Not coping well with the terrible twos

[Sunshine567]

My dd is 26months and has started the terrible twos. I'm really struggling to the point where I don't want to go anywhere. Everywhere we go turns into a nightmare. We can have a nice day at the park or swimming or soft play and as soon as we start to leave she starts the screaming and lying down and won't move. I don't even have the strength to lift her sometimes coz she hits out and it's hard to hold while dodging the blows. This can last for about 45mins at times. We can't even go to a supermarket because as soon as she sees a trolley she starts screaming. So I either have to leave her with my partner or need to make sure someone's with me. She only has about 6 words which I think also doesn't help as she gets really frustrated when we don't understand her and can take to biting herself. She seems to listen to my partner more than me. I always seem to the bad guy. I've tried ignoring her, being nice, shouting and nothing works. Bathtime the other night was awful. She refused to go in. She stood screaming and hitting me while I got upset and sat and cried. I feel like a total failure.

Nov1377 that was really tactful!!!seriously ignore her sunshine x

Sweet dreams and flying machines yes I have a pusher who thinks whatever he has touched or used is then his property !!! Its bloody annoying always having t apologise for him when near other children!

Nessa too true. I'm hoping she gets through this phase quickly, I'm not sure my nerves can take it. It is so nice to talk to someone else in the same boat, my friends' children all seem so well behaved

Sweet dreams I know what u mean its def nice t feel yr not alone and does help when I'm in the middle of yet another episode and think save me now!!!!!!;) god I hope its a short phase !x

Hope it isn't/wasn't too bad nessa!

I'm on wine ...that might help sunshine ;) hope yr day wasn't t bad ?

I had a lovely massage today and then picked dd up, got her in to the car seat happily and thought ok this is going to be a good night. Got home and she refused to get out the car. Screaming, kicking, going rigid and elongating her body so I can't get a hold of her. I thought I cant be bothered with this and just sat in the backseat with her until she calmed down. Safe to say the massage was a waste of time.

Just rem u r trying yr best. You r a good mum and sometimes no matter what u do u can t please the buggers. U didn't have s wasted massage as any time alone in peace is a bonus xx

Yeah it was nice at the time. She said I was carrying a lot of tension and I thought I wonder why?.... lol
I think when I get upset with it I think to myself I'm a rubbish mum but I'm just being ricidulous x

It is ridiculous don't think that the bugger's are just there r try us ;) x

I was so lucky at age 2 but three saw a few doozies! I just ignored my dd when she went off on one. Went about my business, waved goodbye while appearing to walk away from her and she usually calmed right down. Once in M&S she decided to scream & roll about the floor where all these old biddies were trying to get their cold ham. The looks and unhelpful comments pissed me off no end so I dumped my basket mid aisle and told dd I was leaving her there to tantrum and walked away fast. Cue lots of tutting from the biddies but dd followed me out - albeit crawling on all fours but I just ignored her behaviour & kept talking as if she wasn't doing anything abnormal (if I hadn't been so angry with the judgemental biddies I'd probably have been holding back the giggles) It only happened like that once because she didn't get the reaction she hoped for. Now at 5 if she starts a tantrum I tell her to go to timeout and without any questioning she goes and sits until she's allowed out. We've had about 2 tantrums a year since the M&S experience.

Unfortunately ughmug my little one is ignored regularly but still comesback for more! They are all different i guess!

Yeah nessawh just today I ignored my dd during tantrum and it only made her worse

Yes mine gets even more wound up when totally ignored

Well I have a good experience to share! I decided to give the supermarket another chance at the weekend with my dd because we really needed a few bits and bobs. Thought to myself in and out in 20mins. Walked to the trolley bay and slowly got the trolley hoping she wouldn't kick off when she seen it but no teddy got put in the seat. Didn't even attempt to try putting her in too so she wanted to push the trolley which I though ok i can do this. Might take longer than 20mins but it'll be fine. 2secs later she's pointing at the seat and she wants to sit too. Sat all the way round the shop amazingly. Put stuff in trolley for me. Tried to sneak chocolate in myself but she spotted and grabbed it and thought god this is it she's going to explode coz she can't get any. Told her if she was good she'd get a bit when we got to car. She said yeah and chucked it in the trolley! Cashier and ppl in the queue commented on how sweet and cute she was and I thought aww shopping can be good. She remembered the chocolate when we got to the car but I was so proud and happy I would've given her the whole bar!! Think teddy might be coming with us more often

That's brilliant news sunshine. On the good times it can really help you feel human again x hope it continues for u :) hopefully with more language and understanding it will get even better..

I totally sympathise. My ds (2) is a tantrumer. Bedtimes and supermarkets are the worst. And car seats. And not stopping at the train station for half an hour when we pass it.
I keep asking myself is there anything we should have done differently. My dh would claim it's because I coddle him (often citing our natural term bf). I'm not sure if I buy that.
Ds is very verbal though. He can usually say what he wants when he's having the tantrum. But if we don't then give it to him the result is the same. It seems more like he doesn't know how to deal with the emotions.
I find thinking about it this way helps prolong my patience. That and mn!

I know what you mean sunflower I think my little one finds it hard to control his emotionals and even when happy he goes over the top as is unable to understand how to control his emotions...I can help sometimes when dealing with the tantrums ..but its still wearing esp when out and about in public;)

If any of you moms reading this, how are your kids (now bit grown up) doing now? Did the terrible two's/ three's pass? I am struggling with my sensitive and stubborn 26 month old!!

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We are going through this right now with our 2.5 year old. She has really good speech to the extent where you can have a conversation with her, however, I don't know how I got her to nursery this morning! She runs off when I try to dress her, she won't put her shoes on etc etc. I try to remain calm and apparently I have a fairly calming tone to my voice as it quite deep so I try to speak calmly but sometimes its near impossible. On our journey as parents we will have all read the coping strategies and whilst they do help, like reading this thread, its still incredibly difficult and I have never personally experienced anything to compare to it. I am realistic and do know at some stage this phase will end and I try to come up with different ways to tackle tantrums. Thankfully, she is very good at going to bed! She will take herself off to bed as I wander behind her so for that we feel very lucky. Of course at Nursery she is an Angel! Yep, doesn't seem to play up at all. I often say "I drop off 1 child and take a different one home!" but as others have commented its their safe zone, but I personally take little comfort from that when they are screaming like a banshee and trying to hit you! One of the ways I recalibrate my brain is by working out. I have that 35-40 HIIT session at home and it really helps me, then I take deep breaths and accept whatever she is going to give me.

Good to read all these comments, as its nice at least to feel part of the same club :)