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Parenting

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Original poster

what sleep routine do you and your OH have?

24 replies

ScottishSmurfette · 06/08/2015 12:18

Our lil one was just born on sunday morning and i was just wondering what everyones sleep routine was, not with the baby as we are just working round him but with you and your partner.
At the moment my partner is goin to sleep as normal bout 10ish and im left seeing to the baby all nite, i dont get to sleep till about 4am and then partner wakes with baby about 7/8 and i stay asleep till i wake but im findin myself feeling bad for sleeping and wakening about 10 so we dnt waste the day but im gettin exhausted.
My partner suggested sharing the through the nite wakening but he doesnt waken for the baby he could sleep rite threw where as i waken easily and then cnt get back to sleep so he feels i should be doin it.
Some advie or tips woukd be great thank you

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ch1134 · 06/08/2015 13:05

It's hard. No right way. I guess you're not breastfeeding the baby then, if you can leave him to sleep for so long?
My baby woke a lot for feeds but went straight back to sleep again. My husband and I went to bed together, around 11pm. My husband's a really light sleeper so he would wake when the baby did and wake me up to feed him.
I got up in the night many times, every night for nearly a year to breastfeed. But we never suggested separate rooms or anything.

ch1134 · 06/08/2015 13:06

Sorry, that was a rubbish post for tips or hints...
I just got through it. Others will hopefully give you ideas.

Kent1982 · 06/08/2015 13:19

In early days I went to bed at same time as baby, I had no problem falling asleep often at 8 pm then I did all get ups with baby. Now after 20 weeks baby goes to sleep at 10 so do. I then we feed at 4am then have another few hours to sleep after till we get up. This is rubbish advice but I bf so partner limited how much he can help.

When my mum had me she said dad fed me for last feed at 11pm when she was already asleep then she did early morning one so she got a decent chunk of sleep. Sounds similar to what your doing

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skankingpiglet · 06/08/2015 14:05

Please don't be so hard on yourself or feel guilty about sleeping in. If you were working a night shift in a paid role would you feel the same? It's still really early days so you're not wasting the day, you're doing your best to survive it (at least that's how it was for me!). Your newborn isn't interested in activity-packed days, just cuddles with mummy and daddy I don't think I was out of my PJs before 12 for the first couple of months!
We worked it for the first 8 months that I did all the night waking during the week as I was bf-ing and DH had to work so needed a good block of sleep. He'd sometimes sleep in the spare room. He would take the baby from when he got up to go to work until he left, giving me a valuable extra hour and a halfs sleep, and he was in charge of settling and nappies from when he got home until 11pm. At weekends once we knew the times it definitely wasn't hunger in the night, DH would do some of the resettling and nappies in the wee hours. We alternate lie-ins on the weekends, and once I'd switched her over to bottles at night at 8 months I had the odd night in the spare room getting a full night's sleep.
DD is 14 months now and still a pretty terrible sleeper. She'll wake on average 3 times a night so we do 50/50 on the night waking.

Original poster

ScottishSmurfette · 06/08/2015 20:16

Forgot to mention that im bottle feeding. Baby is sleeping through the day so at nite while hes awake inbetween feeds i feel bad if i fall asleep just leaving him awake by himself but oh sees it as fine for me to be up all nite with him coz i was awake till 3/4 whilst pregnant anyway so im used to it, only difference is he was at work from 7am so i cud sleep aslong as i wanted. I just dont know when im meant to sleep but still give attention to baby and oh

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purplemurple1 · 06/08/2015 20:29

With my first kid my OH went to bed at 9 ish I stayed up and fed baby at 11pm then slept and fed at 2am. I then slept until I woke normally 7ish. OH looked after ds from 2am if he would settle or more normally 4 at his next feed . But the 2 am feeds only lasted 2 months and I was working pt and OH was working 7 days a week so we needed to balance the tiredness.

LittleMiss77 · 06/08/2015 20:34

We have no set routine just yet (3wk old, FF every 3.5 - 4 hrs)

I try to sleep when baby sleeps, so if that means a few hrs on the sofa at 11am then so be it.

I get up in the night during the week for feeds as DP is working, however now i have stopped expressing, this weekend DP will be taking on the nightfeeds, after some confidence building training sessions!

Fluffy24 · 06/08/2015 20:44

I did all of the night feedings, was breastfeeding but we tried a couple of times to do some where DH gave a bottle - epic fail though as by the time DH was roused DS was howling, I was wide awake and DS too upset to take a bottle and I had to BF.

Can you get DP to stay up later til maybe midnight and you go to bed a bit earlier, say 9 pm - then you'd get an extra couple of hours? Even two hours doesn't sound like much but if it's a third as much sleep again that's worthwhile.

nutmegandginger · 07/08/2015 15:56

Agree with previous poster - an extra 2 hours makes a big difference. If you can manage to get 4 hours consecutive sleep you can keep going. I used to get my dh to stay up with the baby and give last feed at about midnight while I went to bed at 10. Baby would then wake me up at 1.30 or 2, but at least I had had a chunk. Don't feel bad about sleeping in in the mornings - it sounds very sensible. You need to take care of yourself and sleep deprivation is really hard.

Littlef00t · 07/08/2015 20:16

Just sleep whenever you can. Not to sound flippant but there's no need to be entertaining your oh, and at this early stage it's a 24 hour shift so just do what you have to do to keep going.

knittingbee · 07/08/2015 20:27

I FF DC1 and we did it so I did night feeds Sun-Thurs, and DH did Fri and Sat to give me a break (so nights when he wasn't waking the next day). A few weeks in, we started putting DC1 down at about 7 with a bottle and story after a bath, then we shared any waking between then and our bedtime.

