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Parenting

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Original poster

OK I know it's quite an individual situation thing but please place a vote for the best age gep in children!

84 replies

bramblina · 14/12/2006 21:05

From your experience- do you have what you consider to be the best gap? Or if you could tweak it a little, what would you have? Dh and I would like a 2yr and-a-bit gap between ds and the next but it's going to make no2 a christmas baby so I'm thinking...perhaps a little too hard...that we should leave it a little, to spring, making a 2 3/4 gap...hmmm

Anyone care to add something? Please?!

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poppynic · 15/12/2006 14:15

One thing I read was that first-borns do better generally because they get loads of attention etc. from Mum/Dad. The only way you can even things up for the second-born is be having it when the first has gone to school.

I think it depends a bit on how independent your first child is. I think my ds would have been the right age for a sibling when he turned 3. As it happens he will be 4.5. I'm looking forward to the dynamics. (Hope that's not too naive.)

ChristmasisComing · 15/12/2006 14:28

17 mth gap between my two - older is a girl, younger a boy. Have been best of friends and real companions for a couple of years.

Are only 1 year apart at school so have lots in common - similar friends, similar work, same Xmas play etc (for now anyway lol).

Dd was far too young to remember before ds was born, but is still very attention seeking (her charachter) whereas ds is very sanguine, sensible child.

Did have both in nappies, and had double buggy etc but that was no real problem, just got on with it. Thinking now (ds 4), could definitly NOT have a baby after having my independence for so long ...

caver · 15/12/2006 14:28

I would reckon on a minimum of 3 years possibly 4 !! Many people I know who have 2 children close together get a lot of sibling rivalry,
But in the end, whatever you are happy with will probably be good for you! All the best,
Caver.

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EniDeepMidwinter · 15/12/2006 14:30

god it really doesnt matter

compo · 15/12/2006 14:40

I've got a 2.6 age gap which so far is fine.
The thing I wished I'd thought about is
what season I had dd - I had ds in April and I think the warmewr weather and oncoming summer made life a bit more bearable. Dd was born in September and it's hard when she needs a walk to get him to nap in the pushachair - summoning up the energy to go out in the weather is crappy. Also we've all had numerous colds etc which doesn't help with the sleep deprivation. The dark evenings don't help with the baby blues either.
I have friends who want to wait until their first are at school so they can get on with the 2nd - the only thing I tell them is in those first few weeks I can't imagine how I would have coped with getting ds to school. I don't drive, don't have family near by and after getting up all night it would have been incredibly difficult to get everyone out the door at a certain time

WhenSantaWentQuietlyMad · 15/12/2006 14:42

Agree compo - having had one in Feb and one in Sept, the feb one was better.

You could look at it both ways though. On the one hand, with an Autumn baby, you aren't missing anything on all those days in the house. On the other hand there is more going on during Spring/Summer to get you out.

jalopy · 15/12/2006 14:46

Got two 3 yr gaps between our children. Works great.

KentuckyFreudChicken · 15/12/2006 15:05

I have 2 gaps of around 20 months between my 3 and it works well......no sibling rivalry here.
The best thing is there's only 3 years between eldest and youngest.

izzybiz · 15/12/2006 15:23

I have 11 years between mine.

I think it has been a fantastic gap, Ds is 14 in 2 weeks and he adores his little sister, she idolises him.

And soon he will be able to babysit! fab

compo · 15/12/2006 16:12

WhenSantaWentQuietlyMad - thing is I feel that I can't stay in the house cos of 2 year old!! So it's irrelevant what the weather is doing - I have to go out. I guess like if you had a newborn and school age kid

shimmy21 · 15/12/2006 16:38

Remember reading a study that found that the very height of sibling rivalry came with a 2 year 3 month gap. Any less than that and they tend to be more 'equals' any more and they tend to be more into different things.

Our dss' age gap is exactly 2 years 3 months. Sibling rivalry is high yes, but they are also fantastic mates, close enough in age to share a lot of interests and enjoy playing together, far enough apart to be very different people and to have been able to give lots of separate attention when babies (and still).

WhenSantaWentQuietlyMad · 15/12/2006 16:45

Compo, I agree, it tends to depend on the child, but if you have to get out then summer is definitely easier and with more options!

fruitful · 15/12/2006 16:59

I would think that the benefits/problems of different age gaps change as the children get older. And are very dependent on the temperaments of the children, and how independent they are, and whether you work / drive / have a cs / have helpful grandparents, and if there is an r in the month. And the only choice you really have is the minimum gap anyway. And not always that.

