

Buzzardbird · 19/03/2016 21:54

No OP. he isn't, he thinks he is being hilarious. You just need to stick to the fact that it doesn't make any sense and other children might be upset by his gobbledogook.

Tell him some nice ways to address other children, like asking their names, age etc.

This, one day, will all be a memory.

Hope you have a lovely Sunday OP.

Ameliablue · 19/03/2016 21:55

Calling him a horrible little boy is an over reaction from the other woman.

Choceclair123 · 19/03/2016 21:56

That's awful calling your DS a horrible little boy, he's 3 fgs! She needs a slap!

callitdelta7 · 19/03/2016 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatamuckingfuddle · 19/03/2016 22:01

My dds are vile at the moment re massive overuse of the word poo. If a stranger told them they were horrible little girls I would be furious, that mother sounds awful, surely if she had her own child/ren she realises that's unacceptable? I might be calling her some not very pleasant words in my head as I'm British

Original poster

2012PP · 19/03/2016 22:01

That's a great idea about redirection buzz... I'm sure I can find lots of positive alternatives and work on those with him.

Avebury... I've been working really hard on giving him freedom and space, as I used to be too close all the time and was told I had to give him his space to let him grow.
pls can you let me know what you think is a good balance between keeping more of an eye on him yet still allowing him some space... I do not want to be a hoverer-parent,
How do I get this balance?

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Buzzardbird · 19/03/2016 22:02

Think your DD was right delta, though not all BMW drivers are cunts.

callitdelta7 · 19/03/2016 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Buzzardbird · 19/03/2016 22:07

I think the balance is letting him explore and discover but keeping a watchful eye and ear on what he is doing and saying and interacting when you think he is not behaving how you think he should.
You don't need to stand behind him or follow him but at that age you need to be able to see and hear what he is doing.

You are his most important teacher and you are doing him a great favour by caring so much.

Original poster

2012PP · 19/03/2016 22:07

Whatamuddle... Her daughter is 4.5 and pristine and is micro managed every second of the day... Our kids do a class together and seem to get along well in the class (parents are not allowed in so I can't hear what he does or doesn't say) , he talk positively about this girl and seem to get along ,

I was shocked and asked ds what he had said and then asked her if she needed to tell me something... She said no and walked away....

I have some great ideas from here and feel a bit better now.
Thanks Mumsnet.

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