Grandparents think we're playing at parenting

[aidanmf]

Looking for a little advice on how to deal with a potentially messy situation...

My wife and I have a son less than 2 months old and we took a picture of him sitting in a chair (wife was just out of shot ready to catch him if he fell). It got back to my mother and she called up my wife to admonish her and then went on to say "I know you see him as a toy".

It may be me being oversensitive but we're both in our 30s, have built up reasonably decent careers (which we've put on hold for our son) and manage to run a household on our own as we're both some distance from our families. All throughout the pregnancy, my mum acted as if we were doing this as a joke.

Should I let it go? I know she's not malicious but to my recollection she's never apologised either and this is extremely hurtful to me and the wife. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!

It's strange that she has acted as if you were having the baby as a joke throughout the pregnancy. Ok she may have a point about the chair, but I don't understand her attitude. Does she not like your wife?

I think.you need to tell your mum to back off, if she has a problem then yes she can speak to you but she phoned up your wife to tell her off?! Not great.

And I am.not sure I get the hysteria over the chair, I have pics of ds1 same age 'sat' in a rocking chair, it was a dutailier nursing chair he was in the corner between back and arm and I was kneeling on floor inches away whilst dh took the picture. But all my babies have been big and had very good head control from birth. Ds1 was sat like he would be in a bucket carseat etc maybe a bit more upright not in any danger.

Based on your OP I can see why they would say it was a bit of a stupid thing to do (and it sounds like it was to be honest)

Unless it's an adult-sized solid oak dining chair I can't see why you're getting such a hard time here. We propped DD up on pillows on the sofa at 8 weeks for pictures - she was totally safe. People stick their newborns in wooden crates and tin buckets for them daft photo shoots, if the chair is an armchair/sofa chair then I can't see any issue at all.

Surely if OP's mum was really concerned she'd have contacted her son, rather than going straight to her DIL to stick the knife in? She needs to back right off. Sounds like a MIL from hell in the making there, I'd be fuming if MIL called me and told me I saw DD as a toy.

Yes, if your DM was going to tell anyone off it should have been you (you get to bring up your own DC, and most of us can't shake the habit totally, even when they are adult, but you just can't do it to their spouses).

It does sound a bit of a silly thing both to have done in the first place, and to have circulated a photo of (assuming your DM got it via social media of some form).

Regardless of the actual situation there are better ways of voicing concerns. Belittling new parents isn't one of them.

FFS. I can't believe people are getting so wound up about a baby being propped up for a few seconds for a picture. The woman who photographed her kid inside a washing machine got less flak than this.

OP, your mum was really rude, and you should tell her that. I would also specifically address her contacting your wife to criticise her rather than speaking to you directly. That's really not on; awkward conversations should be done with the blood relatives, not the in-laws.

I agree with Jorah.

I've got pictures of DS and DD as newborns, and then on their birth date every month on the sofa next to a stuffed animal. I was also poised to catch them just out of shot. I never had to until they got to about 10 months and just wouldnt sit still.

Perhaps ask why she thinks you see him as a toy? Then call bullshit on every answer she gives.

Meh. It's a generational thing.

Photos of children doing inappropriately grown-up things on social media is perfectly normal - sometimes it's a sign of a worryingly shallow approach to parenting but normally it's a quick comedy break in the context of perfectly competent and committed parenting. My DM had a bit of a SOH failure when I was raving about a gorgeous dress I'd got for baby DD and snapped "She's not a doll you know!" Yes DM, I know, I changed her nappies ten times yesterday and got up four times in the night. Tomorrow I will queue up to let the practice nurse stick needles in her. Let me enjoy the trivial stuff too.

I agree with Jorah and Cel982.

We took a picture of DD in an orange clown wig when she was about 5 months old, it was a joke as I'm a redhead...she was bald...I posted the picture on Facebook saying "we're fairly sure DD is going to be ginger like Mummy!"

MIL accused us of "humiliating" DD.

DH put her straight immediately.

I hope you will too OP.

I've got a picture of my cousin inside a hollowed out watermelon. She was brought up in a hot country (for context)

I don't see the problem with having a bit of fun. Remember that woman who made the pictures of her dd sleeping in all sorts of scenes made from cushions and stuff? As an adult it's quite nice having pictures that show that your parents used to be human and vaguely comical.

www.boredpanda.com/wengenn-in-wonderland-sioin-queenie-liao/

I agree with Jorah and the other posters who don't get the chair angst. I thought it was normal to prop your baby DC up for a photo.

OP, your mother is bonkers and rude. Tell you mother that you don't want any advice unless you ask for it. My mum sometimes offered unwanted advice and although she meant it with good intentions I really didn't want it. I used to tell her to butt out and that she has had her chance to have kids and that now it is my turn, luckily we could both be good humoured about it.

Perhaps the next picture could be Victorian stylee

It depends on the child.My daughter held her own head from birth and sat up alone at well under 3 months- cant quite recall when but we have photos of her sting up at just under 3 months and its wasn't a new thing

Hamatime That link made me chuckle.

Op, so long as it wasn't a dining chair and your DS was supported, I don't see the problem.

It does rather depend on what the chair was like and what OP meant by 'sitting'.

Securely propped on a soft chair is as much an inference by readers as teetering on a hard one.

(inside a watermelon sounds more fun and more supportive)

We have pictures of Ds in the driving seat of an Aston Martin at 2.5 months. Propped up perfectly well, an adult either side ready "just in case".

I also agree with 5mad. The chair/sitting isn't the issues here - but your mother is.

Or hidden victorian mother stylee!

YY red, aren't the pictures creepy? But the babies are both very safe.

Oh God is everyone really saying that the grandmother was okay here? Maybe it was a bit stupid, but we've all done things we later reflect on as ill advised with our kids. It's not a case of viewing them as a toy, but a learning process.

The fact she's been a twat since before the baby was even here is way more important than one photo she might not like the set out of.

OP you can't just let her get away with saying things like this, or she will be doing it for the rest of your lives. It's not fair to your DC or your DW. Tell your mother politely but firmly that her support is welcome - her judgement is not.