4 year old DS

[Trottersindependenttraders]

My DS has just turned 4 and has become increasingly difficult for me to know how to deal with. He's awful to his big sister, to me and DH and yesterday he hit a Yr 1 boy in the playground. He shouts and sulks when he doesn't get his own way, he breaks things, he hits DD, he refuses food if it's not what he fancies. Tbh I'm at a loss with how to deal with him. Every day feels like a battle.

We stand firm with him, he has boundaries the same as DD (who is 6) has. We've tried ignoring behaviour (as in if he strops we ignore him), we've tried explaining why it's not nice, we've tried love bombing him and more recently he's ended up being yelled at which is horrible all round, neither DH or I like doing it.

It's clearly something we're doing wrong, when he's at preschool he's fine.

It's really getting me down. He's a lovely lad - funny, loving and bright but I'm seeing less of this and more of this other side to him.

Can anyone give me any pointers or experience? I've tried repeating that mantra 'this phase shall soon pass', it's not working - the phase has being going on too long

It probably isn't you, please don't blame yourself.
Some children don't respond to normal parenting strategies as well as others.
There's a book called The Explosive Child which can be helpful.
We had some success with 123 Magic as well.

In our case our ds has ASD/PDA, whilst I'm not in any way trying to diagnose your son, the strategies for those might be helpful to you so you can get out of the cycle of tellings off.

Thanks Phil, I'll google 123 magic and take a look at the book you suggest.

It is a cycle, you are right. Just need to get out of it. Thanks for your suggestion.