Grandparents think we're playing at parenting

[aidanmf]

Looking for a little advice on how to deal with a potentially messy situation...

My wife and I have a son less than 2 months old and we took a picture of him sitting in a chair (wife was just out of shot ready to catch him if he fell). It got back to my mother and she called up my wife to admonish her and then went on to say "I know you see him as a toy".

It may be me being oversensitive but we're both in our 30s, have built up reasonably decent careers (which we've put on hold for our son) and manage to run a household on our own as we're both some distance from our families. All throughout the pregnancy, my mum acted as if we were doing this as a joke.

Should I let it go? I know she's not malicious but to my recollection she's never apologised either and this is extremely hurtful to me and the wife. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!

I get all sorts of shit advice and fake concerns from my parents.
smile and nod.

Your DM should be telling you her 'concerns' not you wife.

Sorry DS managed to hit post with his elbow! 'your wife' not 'you wife' obvs other than that carry on!

Good grief. Maybe they saw a photo op and seized it?

We received a few comments from my MIL in the early days. I just distanced myself from her in the aftermath of her worst infractions and she got the message. Now that they're 10 and 13 she's always falling over herself to tell us how proud she is of the job we've done with them, it does pass.

Red/Sparkling - they are just bloody awful! (Although it's exactly the type of picture mil would like of Ds and I! )

I'm not sure which idiot did it, but someone put me in a baby walker on a table aged 5 months. This was many years ago in one of those very scary looking metal things that just tipped over. I got a fractured skull. Why ss weren't involved I'll never know.

A chair seems pretty safe in comparison.

You should do one for her fourfox. We were laughing about it on a thread ages ago and I suggested we all did one, I rushed off and did it and nobody else did. DS2 sat on my knee wearing a Bart Simpson mask. I was covered with the throw.

My father thinks me and hubby are the literal enemies of his grandchild! Roll eyes. No amount of hard work and efforts we do is enough for my father to give his approval for us. It's just the way grand parenting is sometimes. Lol. It will get worse trust me. She loves your baby more than you two (she thinks or may be really; I ll know when I become grandma!) ;)

The first Victorian picture looks suspiciously like a post mortem photo - very creepy.

My brother is like that with me OP. I was in my 30's when I had my (very much planned for) children yet my brother is constantly making comments that belittle my parenting and make out that I had accidental pregnancies. It's very odd.
No advice other than smile and ignore.

If we're talking about out of order comments from relatives my "D"GM accused me of hitting DS1's head off the stone floor when he was 2. I went NC after that and stayed NC until she died. I have no regrets.

Appreciate the feedback, both positive and negative. It was a supported chair with cushions that the baby was leaning against. It wasn't a planned thing. Wife was holding him with one hand to do up his vest and I suggested the pic. I understand people's concerns (and certainly won't be repeating it) but imo he was safe at all times. Plus we did discuss that it could be perceived as dangerous to someone not in the room.

The chair is more context to what caused the toy comment.

I'd ignore unless the unwanted commentary becomes a regular thing that's causing real issues in which case be firm and tell her the advice isn't wanted or helpful. I've got a photo of DS when he was tiny propped up on a chair with his teddies so I'll be joining the pair of you on the naughty step.

How did your Mum come to see the picture?

Sparklingbrook it was sent to a sibling who showed it to her. I don't put any pics of child on social media. Not a judgemental thing just a personal preference

Did your DM express her horror to your sibling when being shown the picture?

I don't even do social media. Causes too much trouble.

Grandparents can be perfectionist nightmares, or they can be wonderful and supportive. Your mum sounds like the former at the moment, so it would be fair to put her straight and hopefully she'll eventually realise that you're lovely parents.

Donate you going to call your mother up on her behaviours? Especially going to your wife and not you?

Not sure sparklingbrook I didn't want him to get caught in the middle.

Thanks, appreciate the support. It'll get ironed out in the end and sometimes these conversations have to be had.

Yes - nipping this in the bud now may well avoid future heartache. For everyone.

@ Sparkling. Although if I did one she'd want all others forevermore to be with me hiding under a throw another thread for another day

My MIL also seems to think dh and I are children. She didn't want me to do a couple of hours car journey - just me and the kids - as I would have a "grown-up" with me

I don't think this about how good your parenting skills are, their baby had a baby and they're not ready to accept you are a grown up, way past teenager stage. So instead of accepting the next stage of all your lives, easier to maintain your safe position of being the parents and patronise/bully your child to maintain your position.

*wouldn't of course, not would