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Original poster

My baby daughter doesn't look at all like me

65 replies

sarah00001 · 28/08/2015 01:45

Hi, I have a baby girl who is almost 8 weeks. When she was born she looked a lot like her dad, then she looked like me for a while and now she looks just like her dad again and is his exact spitting image. I feel so guilty, but I'm really upset about it as I wish she looked more like me. It isn't that I think I'm good looking or anything, but I just wish there was some resemblance and you could tell she was my daughter. She looks nothing like me at all and several people have said the same thing.

I love my daughter to bits so it hasn't affected the way I feel about her and I know I'm being really silly and the most important thing is that she's healthy and happy, but I can't help feeling sad that she doesn't look like my daughter.

I wondered if the same thing has happened to anyone else and how did you start to feel better about it?

Thank you

Sarah

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Efferlunt · 28/08/2015 08:52

I read an article on evolutionary biology which suggested that when babies are very little they often resemble their fathers (or people are incouraged to think they do) as part of helping to reassure the father that this is their biological child. Your daughter is very small her appearance will change loads as she's grows up.

Fuckitfay · 28/08/2015 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArcheryAnnie · 28/08/2015 09:01

None of us in our family look like each other - we're all different races, for a start, including me and DS, as well as me and my siblings. My DS is the spit of his aunt, though, my SIL.

I've always thought the "babies look like their dads" thing, which is sometimes quite startling in the resemblance, is some kind of evolutionary adaptation designed to make sure that fathers recognise their own offspring and thus protect them. The babies don't need to look like their birth mums, as it's pretty bloody obvious that if you squeeze a human being out of your body, then you are the mother.

My DS has grown to look more like me as he gets older, while still looking like his dad. But - just as with the rest of my family - it doesn't matter if he looks like me. It wouldn't matter if he'd arrived on my doorstep in a handbag, we had no genetic link, and he'd never look like me. He's my boy and that's all that matters.

Enjoy your daughter, OP. She's yours, whoever she looks like.

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2ndSopranosRule · 28/08/2015 09:57

Also they change as they get older. Dd1 was the image of dh when younger but now at nearly 8 looks more like me. Everyone says DD2 looks like me but all I can see when I look at her is dh.

My dds have completely different colouring (one fair; one really dark) which leads most people to assume they have different fathers. To be clear, I see no issue in that but when you actually haven't cheated on your DH it's offensive (yes FIL. I'm talking to you).

GlitzAndGigglesx · 28/08/2015 10:04

My 6 week old twins look nothing like me. They're non identical and one looks just like their dad, but the other has a close resemblance to their dads cousin. I know that sounds slightly bonkers, but she really does! My eldest looks a little like me, but their dads features stand out more. I don't look like my own mum either. My girls are white/black, but one of the twins is a lot fairer skinned than the other yet you can still tell they're twins. Genes are crazy things

DurhamDurham · 28/08/2015 10:08

My oldest daughter looks just like me, she has done since she was a baby and she is 22 now.

My youngest daughter doesn't look like anyone at all in the family....luckily she wasn't out of my sight in hospital so I know she's mine

Some people comment on it but it doesn't bother me, she is 18 and doesn't seem to be bothered that she doesn't have a family resemblance.

It didn't affect how I bonded with her, I loved her the minute I saw her.

You little girl might start to look like you as she grows but if she doesn't it doesn't really matter

Sgtmajormummy · 28/08/2015 10:15

Mine both look like DH. Well, I DID fall for his looks, so I'm happy...
DS looks like the 100 year old sepia photograph of his paternal grandfather on his wedding day except for the handlebar moustache.
DD looks more like my lovely mother in law (RIP) every day.

BeautifulBatman · 28/08/2015 10:36

I sincerely hoping my baby looks like it's father whatever the sex - DH was the most beautiful baby I've ever seen in my life. I however, was not.

Lurkedforever1 · 28/08/2015 10:43

My dd didn't either. Completely different colouring for starters, different facial features etc. Colour isn't even directly her father, it's a throwback to past generations on both sides, so can't even say she ever looked much like him either. She was also a right porker as a baby up to early toddler, I'm angular. My stomach went straight back too, which whilst is usually a good thing, meant people thought I'd adopted her early on or that she wasn't mine at all which really fucked me off. Only thing we had in common physically was height. Now 11 and her body shape has remained a clone of mine at each stage, and her cheekbones are the same. Although unless you compared photos of me as a child it's only recently they've become noticeably the same. Otherwise no physical similarities. But personality wise she is incredibly similar to me. Apart from the annoyance of my proud new mum status being questioned early on, it's never bothered me. And even then I rejoiced in her difference, and I still do now.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 28/08/2015 10:49

My DS looks exactly like DH to the point where I used to wonder if I'd contributed anything at all. I thought that because I'm Romany and have dark looks and DH is very fair that my colouring would show more, but nope, it doesn't work like that!

