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Original poster

DD 1st birthday with dominating 3 year old!!! Help!!!

13 replies

Wolfgirl · 04/12/2006 11:37

Please help. Its DD 1st bday coming up in a couple of weeks, and I have a 3 year old that will totally dominate the whole day/affair. Other than her special day falls on a work day (for DW and DH , we still want to celebrate with her somehow, and without DS taking over.

We (DW/DH) are available for her from 4pm, so not much time. We thought of taking day off, but due to personal tragic circumstances, holidays have been used up, so time off not an option.

any ideas what we can do on her 1st bday and with our 3 year old. We dont want to spoil the day for either, just want to make sure its HER day/afternoon.

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WhenSantaWentQuietlyMad · 04/12/2006 11:41

Hi wolfgirl

Just to say that I can fully sympathise with this. Maybe the best way to do it is to harness ds's energy and channel it towards dd's birthday. For example, get him to make a card for her, help to make the cake etc.

If you can divert his attention and energy towards making it nice for her then it might make you feel better. She will never know the difference anyway .

ThrockenAroundTheChristmasTree · 04/12/2006 11:50

your 3 year old is too young to understand it is not all for him - but maybe you can get him to help by decorating a cake for her (she won't care what it looks like - and he will feel so excited at having made it). And get him to help wrap up presents for her - and tell him - if she struggles he can help her unwrap them - but he has to let her do it first.

First birthday's are more for the parents than the child - she won't understand what it is all about - so just do whatever you think will be fun - maybe just batting balloons around ?

ThrockenAroundTheChristmasTree · 04/12/2006 11:50

oops - no sure where that stray ' came from

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Twiglett · 04/12/2006 11:52

a 1 year old doesn't care

make it a family party and give your 3 year old as much attention as he needs ... give him attention for giving DD a present, for helping DD blow out her candles

saintmaybe · 04/12/2006 11:53

Ime for such little ones a 'party' at home with few, if any, guests, is best, especially if you don't have much time; you don't want to spend it travelling/ parking/settling. Can you involve your older child in choosing decorations and food, and if you are all happy and excited your lo will be too. She won't mind/ know/ notice that your 3year old is asking for a lot of attention, but she will probably notice if you or her sibling are stressed. At that age mine loved watching the older ones dancing and singing, just be easy on yourselves and make it special but keep it simple. Have fun!

WonderCod · 04/12/2006 11:54

i always arranged fo younger siblign to go elsewehre on older kid parties tillt hey were shcool aged

Jackie2kids · 04/12/2006 12:56

I agree with Twiglet and Christmastree. Make it a family celebration. Our DS was 2 1/2 when DD had 1st bd. Family all came over and brought small gifts for him too. He unwrapped her presents for her and then gave them to her we didnt stop him playing with her presents. He also blew out candles with her. We all had a great time. J

WhenSantaWentQuietlyMad · 04/12/2006 13:24

Just wanted to add that it sounds as though you may be feeling a bit more sensitive about it because you can't have the day off work. Remember that at 1 year old, it really is about you feeling that you have made enough of a fuss of dd, rather than her being bothered in the slightest.

She will pick up on the vibes and be excited, and in a way it will be more joyful with ds being excited into the mix. The nursery/CM will make a fuss of her - they have many birthdays for children there, and she will have twice the fun, sharing it with her friends and with you as well.

I would make it a small family thing, and enjoy whatever the day brings. Make some special baby food for her and maybe a banana cake or something to make it more baby orientated. Make sure there is plenty of wrapping paper and relish the memories of you all as a little family!

fortyplus · 04/12/2006 13:27

A 1 year old really doesn't know what's going on - let your 3yo 'dominate' proceedings - it'll avoid jealous feelings towards the younger one. My 2 have always had a present on each other's birthdays, so the non b-d child is really looking forward to the day, too! My children are MUCH nicer than I was when I was little.

Original poster
Wolfgirl · 04/12/2006 14:00

Hi all, thanks so much for your contributions. The issue about DS dominating the day/event in hindsight, is more about him dominating everything. He had sooooooo much attention being the first, and now older still needs sooooooooo much attention that poor DD comes a sad last in pretty much everything. My DS was so much advanced than my DS at this age (1) because of the time we had to spend with him. I guess you all get the picture. And I know DD will catch up, but yes, I feel sad that I havent/dont spend enough one-to-one with her, helping her vocabulary, walking, awareness.... etc. I must be one of a trillion zillion mums with same problem. Tugs at you now again - hey! gonna try a festive sad Xmas Sad not sure that will work LOL

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CrocodileKate · 04/12/2006 14:14

But Wolfgirl, look at what you have given her that ds didn't have. A big brother to look up to, fight with, play with and generally share her life with.
My dd absolutely loves her completely over powering older brother and at just 2 1/2 knows very well how to put him in his place. I am sure that ability will hold her in good stead in the future.

peainthepod · 04/12/2006 14:29

Wolfgirl,

I know where you are coming from......dd1 was nearly 3 when dd2 turned a year old and I was very conscious of things being 'fair'. I personally would not get a present for the child whose birthday it wasn't regardless of age...and told all my family not to either. Dd1 was totally ok with this as I'd been telling her it was dd2's day with presents for dd2 for ages.

I have always done a little family party with cake balloons etc - nothing fancy. This year when dd2 turned 2 and dd1 was nearly 4, dd2 was much more able to assert herself with dd 1 so rest assured the 'power balance' will right itself once your lo gets older.

WhenSantaWentQuietlyMad · 06/12/2006 14:10

I know exactly the feeling you state about the older one dominating everything. I just try to balance that with the feeling that I am a better parent this time around and think how much better dd1s life would have been if I had this much expertise when she was a baby.

Also dd2 really loves her older sister, so that is another bonus. She has loads more toys handed down and clothes.

Although the older one gets more attention, it isn't necessarily best for them in the long run. Sometimes easier to go through life in a shadow rather than the limelight.

Don't worry about the development side. Although you can coach children to hit developmental targets earlier, I sometimes think it is better for them to be allowed the time and space to reach their potential when they are ready.

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