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Original poster

My baby daughter doesn't look at all like me

65 replies

sarah00001 · 28/08/2015 01:45

Hi, I have a baby girl who is almost 8 weeks. When she was born she looked a lot like her dad, then she looked like me for a while and now she looks just like her dad again and is his exact spitting image. I feel so guilty, but I'm really upset about it as I wish she looked more like me. It isn't that I think I'm good looking or anything, but I just wish there was some resemblance and you could tell she was my daughter. She looks nothing like me at all and several people have said the same thing.

I love my daughter to bits so it hasn't affected the way I feel about her and I know I'm being really silly and the most important thing is that she's healthy and happy, but I can't help feeling sad that she doesn't look like my daughter.

I wondered if the same thing has happened to anyone else and how did you start to feel better about it?

Thank you

Sarah

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Postchildrenpregranny · 28/08/2015 01:53

Neither of mine looked especially like me (or their father)as children. Apart from their colouring ,they are both the image of me- or rather me as I was at their age(s) (and my mum) now though. Either way it didn't and doesn't affect how I feel about them.

Verypissedoffwife · 28/08/2015 02:32

I've got 3 and not one of them look like me. In fact they don't even look related! I've got a ginger, a brunette and a blonde. Brown eyes for one and blue for the other two. I cannot find one thing in any of them that is physically like me. Honestly.

Buy personalty wise I see myself in all of them. My son is a cross between his dad and my dad to look at. He's got my brains (plus a bit more) my sick sense of humour, my love of music, my interest in conspiracy theories and also my social awkwardness.

His twin sister looks like a combo of my Mil and her dad (and absolutely nothing like her own twin). She's got dyslexia dyspraxia and dyscalulia so she's not being fast tracked like her brother. But fortunately she inherited her Dad's drive and determination so she's actually doing ok. From me she inherited her lust for life. Which both pleases me and scares me in equal measure! She's got my passion/stroppiness but also my softness and empathy for others. She's 14 and I see myself in her so much it actually worries me.

My youngest daughter takes after her Dad (different to the twins )and also his mum. She looks Swedish actually - tall, blonde, big blue eyes and tans really well without burning (unlike the rest of us). But personality wise she's sooo like me. She's outgoing and geeky and likes talking nonsense with me.

I do know how you feel. When they were younger I felt disappointed as I felt I'd "not passed my genes on" for want of a better phrase. We do joke about the fact none of us look related and the fact I probably look like a childminder rather then their mother. But honestly, when they get older you do start seeing more traits in them - I even see my grandparents in them.

SavoyCabbage · 28/08/2015 02:32

Mine don't look like me either, especially as I am while and dh is black. Quite often people don't even believe they are my dc. I live in quite a racist country.

But they act like me. One of them sleeps in the same position I do, the other one hooks her thumb under her index finger when she is anxious, just like me.

One of them has my temper and the other one needs lots of sleep like me.

My oldest loves reading (like me) and it has been an absolute joy to share the books I loved as a child with her. When I bought her the Famous Five box set when she was none it was one of the most exciting things I have ever done! That was my dream you see as a little girl.

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CiderwithBuda · 28/08/2015 02:43

DS was the image of DH when he was younger. Now he looks more like me.

Your dd will change and may or may not end up,looking like you. And different people see different things. I remember when I was a child if I was with my maternal grandmother and met her friends or neighbours they all said I was the image of my mother and if I was with my paternal grandmother her friends or neighbours would say I was the image of my dad!

Verypissedoffwife · 28/08/2015 02:54

Honestly you won't care when she's older. You'll be more bothered about seeing your own character in her. And you'll start to see that more and more as she grows.

queenofthishouse · 28/08/2015 02:58

They change all the time. My eldest is 20 and now is very similar to me.

And yes you are being very silly, it's not her fault she looks like her dad at the moment

ConceptualBiscuitArtist · 28/08/2015 06:45

Everyone says my DS (20 weeks) looks just like his dad - he has the same body type and very similar features and facial expressions. I think it's cute. But as PP have said babies and children change all the time. Most of the young babies and toddlers I know (of both sexes) look more like their dads if they have a strong resemblance to either parent. I read somewhere that this evolved to help fathers bond with their babies (or recognise them as their own).

SheWhoMustBe · 28/08/2015 07:16

My daughter looks nothing at all like me, we're total opposites in eye and hair colour. She's the spitting image of her father though. I quite like it because when people tell me she's beautiful I can agree with them without feeling vain.

rainingsleepingbags · 28/08/2015 07:25

At 8 weeks my DTs looked like scrunched-face grumpy blobs. Then they began to look like DH, especially skin colour as like SavoyCabbage I am white and he is black. Now at four DT2 resembles me and DT1 resembles DH. They look completely different from each other too, even though they're identical.

You might find you see your facial expressions and mannerisms in her as she grows, as well as the way she moves, laughs, dances, sings, smiles. There are so many other ways for her to resemble you, I'd give it time yet

Eminybob · 28/08/2015 07:38

From the minute he was born everyone said my ds looks like a mini version of his dad. It's never occurred to me to mind, but to be honest I can't really see it. He is just him. And he's bloody gorgeous.

Mehitabel6 · 28/08/2015 07:42

That is the interesting thing about having a baby! None of mine look like me but then I never really thought about it.
I look like my paternal grandmother so it is just as well my mother liked her MIL!

