Desperately need a hand hold/advice with 3.3 year old

[milkyman]

I am 6 months pregnant, 40 years old and it was a 'surprise' pregnancy - have been very unsure and anxious about it as terrible birth, first few months last time.

We have just moved ds from cot to new room and bed. His bedtime routine was 30mins. It is now taking over an hour with early wakings and night wake ups. He has terrible tantrums in the day. He used to sleep 12 hours a night.

We are tempted to put him back in his small room, sleep bag and cot but he will soon grow out of it! I am dreading the second baby. Life had just got simple and back on track. Feeling so down.

What's happening at bed time and with the wake ups?

It is bath and stories and lots of reassurance. Wake ups we sit with him. He is v strong willed.

You have my sympathy. We moved DD1 (3 later this month) into her new room about 6 weeks before DD2 was due (decorating delays!). The first 2 weeks were dreadful in terms of both getting her to sleep and night wakings but she improved quite a lot after that. We tried to play in her room during the day so she became more comfortable and familiar with being in there, and allowed longer for the bedtime routine.

Honestly, I would persevere now as it will not get any easier as you become more heavily pregnant or when baby arrives. If we could have done it earlier, I would have, and there were definitely days I felt like giving up! Good luck

Another thought, could you let him choose some bedding/duvet cover etc so he is more excited about going to bed?

Thank you - think we will perserve - he was so excited the first night. Was thinking a star chart and bribery?

Sympathies here. I have a 3 year old and an imminent baby. DS went from a cot to a bed around his 3rd birthday (3 months ago) and bedtime has definitely become more prolonged and we are called upstairs before he gets himself to sleep much more frequently and he wakes in the night some/most nights where he consistently didn't before.

Don't have any real solutions (as it's still happening) but I think it's just a big change for toddlers who were content in their cots and they'll get there. Better now that have the cot to bed change and the new baby at exactly the same time.

The one thing that's helped us has been a Gro Clock for the early starts. He genuinely doesn't get out of bed until that sun comes up at 6.45am. Doesn't mean he doesn't yell for us to come in to him occasionally but we were getting 5.30am starts some days before and were going potty with that!

Seconding the Gro Clock as it works wonders here, and also the Gro-to-Bed bedding as it has a bit more of a secure feeling to it, more like a sleeping bag (although you could perhaps recreate this with a flat sheet wrapped around the mattress and over the top of normal bedding).

I'd agree that persevering with the bed is a good idea though - by the time the baby comes he won't identify the cot as 'his' and it won't therefore cause any jealousy. I expect the daytime tantrums are made worse by tiredness and will improve once the bedtime issues do (and they will, but it always feels like a lifetime when you're in the midst of it!).

Are there any alterations you could make in the new room to make it more like the old set-up and therefore familiar and comforting e.g. is the bed against the same wall, facing a window in the same way, same pictures in view etc.

Just to add, when mine have gone through stages of being really clingy in the night I also try and sit with them for reassurance but don't want to perpetuate the cycle either. I often do cuddles etc then when they're calm say I just need the toilet/to blow my nose but I will come back in a bit. It's never a problem to leave the room that way, whereas saying 'goodnight' or that I'm going back to bed is very unacceptable! I take a loooong time going to the toilet/nose blowing and they often go back to sleep without me needing to go back in .

Yes I think he is waking up wanting you to come and sit with him.
I would do a night night routine after the bath and make sure he falls asked on his own in bed and then goes back to sleep that way every wake up. So definitely go to him if he wakes but put him gently back in bed with no chat or cuddles and then leave the room.

Does he still nap during the day? If so, might be time to cut the nap and make sure he has a very physical afternoon playing (preferably outdoors!) so he is too knackered to get out of bed??