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Original poster

WILL I EVER LIKE BEING A MUMMY?

55 replies

gingernutlover · 21/12/2006 15:13

really thought by now i would enmjoy motherhood but i just still dont enjoy speniding time with dd 15m she is clingy demanding and i just feel so tired all, the time, please someone tyell me it gerts better, and when?????????

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fiiiivemadmarchhaaaares · 21/12/2006 15:59

x posted there, but yes, tell him that if you have to.

I imagine that most mothers/main carers would say that at some point they would have rather have been anywhere than be with their kids. Well, I know I have .

pinkchampagne · 21/12/2006 16:00

Time to yourself is important. Being a mother is a very demanding job & we all need a break from time to time.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 21/12/2006 16:00

when I say he is supportie I mean he oputs her to bed while I mak dinner some nights, even when he has been workiking and he did let me go anway with a friend

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Dottydotthehalls · 21/12/2006 16:01

I would rather wander around town and have a coffee pretty much any time! Love, love, love my children - but they're hard work...! Not much comfort to you at the moment, but the glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel is that I love it now ds1 is getting older - him turning 4 was brilliant! ds2 is a different kettle of fish and is entertaining at 2.8, but bloody hard work.

Soupy's right - it's never always great - lots of tiring, depressing bits in between and I'm with you in that I never seem to have got over the exhaustion of having a new born - would still kill to be in bed most of the time! Hang in there and try to get time out for yourself if you possible can, as often as possible.

LazycowLyinginaManger · 21/12/2006 16:01

Thens stop saying about pnd and say to him ' I am doing this for me, I appreciate that you don't like it but this what I have to do right now' and do it

LazycowLyinginaManger · 21/12/2006 16:04

putting her to bed some nights while you make dinner is called being a dad it is not called being supportive.

"allowing' you to go out with your friends is also not being supportive it is just part of bing in a relationship. He seems to want it both ways, for you to do almost all the childcare but for him to control how you do it. No wonder you are depressed

fiiiivemadmarchhaaaares · 21/12/2006 16:05

When did you last talk with your GP? By this I dont mean that you are 'at fault' here. You may benefit by trying a different AD.

Seriously though, would he do a bit of reading up? It did help my situation with my DH when I had to go back on ADs recently.

Dottydotthehalls · 21/12/2006 16:08

OK, just read this thread a bit more properly! You shouldn't feel like you're dumping her in nursery - that's bonkers. If there's a nursery available then use it! ds2 goes to nursery 2 days a week and dp is home. When she's got typing work of course she works, but a lot of the time she's just at home - (a) taking a well earned break from the kids and (b) sorting out the house, which is great because we don't have to do too much at the weekend. I appreciate that i've got the easy job, coming to work each day - it's much, much harder to be at home with the children!

Original poster
gingernutlover · 21/12/2006 16:08

dont think he wd rwad up
but will cjhat top gp in new year

rthankyou foer m,aking me feel a bit more normal

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Floatinginthemoonlitsky · 21/12/2006 16:37

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purpleturtle · 21/12/2006 16:46

What about pointing out a complete waste of money if you're paying for nursery sessions that you're not using?

Of course, I totally understand why you have to do that, but it seems mad to me to be paying out for care, and then not making any use of it at all. Your dd probably misses nursery in the holidays, and not taking her out for weeks at a time will probably result in her being (even) better settled when she's there.

Does your dh enjoy every aspect of his job, every single day? Probably not.

DeckthehallsLaDiDaDi · 21/12/2006 16:59

I think that purpleturtle makes an excellent point likening your role in looking after dd to your dh's job. I bet your dh gets a lunch break from his job and really you're not asking for more than that.

DeckthehallsLaDiDaDi · 21/12/2006 17:01

oh and I love my dd to bits I know that I would go mad if I wasn't going back to work in January. After 8 months off work I'm desperate for some more adult time and knowing that lo won't cry just because I've gone to the loo!

FennelHumbug · 21/12/2006 17:03

I went totally mad after just one day's holiday with my little darlings, that was yesterday, to day I rushed back to work wishing I had never had children.

it's normal. totally, scarily, normal, not to always enjoy one's children.

pinkchampagne · 21/12/2006 17:21

I have been feeling very much like that today, fennel! I feel so much better for reading this thread & realising I am not the only one!

