Grandparents think we're playing at parenting

[aidanmf]

Looking for a little advice on how to deal with a potentially messy situation...

My wife and I have a son less than 2 months old and we took a picture of him sitting in a chair (wife was just out of shot ready to catch him if he fell). It got back to my mother and she called up my wife to admonish her and then went on to say "I know you see him as a toy".

It may be me being oversensitive but we're both in our 30s, have built up reasonably decent careers (which we've put on hold for our son) and manage to run a household on our own as we're both some distance from our families. All throughout the pregnancy, my mum acted as if we were doing this as a joke.

Should I let it go? I know she's not malicious but to my recollection she's never apologised either and this is extremely hurtful to me and the wife. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!

I'd be so cross if my MIL called me to criticise anything - particularly to do with a fun picture that had been taken of my child, that wasn't even sent to her. I'd either have told her myself that I didn't find that acceptable, or I'd be expecting you to do it fairly soon!

Chair picture fine, but you need to say something to your mother not to speak to your wife like that. Your wife needs to know you will stand up for her no matter what and you are a team.

Conversation was had. I accepted how the photo looked to an outsider and she apologised for the toy comment and promised to apologise to my wife as well. Appreciate all the comments and support on this.

Sounds like a very positive outcome - well done!

Glad you got it sorted without any problems. I lots of people especially grannies go a little nuts when new grandchildren come along. It's nice if everyone can cut each other a little slack.

sounds like my mil. Thinks we're playing at being grown ups (own house-jobs etc) then have ds and I am criticised about everyyyyyyything. Didn't help that when bathing my 1yr old son I spelt out s&&t and f&&k with the foam bath letters for a cheeky photo ha. My son was oblivious to the words behind him and posed for a picture for daddy. Oops bad mummy

Your child is NOT a toy. Cop on.

She should have come to you not your dw. Is this your dm's first dgc?

My MIL was a nightmare with my dc1. She saw danger everywhere. Always warning us about everything. She is much more relaxed now about dc2. She realised we are capable of not killing our child.

I see her overreaction had been dealt with. Nip it in the bud now before she causes your wife untold stress.

I think they've got that figured out Theodopolus.

Glad you all worked it out like adults OP.

Speaking as someone who inadvertently immaced their baby, you mothers reaction is ott and unnecessary.

Parenting is not easy, you have mishaps along the way. If she's like this to your wife now when you're doing grand, than imagine what she'll be like once you own a toddler hell bent on self destruction? Definitely nip it in in the bud now.

Those photos up thread are almost certainly of deceased children. Apparently it was very common in the Victorian age.

I know its all been sorted but heres my opinion - your mum was rude, but at least she was showing concern for the child. That's got to be a good thing hasn't it? Even if she was getting the wrong end of the stick.

"Those photos up thread are almost certainly of deceased children."
Both children are moving. Left hand on the older child (boy?) and right hand on the younger are blurred. It's one of the easiest ways to tell the difference.

Unfortunately nothing to add, but this sounds like my mother....somehow my husband and I are playing at it yet my sister is an expert in all things child. My mum is wonderful but sometimes can't remember I'm quite capable. Smile and nod is my current technique

I assumed the person under the blanket was required to hold the very much alive baby still for the photo and talk to them to reassure.
The deceased victorian child pictures I have seen haven't been like the ones shown.

Oh deceased I was wondering why they'd be needing sitting up photos of diseased children. books eye appointment

I do think some grandparents struggle as they see their children become parents and they don't know quite how to develop their identity to be parents And grandparents vs the eternal parent of all...

Its a chair... Im sure being a considerate parent you would not put them in any danger and your mother should trust that you wouldnt aswell. Its a hurtful comment as it belittles you, a pair of full grown adults.

Your mum's entitled to her opinion just as you're entitled to disagree with it. Just shrug it off and don't be so over sensitive.