SilentBob · 28/08/2015 10:57

Me- 5ft 9, large hands and feet, wild curly red hair, corned-beef skin, blue eyes...

Daughter (17)- 5ft 4, tiny hands and feet, wavy thick brunette hair, olive skin, huge brown eyes...

You get the picture!

You would not for a second put me and her together as related if we stood still and didn't speak. If you threw her dad into the line-up, you'd pick him out immediately. However, if she and I spoke- ohhhhh you would know she was mine. Mannerisms, sense of humour, facial expressions- so similar it's uncanny!

Do not worry about this. Your daughter is yours, you know this, she knows this and no-one else matters. Just enjoy her for who she is

lilac3033 · 28/08/2015 11:58

DD is the spitting image of her dad as a baby. I see nothing of myself in her, except one thing- her toes are definitely mine! I don't mind, it helps him bond. I think this is very important because at 16 weeks she shows a decided preference for me. I know it may all change but I love she looks like her daddy.

GooodMythicalMorning · 28/08/2015 12:02

I have 2 dc and neither them looks like me. The youngest is a mini me in personality though.

whootwhoot · 28/08/2015 12:11

Everyone tells me my DD looks the spitting image of SIL! I find that hugely slightly annoying as I wish that she looked more like me too, so I can empathise with you! But tbh, while it grates a bit, I know everyone sees what/who they want in babies and she will have her own little personality and looks as she grows which is better than being a miniature of anyone else.

kimhp · 28/08/2015 15:52

My son looks nothing like me either. When he was first born he looked a lot like his dad but now he looks like my 26 year old brother!! He's the spit of him when they were the same age!! It's quite scary but I hate it more as my brother is the double of my biological father (who is a vile vile human being) so I'm worried my son will look like him!!!!

Flingmoo · 28/08/2015 16:22

Just think how much more shit it would be if it were the other way round:

"Oh, she looks nothing like your DH... How strange. I wonder why that is?"

Trust me, better this way round than having to put up with a million stupid comments about how she might be the milkman's... At least having emerged from your nether regions she is undoubtedly yours.

captaincake · 28/08/2015 16:23

I have never ever thought a baby looks like either of their parents. DS is 15 months now and I can see DH's personality in him hugely but also some parts of mine. I don't think he looks like either of us but have been told by a few people that he looks a lot like me. I just think that he looks like him tbh. I have heard that babies are supposed to look like their fathers as natures way of a paternity test - but I'm a bit about that.

I hope you feel better soon. You are going through a very hormonal time please try to be kind about/to yourself. If you're feeling sad then you're feeling sad you're not being silly. How your daughter looks will change dramatically in short spaces of time - you said yourself she looked like you for a bit then went back so she's changed twice already and it's only been 8 weeks.

Congratulations on your beautiful daughter

captaincake · 28/08/2015 16:24

Ha ha mamushka I've been told a few times "minicaptain could be anyones" I really don't think he looks anything like me

RapidlyOscillating · 28/08/2015 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greencottage · 28/08/2015 16:26

My DC looked just like their (Asian) dad when they were babies and toddlers. Now they are adult they are the spitting image of me (except browner!). Don't worry about it - babies change a lot.

KobblyKnees · 28/08/2015 16:42

Keep an eye on PND OP . These little things can sometimes be a sign.

I'm sure she is lovely. Our third doesn't look like me, talk like me, move like me, think like me. However, he is perfect and has none of my bad bits either!

NKFell · 28/08/2015 16:53

Oh I can empathise with this! None of my children look like me...or DP for that matter! I'm black and DP is white- blonde and blue eyed. Our kids are quite fair with light eyes and well, just look nothing like either of us!

With my first I felt sad but, to be honest, I rarely think about it now because he's 6 and my other 2 look like him to be honest!

JimmyGreavesMoustache · 28/08/2015 16:57

One of mine is a proper mini-me. The thing is, I'm no oil painting, and never have been. Always the plain one in the family.

Whenever I'm told "oh my gosh, she is the image of you" (ie several times a week, most recently an hour ago), I just pity the poor soul.

chrome100 · 28/08/2015 17:19

It's interesting that people have remarked their DC resemble their siblings. Forgive my ignorance in genetics, but what perecentage of your siblings' genes does your child have (i.e. its aunt or uncle?) Asking as my DSis is about to give birth!

SerafinaScoresby · 28/08/2015 17:20

All through my pregnancy with DS I hoped and prayed he would come out looking like DP because he is a beautiful man and I am the ugliest ugly person in Uglytown. Now that DS is here and is the spitting image of his daddy, I catch myself hoping that when his hair starts to grow it will be my colour...

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