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Original poster

'Mums' do my head in.......

25 replies

Dalesgirl · 09/12/2006 16:02

Here's the scenario...you invite some Mums out for a meal to celebrate Christmas. Some work, some don't. Those of us who don't work miss the 'Christmas Do' aspect of the season and so try to recreate it within the parameters that are available..ie: recruiting for a night out from the playground.

They arrive at the resturant and no one has made an effort in the dressing up field and all the conversation revolves around all evening is their kids, my kids, someone elses kids and so on and so on...

Has the art of conversation gone? What a bout music, travel, TV(!), fashion, celebrity gossip, sport, beauty, current affairs...all that you can talk about and you can't stop these women talking about their bloody kids. I have a headache this afternoon and I am in a really bad mood. What a waste of an evening! Oh, and we were all home be 11!!!!!!!

Comments welcome...let's have them

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GlennCloseAsCruellaDeVille · 09/12/2006 16:07

it's because you aren't really friends just people who all have children so you don't have the relaxing together vibe that you would have if you were really friends..it's caution and lack of interest..so yes a waste of time really

RubberDuckWithCranberrySauce · 09/12/2006 16:11

I know the feeling Dalesgirl - I've given up attempting to organise them, and am just resigned to forever having lost that "Christmas Do" tradition.

That said, I am going along to a toddler group organised one, but because the organisers are also working part time, they don't want to do a traditional Christmas Do but going for an Indian. Although I'm looking forward to the night out, I am secretly rather disappointed it won't be turkey and all the trimmings...

HonorMAGIpoeia · 09/12/2006 16:11

You're going out with the wrong mums! My old NCT crowd are great! We spend our evening discussing various Dh's prowess or otherwise in bedroom and who has the most dysfunctional family. Oh and who we'd like to be very friendly with from Children's TV! (Sid from CBeebies high on the list at the moment, followed by Sportacus from Lazytown!) But, I agree with you really as some other mums I go out with do nothing but talk about their kids, it can be sweet but when you want to have a good time it is annoying. Heck, it's rare I get a night away from Dd so (sorry Dd!) the last thing I want to talk about on this night is her! Guess this is what happens when the only thing you have in common is the kids.

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brimfull · 09/12/2006 16:12

Some women are children bores,I steer clear of them,they're usually dull.

BettySpaghetti · 09/12/2006 16:18

I went out with a group of other Mums a few nights ago. Well, I say "group" but in the end only 3 out of 6 could make it. It took us ages to get a date we could all make and then illness struck (Sods Law )

However we had a great time -conversations mainly about holidays (and differences of hols pre and post children), food and eating out, mutual friends and acquaintances (no, not gossiping, honest) and general wine induced hilarity.

Te only thing I hate about evenings out these days is not being able to have a lie in the next day.

myrrhthamoo · 09/12/2006 16:25

I think Glenn has it right - when I speak to other Mums I barely know the conversation does tend to revolve around children, whereas with real friends the conversation is much more diverse.

Having said that though, I just spent a couple of hours at my ds2's birthday party taking to a few parents I'd not really spoken to before and we didn't just talk about children even then.

Maybe you just picked the wrong Mums!

poinsettydog · 09/12/2006 16:26

I think the problem is that your children is what you have in common 'cause you know each other from th eplayground. Also depends on the women though.

I remember going to a couple of toddler mums-only parties by mistake (pub meal and piss up) and I absolutely totally hated them and I got depressed and thought I was a big freak...

Don't worry about it. By next year you'll have maybe sussed some of the mums out a bit more.

Glitterygookwithchocsonthetree · 09/12/2006 16:29

Agree with what others have said but I don't find this at all. There is some talk about children but it certainly doesn't revolve around them. Thank heavens!

FairyTaleOfNewYork · 09/12/2006 16:32

we ahve fun on our nights out. but i dont like to get into my family situation too much and avoid it as much as possible, as its my night off!!

RubberDuckWithCranberrySauce · 09/12/2006 16:36

"I absolutely totally hated them and I got depressed and thought I was a big freak..."

Oh thank god, you mean I'm not?!!

