clingy baby - is it ok to go away for the weekend at all/one night/two nights?

[cantbelieveimonhere]

This is a cry for advice; particularly if you've been in a similar situation. What decision did you make? How did it work out? Would you do the same again? What would you do in this situation?

DD is 10 months old and has been "clingy" towards me, her Mum, since six and a half months.

Close friend lives in another part of the UK and unable to travel at the minute (not an option, owing to health issues). We had been hoping to meet in person this Autumn. We had thought I might travel to her. This involves a one hour drive to airport, followed by a one and a half hour flight. Owing to availability/dates/flight times etc the options are:

A) Leave Fri evening and return Sun evening. This would involve missing three bedtimes and two full days.(DD used to sometimes DH putting her to bed. That on its own is not an issue) It would mean an extremely long stretch apart. It would give better value for money. It would also give greatest amount of time visiting friend, in return for leaving DD.

B) Leave extremely early Sat AM and return Sun evening. This would involve being away two bedtimes and two full days. I would be up early (3.30am) and so likely be tired most of Sat and ?do away with goodness of even being away and not getting best of time catching up with friend.

Would love to go (dates looking at would be around 11.5 months for DD) but can't decide:
Is it selfish? Should I just stay at home and rely on Skype?
I need a break and it would do me good to have time off from parenting duties?
Just go one night?
Bite the bullet and go for two nights?
What will be the likely impact on DD and our relationship?

Unsure what to do.

[LMonkey]

If your lo is OK taking the bottle then I really don't see a problem. Yes she might miss you and scream for a bit but as long as your OH is happy to deal with the screaming for a while then its actually probably a good idea for all of you.

[LMonkey]

Sorry meant to say that 10 months is a perfectly reasonable age to leave your baby in the capable and loving hands of her daddy. And you may as well go for the 2 nights as it will be less stressful and tiring for you that way, making the whole thing much more worth your while (and the stress in worrying about it!)

[lexyloub]

Go for the full weekend baby will be just fine with her Dad. You shouldn't feel guilty at all she's not going to remember it in years to come. Enjoy some time being you instead of being Mum we all deserve a break sometimes.

[ch1134]

Only you really know, but I think you're going to go! I only left mine once I'd finished breastfeeding, but I think it's fine in your circumstances. If you do go, make the most of it and enjoy.

[Discogeek]

Go! And go for the whole weekend, there's no point doing one night & being too exhausted to enjoy yourself and spend some quality time with your friend.
Your DD will be fine, she will have a lovely time with her dad & it'll give your DH some quality time with his daughter.
It is fine to want some time on your own, it's not selfish & it will do your DD no harm at all. It doesn't make you a terrible mother to have a life away from your children

[Bonsoir]

Your DD might scream all weekend but you should go if you want to.

[icklekid]

I would go if dh agreed and my ds is the same HOWEVER when I am not around he is fine to be comforted by someone else - I wouldn't know this if I didn't work/leave him with grandparents for the day etc. Could you do a 'trial' day leaving him with dh from am to after bedtime where you are nearer and if problem come back but put your mind at rest about longer trip?

[tatumsfunkychicken]

Go and enjoy yourself. If her daddy sometimes puts her to bed and sometimes gives her a bottle then they'll be absolutely fine. You don't need to take her everywhere like a martyr. It's reasonable to take a couple nights away. It's the most minute fraction of her life! I understand that it's sometimes insensitive or inappropriate to traipse a baby around in front of certain friends or people. I say go yourself, have a good time.

[lornathewizzard]

I think you should go. Our DD is just over a year old, and has stayed at GPs, and Aunties for a night or 2 nights every once in a while since she was 8 weeks old. Your DD and DH will cope just fine, and it will probably be good for their relationship. No need to feel guilty at all.

[Duckdeamon]

I wouldn't have gone for a whole 2 nights weekend at that stage when breastfeeding due to the risk of disrupting it (eg DC used to feeding several times a day and in the night, milk supply) when I wanted to continue, but if you're planning to stop bfeeding or happy to try it out and DD is used to a bottle it seems like a good plan for you to have a break and see your friend.

I think you should seek reliable babysitters so you and DH can have a break occasionally.

[BeautifulBatman]

Go!!! Ignore the naysayers. Your baby will be fine with dh. Get some practice in now, leaving dd to do bedtime etc with dh etc. I babysat for friends for a long weekend when their ds was six months old. We all had a great time and 15 years on, there doesn't seem to be any post traumatic stress!

[AngelBlue12]

I would have left DDs 1,2 &3 at that age but DD4 would have cried the entire time and been completely inconsolable so it really depends on your DD

[thatsshallot]

Blimey I had a miscarriage when DS was 6 months and then several nights in hospital around your dc age and all absolutely fine.

If you want to go and you have DH there I honestlyncant see the issue, after all he is surely an equal parent and no one would bat an eyelid at a father going away and leaving a baby with its mother for the weekend.

I think it would be lovely for them to have special time together.

[Bunbaker]

"Janethegirl, you do realise to never have a night away from your child is unusual, right"

I don't think it is that unusual. Probably more so these days.

[Bolshybookworm]

I have had to leave my clingy, breast fed baby for the odd night at 6, 9 and 15 months. Every time she was fine and content with her dad (and irritatingly, slept better for him than she normally does when I'm there). Your 10 months in to bfeeding so I wouldn't worry about a night or two affecting your supply, just take a hand pump for when your boobs get full.

It's natural to want a break every now and then. Enjoy it safe in the knowledge that your baby is with someone who loves and cares for them.

[mrsdavidbowie]

I left mine at 6 weeks for 2 nights and it was fine..then a week at 8 months. She was with her dad.. Her other parent.

[cantbelieveimonhere]

Thanks folks. Dd sleeps through the night, so no issue re nightfeeds. Would just express when away. Have set myself goal of deciding (and booking if going) today, before flght prices rise.

[Rockchick1984]

To be honest, I'd do a trial run first before booking anything. Depends totally on the baby - DS stayed regularly at the grandparents or with DH from about 6 months, he didn't care as long as he had his dummy whereas DD is clingy to me, and breastfed so I know I wouldn't relax as I'm pretty certain she would spend a lot of the time apart feeling distressed.

[cantbelieveimonhere]

Good idea

[sandgrown]

When DD was 8 months old I left her with my mum for two weeks while DH and I went to America . It was in the 1980s but nobody thought it strange. DD was fine and we still have the closest relationship. I often look after her children while she works or goes away. Have your weekend away, her daddy is quite capable of looking after her.

[HelsBels3000]

I would go - and have a nice break. Don't feel guilty! Surely your DH is competent at looking after his own baby? Personally, I'd be discouraging grandparents, time for DH to step up and look after your DD himself.

[PotteringAlong]

Think about your DH too - he would love it. My DH has loved the times I've left him with ours as he bonds with them in a different way to when I'm there.

[ListenWillYou]

I would go. It sounds like a fun weekend and your DH and DD will be fine together.

If you go you might as well go for the longer time.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

She's with her dad. just go. It's ok to shock horror have a day or two away.

be good for her to spend some alone time. With her dad without you there distracting her.

10 months old is more than old enough. It's so dramatic and martyr like to never spend a night away without the kids. go for it her dad is more than capable

[LikeASoulWithoutAMind]

Honestly, just go and have a lovely time with your friend. My babies were clingy too but were totally fine when I wasn't there. Maybe start getting in the habit of her dad doing bedtime sometimes before you go?