How does the third child just 'fit in'??

[daisydalrymple]

Dc3 is 9 mo. I constantly see posts about how the third child has just slotted seamlessly in, and has had to fit around family life, is really chilled etc. I haven't found that at all, where am I going wrong???

Ds1 is 8, dd is 6. They both absolutely adore their baby brother. They will happily chat and play with him whilst I get little jobs done, but he's often cranky at teatime, even though I now cook dinner earlier, as DH doesn't get home till late so I eat with the dcs. I try to prep bits towards dinner through the day as and when I can (eg peeling veg etc), but still feel stressed at mealtimes.

Ds2 is a happy chap most of the time, but still needs to eat and sleep regularly and I sometimes find this stressful enough, without trying to work around it for days out.

I'd love to hear how family life 'works' for you if you have 3 dcs, and what kind of routines you have when you're at home and generally out and about getting on with life. (Specifically when dc3 is/was a baby). Thanks.

DC3 is 6 months and fits in around what we are doing, we are very lucky she is a chilled and happy little soul (most of the time). It worked even better when the kids were at school as we get up, dressed and breakfast with them before waving them out the door (9 & 10 and walk to school by themselves) DC3 and I would go for a walk, pick up any groceries etc and she will usually nap on the way home.

DD1 and DS are great with her and look after her for short periods to let me get things done otherwise she sits in her buggy/playpen/high chair or sling (whatever fits best) while I do bits and pieces but I don't stress about doing loads. As long as there are clean clothes, people are fed and not too much mess hovering waits for the weekend ????

I don't know!

DS is 14 months and fits in ok some of the time.

When we are trying to do craft, visit friends, bake, play board games......not so much.

Thanks for your replies. Yes, we have a third co sleeping help yourself bf at night dc here!

I think the holidays have coincided with his naps changing, as he would usually nap in the pram after school drop off when I went for a walk, but isn't ready for a nap that early now. Ideally I think he'd nap 10ish and maybe 2ish but it might not happen at those times if we are out and about, and often his first nap is later, then he either gets cranky and catnaps late afternoon, or refuses a second nap and its a race to bedtime.

3 dc and at times I feel like I still don't know what I'm doing! I feel like I don't get any quality one on one time with any of them. I really need to change the way I approach it all I think...

My dc 3 has not fitted in at all ( now 10 months and just starting to get a little easier).

Dc 1 was very challenging and still is at 5, whereas I was lulled into a false sense of hope with dc2 who was the laid back, happy and good napper of the family I thought dc3 might be similar!

14 month age gap between 1 & 2 was easier due to dc2 being happy / chilled out during the day - now a 4 & 2.5 year gap with no 3 is actually been harder, partly as I do not enjoy the baby stage and have found going back as hard as I feared.

For me smaller age gap is easier to get it over with at one time, I wanted 3 children and if I could fast forward a year or so that would be great :)

Sorry thats not more positive, I do focus on 121 or any mix of 2 to ensure quality time however this is difficult as I work shifts and dh out 7-7 and works away so we get no family time together at the moment.

Thanks Mia, sorry you've found it difficult too, but it's good to know it's just not me! My DH is the same with work, he leaves the house 645am and gets back 7-730pm (but that's due to long commute rather than long shifts). He's also away in London regularly.

I would just love for him to be home by 6pm, just having an extra pair of hands for that hour for me to clear up after tea, clean the kitchen, tidy around etc, whilst knowing ds2 is happy.

I'm really trying to rethink my routine and the way I do things at the moment.

My third did "fit in" (for years) but that was personality, and enjoying watching the older manic ones.
But the age gap is a major thing to make it easier. My older ones were at Nursery/School when the youngest was born. Which did allow some 1 to 1 time.
Otherwise using the other parent and child care are the only ways you can snatch some time with each one (I found bedtimes the best time to get even 5 minutes regularly).

Sometimes the younger one can be less flexible and need a routine set in stone. Sorry.

Yes, ds2 is pretty nap-phobic, so even now it takes some effort. Fine when ds1 and ds are at school, I love going off for a long walk down the beach or similar, but I cant expect them to do the same throughout the hols! Hit and miss if he will go off in the pram at home.

Add to this a lovely dad with advanced Alzheimer's and its so much juggling!!! Thanks for all replying.