Bluetrews25 · 28/08/2015 07:51

She looks like herself.
For this to be upsetting you so much makes me wonder if this is the start of postnatal depression?
Can you talk to your health visitor?

Twolefttoes · 28/08/2015 08:00

When ds was born he was the spit of dh, there was nothing that resembled me, however he is now 4 and there is no mistaking he is my son now.

I did read a theory once that newborns often look like their dad's, nature's way of proving paternity and getting a close bond with the father. Probably complete rubbish but you never know.

Chillywhippet · 28/08/2015 08:03

Like verypissedoff My 4 DC have completely different colouring - dark hair with olive skin (Spanish/Mediterranean like DH's ancestors) and hazel eys like DH, brown hair and brown eyes (like my late Dad), blonde with DH's hazel eyes again and ginger with blue eyes.

I have been asked more than once if they have the same father. Yes. Genes are interesting. I read that kids look like grandparents.

DD1 2 and 3 don't look like me. DC 4/DS does a bit (eyes, nose and feet!)
When DD1 was born she looked a bit like DH's niece maybe. Someone in my NCT class asked how she had got a tan! I'm pale and freckly. People often pointed out that the DDs didn't look like me. When DD1 was tiny I sort of felt like I had adopted her.

Your lovely DD is so tiny still. You are still getting to know her. If she is your first it is such a massive adjustment and such an emotional time. If she does grow up to be the spit of her dad she will always be your daughter

queenofthishouse · 28/08/2015 08:05

twolefttoes ive watched a program about it - although these were lions

openthecurtains · 28/08/2015 08:06

Mine don't look like me. Doesn't bother me at all. They look a little bit like their dad but they mainly look like each other. There's a 3 year age gap but if they were the same age they'd look like identical twins. I think your DC is too young to see if she's going to look like you.

BrianButterfield · 28/08/2015 08:08

My DS is 4 and looks so much like DH that people have even got their baby photos confused! But he is so like me in many ways as he's got older there's no doubting I'm his mum!

flotillas70 · 28/08/2015 08:11

I agree you could be depressed. It really should not be an issue that is getting you down.

BoskyCat · 28/08/2015 08:18

I have also read that babies look like their dad to ensure care by the dad because he knows they are his. Possibly evolutionary biology bollocks, but most of the babies I've known do look more like their dad than their mum, including both of mine. DD started to look more like me around age 3 (though she really looks more like just her, rather than either of us). DS still looks more like DP at 10.

It didn't bother me, although I actually did have pnd. I'm not sure it's related. I think if you feel sad about it that's understandable, especially if it's not what you imagined, but you will get used to it.

Long before having DC I did imagine them looking very like I did as a child. But it's just not like that!

mrsnec · 28/08/2015 08:24

But they change so quickly don't they? I have an 11 month old dd. We have pictures of her all over the house from when she was newborn and they could be a different baby because she's changed so much. I used to have the same thoughts because everyone was telling me she was a copy of dh until my mum found pictures of me at 10 months and I could see more of a resemblance.

I'm considering taking new ones and changing the newborn and early days pictures because they don't even look like her to me now. I will obviously keep the pictures and I'm cherishing all the milestones but it's very early days op. And if it helps I spoke to friends about it and the majority of them had the same feeling at some point.

flanjabelle · 28/08/2015 08:30

My dd is my carbon copy. I wisyoi could see a bit of her dad in her somewhere, but she is all me. Everywhere we go strangers comment on how she is my double. I also get unpleasant comments from dps family members asking if I'm sure she is his because she doesn't look Anything like him. so it's not all fantastic having your own double. its unbelievable really, you can't tell the difference between her and me from our baby pictures.

BertrandRussell · 28/08/2015 08:34

I've got one that looks like me and one that looks like their dad. But their personality types are the other way round- which is very disconcerting indeed. And actually meant that I've made some bad choices in dealing with them in the past because I've forgotten that the one who looks like me doesn't think like me.

sofato5miles · 28/08/2015 08:36

My dd1 is a female identikit of DH, blonde, curly hair and blue eyes. I am brown, short and round. We look nothing alike.

It did jar me a little as I come from a long line of brown, short and round women but she is so beautiful. and I am so glad she got her lissom legs and not my treetrunks.

ffffffedup · 28/08/2015 08:47

All my 3 boys look like their Dad too. I also look like my Dad but I have my mum's mannerisms and apparently sound just like her on the phone so people can tell I'm her daughter. Your little girl may develop your personality and mannerisms as she grows older. I know what you mean about the looks thing tho it can make you feel sort of cheated 3 times for me I've done the hardwork of pregnancy and labour and they all look the image of their Dad

drinkscabinet · 28/08/2015 08:50

I think for it to bother you as much as it does might be a sign of mild PND. But we all have expectations for our children and I think with a PFB it's even stronger. Agree with others that they keep changing so fast and part of the joy of children is seeing various members of your families in them as they grow.

As long as others don't make comments you are OK, I've a spanish friend with 2 blond haired blue eyed children (they look very like their British Dad), when they were small she pretended she was the nanny because no-one in Spain would believe she was their mother. And my MIL said 'we don't recognise her' about DD2 which really pissed me off, not least because as a baby everyone else said 'wow, she looks like MIL'.

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