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Original poster

Three of the same gender - middle child syndrome?

27 replies

MiniMinty · 04/09/2015 21:53

I have 2 DDs. We are toying with the idea of a third baby. I've always been acutely aware of middle child syndrome, and several friends who are one of three often mention it too and it seems to be more prevalent when it's three siblings of the same sex.

I hate the idea of my DD2 becoming the stereotypical attention-seeking / difficult / awkward / etc middle sister if we were to have another girl. If we had a boy then I think each of them would have their own role/place a bit more.

I suspect this is just one of those odd things that is only a thing in my head and no one else's, but it's really bugging me as it's pretty much the only thing stopping me from seriously thinking about TTC #3.......

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Canyouforgiveher · 04/09/2015 21:56

I really wouldn't give it much thought if I were you. I have 3, one boy and girls. DD1 is my middle child and certainly has a bit of the middle child syndrome - even though she is the first girl etc. Honestly you can worry and worry about what will worry your children and then something else will actually pop up that you never expected. If you have enough money, time and attention to give and want another child, then go for it.

PacificDogwood · 04/09/2015 21:57

Have 4

PacificDogwood · 04/09/2015 21:59

Apologies for the flippant answer - I could not resist

I have 4 boys, so I have 2 middle sons - they do NOT get on. Please nobody tell me it's a 'phase' as it's been 5 years. I have no idea whether it's a 'middle child' thing or just their thing, but it's been wearing.
Now getting better as they are both getting older (11 and 7).

Don't over-think your decision whether or not to have another baby.
IME they either get on with it or they don't.

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AlfAlf · 04/09/2015 22:06

I have 3 dds. Dd2 is lovely, she is definitely more generous (in every way) than the other two and has a more helpful attitude - I don't know if that's her nature or the fact she's in the middle. She isn't attention seeking, and no more annoying than her sisters.

StarOnTheTree · 04/09/2015 22:12

I have 3 DDs and DD2 is the one who is least likely to be attention-seeking / difficult / awkward /

ffffffedup · 05/09/2015 05:39

3 boys here I tend to think of it as 2nd child syndrome as ds2 was a little bugger before ds3 arrived

Original poster

MiniMinty · 05/09/2015 09:56

Well dd2 is very sweet but fiery too and gets ever so jealous when I cuddle anyone else, a proper mummy's girl. And since she came along, dd1 has naturally spent more time with DH so is a proper daddy's girl. I know they are both likely to change over the years but I worry what another baby would do to dd2. For some reason I don't worry about dd1.

I do actually like the idea of 4 but I don't think I'd want to be pregnant two more times. I also breastfeed for 12m+, am nearly 36 and want to get my career back on track which I'm not sure is compatible with 4 children.

I'm the higher earner and tbh we have felt quite stretched emotionally with two dc. So perhaps this middle child thing is my subconscious trying to put me off. body clock however, now that dd2 is over 1 and bf-ing is winding down, is trying to tell me something else

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Original poster

MiniMinty · 05/09/2015 10:04

Ps. Does middle child syndrome happen twice with 4 children? Ie with the middle two?

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ThroughThickAndThin01 · 05/09/2015 10:06

3 boys here; we have the eldest, the youngest and the middlest . Or we did when they were younger, they are teens now.

It hasn't been a problem. I'm one of four, and Dh one of two, so we had no idea how to deal with a three child family. I would say it's fine, if anything middle DS probably thinks he's the favourite as we've tried hard to make sure he didn't suffer from middle child syndrome.

We just try to treat them all fairly, with whatever situation or issues they are facing.

bigbadbarry · 05/09/2015 10:07

I've got three girls. DD2 is an awkward bugger but she was like that before we had DD3!

bigbadbarry · 05/09/2015 10:09

Lol fffffedup! Same here.

hackedoffnow · 05/09/2015 10:10

Yes Dd2 is needy and seeks attention by being a bit loud, argumentative etc. She also uses humour to get attention. She is actually incredibly witty and has me in stitches. I wonder if more comedians are middle children? I know Jenny Eclair and Jonathan Ross are middles.

horsewalksintoabar · 05/09/2015 10:12

I mean you can over think these things OP or just have another baby. I think if you're thinking THIS much about the psychological impact of being a middle child, then deep down you don't truly want another one. Why not just be happy with the two you've got? Life offers much variety on its menu. There's having kids and other stuff.
I think if you're a kid born into a happy, loving family well, it doesn't matter what number you are. Don't get too caught up in the malarkey.