Kaz33 · 21/12/2006 17:31

I found being a mum very difficult until the kids hit 2, then they become more fun, can do more and are "slightly" more rational.

Now they are 3 and 5 and DP came back from work early this afternoon to find me napping infront of the fire why the kids played on cbeebies on the computer. And, he's taken them off to buy fish and chips for dinner .

Thats just one day off school for DS1 and already I am totally beaten up.

poinsettydog · 21/12/2006 17:40

Very probably, yes!

I prefer kids when they're older and find it easier, much more fun. DOn't worry.

rhubarbcat · 21/12/2006 17:42

I loved the little baby stage, hated the toddler stage and once dd turned 4 loved being a mum again.

UCM · 21/12/2006 17:46

Haven't read whole thread, but I think I only started to really enjoy being a mum when ds turned 3. He is so much more fun to take out/show things/etc.

Liked first 6 months of baby stage, hated toddler stage.

FennelHumbug · 21/12/2006 17:47

I love the school term stage, between about 9 and 3 on school and pre-school days. I get quite fond of my children then.

Kittypickle · 21/12/2006 18:00

I find I enjoy it much much more when the get to around 3, I start to feel much more myself (compared with the slightly deranged person that I become until they get to 3)

If I were you I really would use that nursery place, especially as it's paid for. And if your DH is unsympathetic, tell him when he's prepared to look after her fulltime for a week, then he is in the position to complain about her going during the holidays. I have sat in the car in supermarkets rather than go home in the past, just to get a bit of peace and quiet.

SnowMuchToBits · 21/12/2006 18:10

I know exactly where you are coming from. I really hated the baby stage, and only really started enjoying ds after about 18 months, once he was talking and walking. And after about the age of three it got a load better again. He is now 6, and I love being a mummy now. I think the worst thing is that the most demanding, frustrating stage is also the stage where you don't get much time away from them (if like me you didn't go back to work, and have no family living near who can help out.) Once ds was older, he started going to playgroup etc, which gave me a bit of a break, as well as becoming more interesting and less demeanding himself. I was a very reluctant Mummy to start with, and can honestly say I was very unhappy for most of the first 18 months, but it has changed for me, as he has grown up.

BellaBea · 21/12/2006 19:20

The way I'd look at it is that it's the quality time that's important rather than time full stop, and you are just as likely / more likely even to be able to give dd quality time if you are rested and relaxed and can get jobs done quickly because you're not looking after children. My dd is in nursery, most of that time I'm working but sometimes I take days off without her, but then when she's home I make sure she gets lots of my attention (most of the time...) and I take her out of nursery for days/afternoons every so often. She seems okay, so I don't feel guilty about it.

I also think that 3, maybe even 2-2 1/2 is a good age, when you can start to interact and feel as though you're doing things together, although my dd is 4 and sometimes I'm looking at the clock at 2.30 in the afternoon counting the hours til bedtime...I love her to bits - some days are great and we have lots of fun, and some a struggle all day and all you can do is to get through them and hope the next day is better.

calebsmum · 21/12/2006 21:26

Liked the baby stage, but am finding the toddler stage very hard, actually dreading each day with him, non-stop tantrums ect.

Think everyone finds it difficult gingernutlover, you just have to remember your not alone.

TheChristmasArmadillo · 21/12/2006 21:33

I am enjoying ds a lot more since he hit 2. Its much better. But I still find it hard being at home all day with him for long periods. I'm a student and the summer holidays terrify me. From about easter onwards I start getting really freaked out. Last year was worse than ever, cos my family went away for a month, which clashed with part of time dp's family was on holiday and I usually go to see them when it gets too much.

ITs not that I don't adore him, and dp is great - he takes over as soon as he gets back from work until he leaves in teh morning.

I don't suffer from PND and don't have a demanding child, so god knows how others cope .

I do adore my ds, and love being a mum, but 24 hrs a day, for more than 3 days in a row and I want to scream. My mum admitted she felt the same when me and my sister were yound and once we got older it got better.

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