I have a 2y9mo gap. Its fine. Next gap might be 2y8mo, but only if I get pg straight away, and only if the baby isn't prem this time. So 2.5 upwards. I'm broody now, so this is the age gap!

Twinkie1 · 15/12/2006 17:00

DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE GAP THING - MY 2 ARE 4 YEARS APART BUT THATS BECAUSE ddS DAD WAS AN ARSE AND i HAD TO WAIT FOR ANOTHER NICE ONE TO COME ALONG TO HAVE ds!!

Sorry caps lock on and can't be arsed to retype!!

Most important consideration is to have babies when the weather is warm so you can have their parties in the garden and not in the house - they make mess and leave jammy fingers everywhere and its a complete pain in the arse!!

WeWishUAMerryXmasNANappyNewYr · 15/12/2006 17:08

fox trot what age gap have you got between yours. did you find it hard in the beginning?

foxtrottothefestivegrotto · 15/12/2006 18:48

ooh a question for me, how exciting! 13 months between DS1 and DS2 and 15 months between DS2 and DD. I wouldn't say hard, more like relentless, everything child-centred. But now DS1 is in Reception, DS2 in his second year of preschool and DD in her first, i feel like i can get my own life back a little bit. The best thing is that they do play (and fight) together and generally look after each other and are quite independent little souls now.

ellanatal · 16/12/2006 13:40

I had 3.3 years between dd and ds1 and i would say there was a bit of jelaousy to start with but she was old enough to explain things to. I've then got 22 months between ds1 and ds2 (ds2 was definitely not a plan!!) and although ds1 was s clingy in the early weeks after ds2 was born its great now! I may be speaking to soon cause i'll have the potty training palava with a crawling baby - visions of ds2 crawling through puddles of pee!!!
That doesnt really answer your OP but i think any age gap will have its problems - and its rewards!!

sunnywong · 16/12/2006 13:42

2.5 years

it's the dog's

mears · 16/12/2006 13:42

2 and a bit years was the worst gap for me - terrible toddler jealousy.

16 months was my best.

Next was 3 and a bit yrs.

LorinaLovesSprouts · 16/12/2006 13:45

22 months has been perfect for us.

They are teenagers now and have always been the best of friends and brilliant company for each other.

Gets all the nappies and sleepless nights over with quickly too

IvorthePolarExpress · 16/12/2006 14:01

I can recommend 15 mths. I aimed for less than 18 mths between them and I was lucky to fall pg when I wanted. It made going back to work easier as dd was only a school year behind ds and I was able to take 6 yrs off and go back part time. The school is on two sites about half a mile apart so I only had to go to both at 9am and 3.15pm (for the little one) and 3.30pm (for the big one) for a school year, too.

I was 23 mths when dsis was born and instead of being out of nappies and regularly dry in the day (or whatever), I went back into them, apparently.

Tinker · 16/12/2006 14:43

8 year gap - hard work, lots of jealousy, windng up etc. But, it's not just the gap, I was a single parent with my eldest, think that complicates the situation more.

With an 18 month old atm have to say, hats off to anyone with that kind of gap - cannot imagine having a newborn as well now.

twinsetandpearls · 16/12/2006 15:21

I am thinking about 30 years.

I had dd in 2001 she may have her own child in 2031.

PartridgeinaRustyBearTree · 16/12/2006 16:25

I have a 2 year age gap, which means lots of arguments, but when I look back there were quite long periods when they had similar interests, they liked going to the same places & doing same things, watching same TV & video etc. Probably at it's worst during early teens when their interests were different, both always wanted the TV/computer etc.
Now they're 18 & 16 & get on very well (probably helps that DS has his own laptop!)

NAB3 · 16/12/2006 16:30

2 years is the most common gap. I think people have their cute 9 month old and think how great it would be to have another baby without working out how old the eldest would be. Tantrums and sleepless nights?? Yippee.... If things had been different I would have considered having number 2 a lot closer than I did but I sometimes wish I had waited longer for number 3. We had him as soon as we did as we were hoping for 4 children and thought we had better get on with it. It is hard now because my 3 year old wants me to do lots with her and our 18 month old baby still needs a lot of supervision. My 5 year old is at school. Next Sept I will have to go to school 3 times a day too.

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