WILL I EVER LIKE BEING A MUMMY?

[gingernutlover]

really thought by now i would enmjoy motherhood but i just still dont enjoy speniding time with dd 15m she is clingy demanding and i just feel so tired all, the time, please someone tyell me it gerts better, and when?????????

Yes. And then it gets worse again. And then better, worse, better worse...

I've mostly loved the 'baby' stage, but there are people who don't - who although they adore their children, of course, just don't 'do' babies as such.

I'm sorry you feel so tired. Are you gettng any help/support?

thanks for ther glimmer pf hope soupdragano

dh is supportiuv4r but sivck and tired opf my pnd, was diog 14m ago, just really thought things would be better by now

she will not let mre dop anbuything whichj involves us being seperate fopr more thasbn a few minutes and after 15m of this i fgeel like walking outr som,times

i do love her dearly but oh my god i just want top be ab;re tp dp sdimplre things likee -putting the washing on or making dinner

sorry, one handed typing

I honestly absolutely hated the baby stage .

I actually really like spending time with ds now (2 years old) but I did go back to work 3 days a week when he was 11 months old which was the turning point for me.

I think it takes a lot of getting used to for some people. If you are planning on being a SAHM for the forseeable future hopefully some of those will come along and give you some tips. Don't feel bad about it though (hard I know) you are doing a great job being there for her.

i do worfdv 3days a week during term time as am teachger am findimng holidays very very difficult

I work in a school too, & I am finding the holidays very, very difficult!

glad to know i am not the only one

what on earth am, I meant to do all day, days like today wish children were at school , feel very guilty saying that but tis true

I have to say working 3 days a week as a teacher and looking after your own child(ren) FT in the holidays sounds like an incredilby hard combination to me (though I know many do it and like it).

Are you taking AD's for the PND? I haven't taken them but I know a lot of posters on this site have taken them and found them really useful.

It does sound like you are suffering from a lack of having any space/time for yourself.

Could you arrange any sort of childcare (even if only the creche for a few hours while you go to the gym/have a sauna/swim etc)when you are at home in the holidays?

You do sound very unhappy - a lot like I did when I was home all the time with ds.

she has a place at nurserry but dh doesn't like me using it to "dump" her in the holidays

and am on ad's but just really wonder what if anything they are doing

i just feel i should enjoy the few days iu gety with her and honestly i dont, unless i have somthing arranged with a friend

Perhaps dh could look after her instead then. What a cheek !! Does your dh take your dd out at the weekend to give you any time at all to yourself?

Can you not put her in a creche at the local gym for an couple hours 1 or 2 a week- he won't know and it is often free if you use the facilities.

The other way to put it to him is to say that there is evidence that exercise helps depression (which there is) and you need to get some regular exercise. DD can then got to the nursery or the creche while you do this. Then use the time dd is in the creche/nursery to do what you like, exercise, have a coffee, have a sauna.

We are only talking 2-4 hours maximum a couple of times a week. It might just make all the difference to you.

I know exactly how you feel about just wanting to get simple things done occasionally. It is tough when you have a velcro baby and not much help. Ds is 20mo and things are slowly improving.

no chsnce of us swapping roles and the nursery is paid for in the hols, just feel forced into keeping her at home by dh really and cannot afford gym unfortunsaytly, anyway am sooooo faty it seems pointless

I do know what you mean about feeling gulity. Because I work I don't like to leave ds in childcare on my days off but if I was at home with him for a week or more (as in summer holidays etc) I would definitely use some sort of childcare (my childminder or a creche)for a part of that time. I might feel guilty but I would (and do) do it any way as I know the alternative for me is often a downward spiral of depression. I have found that I don't need much time to myself (maybe 1-2 hrs a couple of times a week) but I do need some and I ignore that at my peril.

partly my own fault tho cos i convince myself we can have a nice mummy and daughter d
ay together - mainly cow thasty would mAKE dh happy and then by 10 am i jusy want to hide in the nbearest ciupboiard

gingernutlover, I have a 19mo ds and work, technically full time while dh is a student and sahd, but I work from home a lot and am also in (higher) education so have long 'holidays' (with all the marking, preparation etc. that needs to be done...) I am truly grateful to be able to spend so much time with ds, but I don't feel able to just go off for an afternoon by myself when I am not working - I feel like all my time when not working should go to ds. The last time I had a few hours truly to myself (to go off and be me, not to do work etc.) was in August. I don't have PND to battle with and I am a 'baby'/'toddler' person, but I still find it incredibly wearing. Hats off to you for doing so well. Surely your dh must understand that if you get a bit of real time off now and again, you will be more refreshed for both your roles?

If nursery is paid for and her being there will make you happier, then use it at least a couple of times in the holidays, even if iys just to wander round town and have a cooffee for an hour.

i went away this weekend for a girlkie night and thought he might get the message after speding some "quality time" with dd himself but although she gave him a hadr time all weekend he still has been saying the same things about me "dumping" her at nursery and says he feels like I dont want her, which is not true, I really do, just find it hard to spend time alone with her

yes nursery is pauid for and yeah some time to myself would be good bbut how do I tell him, that i would rather wander round town and have a coffee thah lookafter our daughter

I am feeling just the same as you gingernutlover. Today is especially bad for some reason & I feel terrible.
I was just thinking (during a hellish visit into town) that I should be able to be a good calm mum, seen as I cope with children all day at work, but all mine have done is squabble & test my patience & I am not coping well.
My boys are 7 & 3 and I cope on my own a lot too.
Is there anyone who could give you a bit of a break?

He knows about your PND right? Tell him that he needs to read up on it and that way he might understand a little bit more about why these few hours would really help.

If he is not prepared to do this, then just tell him that until he is prepared to help you out with your illness, you will just have to help yourself (ie, take her anyway)

gingernutlover

This REALLY does not make you a bad mother. Many of us would rather wonder round town and have a coffee then spend 12 hours with a whinging unhappy toddler. You are merely saying that you would like a short break from your child on the weeks when you are looking after her all day. I think your dh is being completely unreasonable and I'm not surprised your pnd has lingered. I can't see how making you feel guilty for wanting a break occasionally is being very supportive.

he is just sick and tired of the PNd, "not that again" thinks i should be over that by now, and so do I