We couldn't do that with DC2 as I EBF, so when she woke, DH used to help a bit by giving her a cuddle and a nappy change while I got comfy and prepped to feed. She was a magic sleeper between 2 weeks and 5 months, and she slept 10-7, so we just did her bath and PJs at 7 (same time as her big brother), then brought her down with us for cuddles and feeds until 10 when we all went up to bed together.

knittingbee · 07/08/2015 20:28

*nights when DH wasn't working, not waking - he did the waking!

Roseybee10 · 07/08/2015 20:35

Hubby took 4 weeks off both times.
We did shifts. We were bottle feeding.

9pm -3.30am hubby took baby into living room with crib and settled her and then did all feeds during that time and slept on couch if she went over in the crib.
I set my alarm for 3.30am and went into the living room and hubby went to bed and slept til 9. I did any feeds and dozed on couch I between.

It was great as we both got at least 6 hours solid sleep through then snatched extra in the living room. I think it really helped me recover from birth.
We did that for 3 weeks until baby was able to go a bit longer between feeds and then brought her in to our room.
Once hubby was back at work he stayed up to do her last feed at 11pm and I went to bed at 9.30pm then I got up to do any feeds between 12-6 then he got up at 6 and had her til he left for work at 8am. It meant we both got reasonable sleep but he had a longer stretch of unbroken sleep as he was working.
Now she's 6 months and goes down to bed at 8pm and has a feed around 4am so I do the night feed 5 nights out of 7.

Roseybee10 · 07/08/2015 20:38

Ps you need to get your oh to pull his weight more. I'm assuming he's on paternity leave? If you're bottle feeding there is no reason why he can't split the night shifts!!!!
If anything he should be doing more right now as you need rest to help to physically recover from labour and birth.

Original poster

ScottishSmurfette · 07/08/2015 23:18

Yeh he is on paternity leave atm. Last night i went to be at 9ish to get some sleep and oh stayed up with baby fed him at 11pm then he went to sleep at midnite and i took over and then wen baby was wantin fed at 7am i woke him up to take over but he had a moan that i should of seen to him and tonight he went to be early as he "had barely any sleep" last nite, like 7hrs wasnt enough lol so i dunno what im gunna do.... just never sleep again to keep the peace

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Roseybee10 · 08/08/2015 04:42

Wow he sounds really selfish tbh. What's his reasoning for needing more sleep than you?
Your body has just been through a massive physical ordeal, his hasn't.

You need to make it clear that parenting is a partnership. I understand it will be a bit different when he goes back to work but right now there is no reason why he should get more sleep than you.

Original poster

ScottishSmurfette · 08/08/2015 10:16

I dont really know his reason as to why he needs more sleep. Im just guna go with it for now coz id rather be tired than have him grump at me

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slightlyconfused85 · 08/08/2015 11:19

I go to bed about 8-8.30 and Dh bottle feeds ds when he wakes around 10. I then do the rest of the night feeds which is normally 2 more the depending on how it's gone dh gets up with baby and older dd in the morning while I shower etc. Don't feel bad for sleeping in the morning whatever works for you

KitKat1985 · 10/08/2015 13:25

I used to bf in the early days but I would express some milk in the day and DH used to stay up after I went to bed early and keep going until her milk ran out. In reality because I wasn't so great at expressing and struggled to express loads, he usually had enough for two small feeds, which probably took him up until about midnight / 1am and then he would come to bed and I'd do the rest of the 'night shift', but I found that if I could get a solid 4 hour stretch in it made a huge difference. Assuming you only have the one child then make sure you both take the opportunity to have naps in the day as well. Whilst he is on paternity leave you should both be able to take it in turns to get a decent afternoon nap in. Don't worry about 'wasting the day' with a newborn. Just try and get as much sleep as you can.

neversleepagain · 10/08/2015 20:20

We have twins. I would go to bed at 8pm and he would feed them at 11pm. I would then do the night feeds and get up with them at 7am. He did Saturday nights when he wasn't working. It was tough going but we survived. Just.

FanOfHermione · 10/08/2015 20:30

Went to bed EARLY (as early as 8.00pm) with DH doing all the baby's duties up to 11.00pm.
Then we either share the waking up (dc1 was bottle fed) or I got up (dc2 who was b'fed).

The thing about not being able to wake up is bollocks. When you know that you will have to wake up if the baby's awake, then you do wake up. You don't when you know someone else is going to do it!!

FanOfHermione · 10/08/2015 20:33

Oh yes, don't be fooled by the 'I haven't got any sleep' or' It's so hard work that I can't do anymore'.

Yes it's tiring, yes it's hard work and it's hard and tiring for both of you (you more than him atm as you are recovering for giving birth!!!).
So unfortunately, he will have to get on with it.

Or you need to be happy to do ALL the getting up in the nights for the following 3 years, all the early mornings and probably all the baby/child related stuff because really he just can't cope with it....

nutmegandginger · 10/08/2015 23:39

I agree with the other posters. He needs to do his bit. It's baloney that you can magically cope with no sleep and he can't. Lack of sleep catches up with you - if this goes on you will be exhausted a few weeks in and so he needs to get his act together now. If he is on leave he has no excuse - what does he think paternity leave is for? If it was just doing the fun and non-tiring stuff he wouldn't need time off work.

ohthegoats · 11/08/2015 08:38

My partner went into the spare room on day one, and didn't come back until about 8 months. Nice. Not. I was breastfeeding and there wasn't much he could do at night really, but quite a lot of the time I'd be angry at hearing his snores at 3am. Our child wasn't a screamer at night, so didn't really need 'settling', just feeding.

Once I stopped breastfeeding though, he got more involved and we're probably at 50/50 at the moment (almost 10 months, child wakes up twice between 7pm and 7am). He hears her every breath, I sleep through everything until she's properly crying. Haha.

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