Called in for a meeting at school - Help please

[IslandGirlie]

My 4.5yr is in reception and she's had a few wee accidents at school. She has periods of no incidents and then has a few days on and off accidents. Couple of days ago she had an accident and the teacher was stern with her and myself at pick up time. And today she's had an accident today and childminder was told that we need to go in tomorrow to book a meeting with the teacher and both go in.
I don't know what to do / what is going to happen / what they are going to suggest.
DD says either they didn't let her go / my body didn't say anything / I was busy.
And to top it all my 6yr DS had two wee accident in a row, laughter induced once & once they didn't see him raise his hand.
I'm not sure what I need to do / how to handle this...I'm freaking out about this..failing them / not training the kids.
Do they have some bladder issue?
What do I do

Help please.

No advice (no kids) but that does sound tough. Sending you

I should hope that even if the school staff are just looking to work out practical solutions with you, they wouldn't be stern or mean about it. No doubt the kids will be totally continent at some point in the not-too-distant future.

Try a panty liner or sanitary towel? That will reduce the mess and make her feel less embarrassed at least.
I do this at nursery and sometime she leaks but manages to hold it in without a mess on her pants
Sorry it is hard.

Take a look at the Eric website www.eric.org.uk
They have lots of advice and support and will give you some ideas about the type of support the school should be offering your children.

My dd is having similar issue, just turned five. I spoke to her teacher about it as I was concerned. She never wets at home.

Very experienced reception teacher not bothered at all. Very common, also this time of year they are tired, lots going on with the build up to Xmas etc she said dd is just getting engrossed in what she is doing and leaving it til the last minute to go.

So they will remind her and I will give her a sticker every time she has a dry day.

It is common and school prob want to check if it's happening at home and come up with a strategy to help.

I provide a bag with spare clothes I leave on Dd's peg as well.

Bur not a big deal. My dd certainly isn't the only one.

The teacher shouldn't be stern with you. Poor child not even 5 yet. Perhaps teacher can help her get in good habits. Eg toilet at break and lunch?

Thank you. Teacher was using words such as 'disappointed'/'expect better' when she was talking at my DD couple of days ago and at me 'we won't accept this' / 'talk to her at home' Dreading the meeting with her..
Panty liners seem slightly excessive for a 4.5yr old? Do such things exist?
You are right about her being tired..too much going on. Both children's common excuse is that they were allowed to go / didn't see raised hands..
I did realise something, we don't have a routine as such for going to the toilet.like before we leave the house in the morning/ before eating / after eating etc..perhaps we need to start one?
At home they are fine / settled / rarely have accidents.

Definitely start a go while you can routine with them it really helps. My DD wasn't entirely accident free in reception during the say or even later to be honest - half the time things were too interesting

Kids this age usually have free access to toilets to go whenever they need to. She probably just gets too engrossed in what she's doing. The fact that she has spells of no incidents suggests to me it isn't her bladder. How about those pull up pants?Teacher shouldn't have embarrassed her though. X x

Meeting on Wed to discuss 'action plans'
DD had no accident on Friday.

I'm not suggesting you use pantyliners at all, but they do exist - they're called Drylikeme.

Personally I'd do some role play with both children on how to get the teacher' attention in the class. Good luck.

Is she reliably dry at home?

Because if so, I'd meet "'we won't accept this' / 'talk to her at home'" with 'This simply doesn't happen at home, nor does it happen elsewhere. So I am glad that you do not want it to happen in school either and am here to hear you views on how you are going to go about this"

But for heaven's sake, say it nicely. You're on the same side here, in wanting a dry and happy pupil.

I think a teacher using the phrase 'disappointed' about a wetting accident is really out of order. I am a teacher of small children, we would just deal with it! A plan to help your daughter is a great idea, but it should not include verbal sanctions.

I would be worried if a reception teacher was using those kinds of words in response to an accident. My DS was dry from early on, we were lucky - we had a few class mates having accidents in YR1. In reception, it was quite common to see the plastic bags coming out with the kids. They forget / get nervous / don't have full bladder control.

The teachers gave reminders to the class to go at specific times and taught them how to ask if they needed to go outside these times. They never shamed the child for an accident.

Go in firm to the meeting, say you are working on it at home - but you do not expect her to be disciplined at this age for accidents as it is counter productive. Acknowledge that the teacher has the class to consider, but ask what structure is in place for toilet breaks and reminders. Ask what she would like to see her doing independently and then ask what if she hasn't got full bladder control atm.

Also, maybe get her checked out for a UTI, sometime they can be underlying for quite a while without major symptoms.

You haven't done anything wrong - kids develop at different ratea and accidents happen. I would also emphasis to your daughter than it happens and sometimes it can't be prevented, but she must try and get to the toilet if she can. Poor little thing.

I second chatting to Eric and would do so before the meeting. It shows willing. I know that you are but the teacher seems to have a rather odd attitude. I am sorry as this kind of stuff is hard. DD2 almost any to school not fully trained and so was tearing my hair out as I had tried everything. The difference here was that school was fab. Might be worth chatting to the senco too. I have a special toilet card for my now yr1 do. I agree re establishing a routine and the reward chat for dry days etc. Hopefully a tangible reward for x dry days.

The teacher 's attitude is appalling and not representative of our school. Speaking to my dad like that at school would have made the situation so much worse. If not happy after the meeting I would go to the head. I would specifically mention language used by the teacher to Eric as I am sure they will not think this to be a helpful approach to encouraging dryness. This could be relayed in the meeting in a more positive way of course. Eg having spoken to Eric they suggested helpful strategies to be...

Speaking to my DD at school not my Dad!

Thank you.
I'll get DD checked for UTI, she had an accident at home today. She just couldn't hold it and then couldn't stop it coming. I feel that they are being harsh and the words used were hurtful to DD as I could see her quivering. I was quite upset as well so didn't know how to react to it.

Can I ask vaguely where your school is-England, Scotland etc? I'd be appalled at a reception teacher using that language when quite a high percentage of children aren't fully dry until 7 or 8!!

South of England

If the teacher makes it an issue its more likely to get worse not better, I think I might be prepping myself to be calm and proactive but very ready to make it clear that I don't expect my child to be chastised for a common issue. And it is a common issue!

I agree.