Original poster

MiniMinty · 05/09/2015 10:39

Yes horse I do overthink things sometimes but having another baby requires quite a bit of thought.

I don't think DH is sure about a third either so I think I would need to be 100% sure so I can reassure him if that makes any sense at all.

I dunno. I am very happy with my 2 and I'm fairly confident we can give them a really nice life in terms of enough love and practical stability, opportunities for a future and fun experiences. A third would probably require more sacrifices for all of us. I'm a bit of a compulsive planner so I'm not great at just being able to "roll with it".

Friends tell me, though, that you just know when you are done having babies. And I don't feel like that....

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bigbadbarry · 05/09/2015 10:42

I'm sure some people 'just know' but I am equally sure that there are lots of people who would love to have huge families but don't for practical reasons. I think you are right to think it through! I love having three but there is no doubt life would be easier with just two.

GreenWalls · 05/09/2015 10:46

I have 3 boys. No 'middle child' syndrome here. I think it is a load of rubbish.

though I am a middle child and a bit awkward so I may be biased

PurpleWithRed · 05/09/2015 10:51

I was one of three sisters, but a gap of 18m between first two sisters then 8 years before I arrived (much to everyone's surprise).

Middle sister is the nicest least attention seeking and awkward of any of us.

I 'knew' I was done at 2 but now wish I'd had a couple more. Easy to say that when the nest is empty though.

horsewalksintoabar · 05/09/2015 11:11

Well, I have 3 and I am one of 3 and yes of course you have to think, but you are over thinking... and putting lots of pre-conceived notions and stereotypes onto your poor DC2. Just an observation.

LilMissSunshine9 · 05/09/2015 11:27

I'm a middle child and definitely the least attention seeking etc. that you say you think middle child will be. I am aware I get treated differently despite my mum saying she treats us all the same e.g. my mum will always seem to have more detailed conversations with my other sisters then with me such as if I ask how her day was she will say less than she would to my sisters.

Never changed right from child hood to now when I am in my thirties hence I do not feel close to my mum at all.

If my sisters turn up to a family do quite late and needs to leave early because they need to go home and get ready for work next day etc. its ok for them to leave early but if I mention I want to leave early too I am asked a dozen questions about why I need to leave and if i say the same as my sister its not good enough apparently.

Anyway I can go on and on. I don't think having another child will be a problem so long as you give equal attention and affection to them all and if sometimes there are times when one gets more then make it up later on.

Original poster

MiniMinty · 06/09/2015 07:47

Thanks all, very interesting comments that are leveling my weirdness.

Horse yes I guess I am projecting a lot on to dd2, though we've seen dd1 go through the Becoming A Big Sister thing whereas we haven't with dd2 so I feel more concerned as to how it will affect her. All totally irrational I know.

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SevenSeconds · 06/09/2015 10:03

I have 3 DC and haven't really noticed middle child syndrome, but mine aren't all the same sex. I know my friend with three boys finds her middle one the easiest!

But it does sound like there are other reasons why you should think carefully before deciding to have another baby.

Strokethefurrywall · 08/09/2015 22:44

I'm a middle and definitely had "middle child syndrome" but yes I reckon it's actually second child syndrome!

I was the loud one, gregarious, confident, dramatic, and attention-seeking. DS2 is coming up 18 months and I can already see him being exactly like me.

In my head I was 'so hard done by' but in reality my parents treated us all exactly the same.

superbfairywren · 09/09/2015 07:24

I am the youngest of three sisters and I don't think it's true. My middle sister doesn't fit that description at all. Never rebelled, isn't attention seeking at all. I know siblings who get on famously and others who were raised very similarly who hate each other and haven't ever got on. Don't think you can always be prepared.

LittleLionMansMummy · 09/09/2015 08:12

I am the youngest of 3 sisters and I think there's something in it. Middle sis was the only one who rebelled and continues to be the one that causes my parents the most headaches. She's funny, caring and generous but is also a drama llama with a bit of a habit of causing a stir/ trouble/ attention seeking etc. I wouldn't let it stop you though op - I'm pretty sure my parents don't regret it despite the challenges!

NickyEds · 09/09/2015 10:35

I've got "middle child syndrome" wrong! I always thought that first children are a bit anxious and precious (because first time parent are), third children are a bit spoiled and babied (because they're the baby) and middle children are the mediators and diplomats??? Dp and Dniece are middle children and are definitely the least rebelious and most diplomatic.

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