I'm finding it really difficult to make and keep friends these last couple of years ... am getting quite down about it all, tbh. I just don't seem to meet people who have much in common with me at all who live locally...

debido · 09/12/2006 16:42

i know the feeling too.

went out last week with some mums - it was just all very competitive and I didnt enjoy it.

rubber duck - i'm same position - hard to make new friends recently.

HonorMAGIpoeia · 09/12/2006 16:42

Whereabouts are you Rubberduck? Have you been to any MN meet ups? The ones I've been on were great and the ladies I met were lovely.

Original poster

Dalesgirl · 09/12/2006 16:44

The added 'extra' for me is that the group of mums already know each other very well, it's just me who doesn't know them. Talk about feeling like you've gate crashed a party! Is this a confidence thing or what. My husband says I should just not analyze it too much. We've been married a long time, he should know not to say things like that!

What's the point of opening the door to someone new and then not giving them the opportunity to join in the conversation. This does directly relate to the boring night on the town, honest. I am whining now I know!

OP posts:

poinsettydog · 09/12/2006 16:45

'Course you're not alone rubberduck

HonorMAGIpoeia · 09/12/2006 16:46

Oh no, that's worse. It's horrible when you feel excluded. Did they make no effort to include you in the conversation?

whatwouldjesusdo · 09/12/2006 16:47

tch tch

so very unlike a mn meetup

Original poster

Dalesgirl · 09/12/2006 16:56

Well not really, you end up simply trying to chip in and empathising with whatever situation they are talking about. It's like pidgeon inclusion...I made that up. I like it, it really describes that forced 'friendship' I have with the women in the playground. I do have real friends, honest, I just don't see them every week.

Golly, I hate the playground...can't wait for the holidays.
(Trying not to blaspheme, hence the Golly)

OP posts:

RubberDuckWithCranberrySauce · 09/12/2006 17:01

I have been to meetups in the past and they have been fab - I do need to get off my arse and try and get to a few more in the future. It's still really an issue of "things in common" again though, don't you think? Only the list has increased to "kids and mumsnet"

Was thinking of joining some sort of class or club in the new year, to meet people completely unconnected to children of any kind so it's a proper "time off", but I'm stumped on what sort of club (I'd like a reading group as that wouldn't be weekly - weekly is hard - but I've searched and searched and found NO reading groups nearby!!)

Saying that, in the last month or so, I have started to get more friendly with 2 mums in the playground. I wouldn't say it's at "friendship" yet, but certainly at a "proto-friendship" stage which is progress

dizietsma · 09/12/2006 20:37

You can always start up your own book club, I shouldn't think it'd take too much effort.

RubberDuckWithCranberrySauce · 09/12/2006 20:40

I'd thought of that - but it's the whole inviting complete strangers into your home thing, isn't it? Unless you hold it in a pub or cafe or somewhere and I don't really know them well enough round here to work out which would be suitable (due to the never getting out problem!)

I did find one reading group though after extensive internet searching - held once a month at 3-4pm ... eh?! Who on EARTH can that be useful to - people who are working wouldn't be likely get out until 5pm+ ... stay at home parents would be on the school run then. Only thing I can think of is that it's packed with retired people... Crazy.

frenchconnection · 09/12/2006 20:46

God i totally agree with most of whats been said, im really not one for all the playground competition about whose kid is cleverer than whose etc etc..

Have got our mums meal on monday which i am DREADING, thankfully i am going there with one of the younger mums who has a career too and lots to talk about besides her kids!! (we are both 27/28) i find some of the older mums (over 35ish, though when i reach that age i will obviously be different!)are harder to talk to and just seem a bit fish-wifey!!

sallystrawberry · 09/12/2006 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WethreebobKings · 09/12/2006 21:09

Home at 11pm - I went to dh's work do last week and was home at 9.45.

climbingrosie · 09/12/2006 21:21

I think the reason a lot of mums only seem to be able to talk about their kids is because their lives revolve around the kids and they are living their lives through their children, which is a bit sad really and definately a bore to be around!

I don't want to talk about my ds when I'm out, or brag about all his achievements, I just want to have a good time!! Luckily I have two great frineds who I share a lot in common with, we just all happen to have children, but that isn't the reason we are friends. I know plenty of other mums though who fit Dalesgirl's description.

climbingrosie · 09/12/2006 21:22

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