clingy baby - is it ok to go away for the weekend at all/one night/two nights?

[cantbelieveimonhere]

This is a cry for advice; particularly if you've been in a similar situation. What decision did you make? How did it work out? Would you do the same again? What would you do in this situation?

DD is 10 months old and has been "clingy" towards me, her Mum, since six and a half months.

Close friend lives in another part of the UK and unable to travel at the minute (not an option, owing to health issues). We had been hoping to meet in person this Autumn. We had thought I might travel to her. This involves a one hour drive to airport, followed by a one and a half hour flight. Owing to availability/dates/flight times etc the options are:

A) Leave Fri evening and return Sun evening. This would involve missing three bedtimes and two full days.(DD used to sometimes DH putting her to bed. That on its own is not an issue) It would mean an extremely long stretch apart. It would give better value for money. It would also give greatest amount of time visiting friend, in return for leaving DD.

B) Leave extremely early Sat AM and return Sun evening. This would involve being away two bedtimes and two full days. I would be up early (3.30am) and so likely be tired most of Sat and ?do away with goodness of even being away and not getting best of time catching up with friend.

Would love to go (dates looking at would be around 11.5 months for DD) but can't decide:
Is it selfish? Should I just stay at home and rely on Skype?
I need a break and it would do me good to have time off from parenting duties?
Just go one night?
Bite the bullet and go for two nights?
What will be the likely impact on DD and our relationship?

Unsure what to do.

[notascooby007]

Have a fantastic time you deserve some "me " time. I've also never understood why people don't have their dc sleep out, my 3 dc have regularly had sleepovers with grandparents from being babies my dm and mil are perfectly capable of looking after and settling my dc. I still have a life away from my children, they don't come to any harm at all in fact as they get older they ask to sleep at GPs as they love it ( I assume they get spoilt and get to stay up later but hey ho). I regularly slept at my GPs when I was young I was always happy and enjoyed going.

[PotteringAlong]

Have an awesome time

And DON'T worry (I know it's easier said than done) but they will be fine.

[Roseybee10]

Fab!!! I think it's so important to get 'you time' sometimes.
I didn't realise it was so unusual to leave children until I came onto forums and saw some of the reactions.
Breast feeding never worked out for us so it was easier for me to leave my girls. I left my dd1 overnight for first time at 8 weeks with my mum because I didn't want it to become a huge thing and I knew it would be harder the longer I left it. Think dd2 was about 12 weeks.

We're going to a wedding in London at the end of this month and leaving both dc (one is almost 3 and the other will be almost 7 months) for two days and two nights with their grandparents. It'll be the longest I've ever left either of them but there's just no way I could put them both through the journey to London (from Glasgow) then a full day wedding an hour away from our hotel. It's far less traumatic for them to stay in familiar surroundings with their grandparents tbh.

I hope you have a fantastic time. It will be lovely for your hubby and dd to have some time together and for you to have a break and good catch up with a friend.

[icklekid]

Yay well done!

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Have a fab time

and turn phone off

[cantbelieveimonhere]

Decision made. Flights booked! Thanks ladies for your input.

[MrsHenryCrawford]

Go and enjoy yourself. I left ds twice overnight with dh in his first year and everyone survived. Imo not leaving your child for ten years is a bit odd. My parents and my aunts and uncles all left their kids with their grandparents while they went off for a weeks holiday at some stage.

[BoutrosBoutros]

Agree with those saying go. I left DS overnight for the first time at 12 months for a 3 night work trip 11 hours away. For us it was the end of bf but that was fine (we planned it that way) and he was only down to one feed anyway. If we'd wanted to continue we could have.

You have given up your time and personal space for your DD for months and have a great bond with her but this second year has been wonderful for us in terms of DH becoming a more equal parent and me getting some choices back. I'm sure he'll be brilliant with her and you will have a great time with your friend.

Not having a single night to yourself for 10 years sounds very martyrish to me and no one I know has done this.

[broomy123]

Go! Sounds like you need a break. I'll get for this but I left my EBF four month old to go on my very good friend's hen do for two nights. I know some people think that's awful parenting. But I had an incredibly tough labour and recovery plus my baby has a lot of tummy issues that meant she didn't sleep more than an hour at a time if I was lucky! It made my DH realise how hard I had it which helped our relationship! If you BF just express when you feed, I had no issues.
I think the early you leave them the better, I think everyone in all relationships benefits from space! Go and enjoy yourself!

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Oh and turn your phone off or leave in hotel room so your not tempted to call or staring at it worrying.

A grown man with family near by who holds down a job and has a wife and a home should be more than capable of looking after his own dd fir a weekend.

mums aren't the only ones who can do stuff

[LikeASoulWithoutAMind]

Honestly, just go and have a lovely time with your friend. My babies were clingy too but were totally fine when I wasn't there. Maybe start getting in the habit of her dad doing bedtime sometimes before you go?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

She's with her dad. just go. It's ok to shock horror have a day or two away.

be good for her to spend some alone time. With her dad without you there distracting her.

10 months old is more than old enough. It's so dramatic and martyr like to never spend a night away without the kids. go for it her dad is more than capable

[ListenWillYou]

I would go. It sounds like a fun weekend and your DH and DD will be fine together.

If you go you might as well go for the longer time.

[PotteringAlong]

Think about your DH too - he would love it. My DH has loved the times I've left him with ours as he bonds with them in a different way to when I'm there.

[HelsBels3000]

I would go - and have a nice break. Don't feel guilty! Surely your DH is competent at looking after his own baby? Personally, I'd be discouraging grandparents, time for DH to step up and look after your DD himself.

[sandgrown]

When DD was 8 months old I left her with my mum for two weeks while DH and I went to America . It was in the 1980s but nobody thought it strange. DD was fine and we still have the closest relationship. I often look after her children while she works or goes away. Have your weekend away, her daddy is quite capable of looking after her.

[cantbelieveimonhere]

Good idea

[Rockchick1984]

To be honest, I'd do a trial run first before booking anything. Depends totally on the baby - DS stayed regularly at the grandparents or with DH from about 6 months, he didn't care as long as he had his dummy whereas DD is clingy to me, and breastfed so I know I wouldn't relax as I'm pretty certain she would spend a lot of the time apart feeling distressed.

[cantbelieveimonhere]

Thanks folks. Dd sleeps through the night, so no issue re nightfeeds. Would just express when away. Have set myself goal of deciding (and booking if going) today, before flght prices rise.

[mrsdavidbowie]

I left mine at 6 weeks for 2 nights and it was fine..then a week at 8 months. She was with her dad.. Her other parent.

[Bolshybookworm]

I have had to leave my clingy, breast fed baby for the odd night at 6, 9 and 15 months. Every time she was fine and content with her dad (and irritatingly, slept better for him than she normally does when I'm there). Your 10 months in to bfeeding so I wouldn't worry about a night or two affecting your supply, just take a hand pump for when your boobs get full.

It's natural to want a break every now and then. Enjoy it safe in the knowledge that your baby is with someone who loves and cares for them.

[Bunbaker]

"Janethegirl, you do realise to never have a night away from your child is unusual, right"

I don't think it is that unusual. Probably more so these days.

[thatsshallot]

Blimey I had a miscarriage when DS was 6 months and then several nights in hospital around your dc age and all absolutely fine.

If you want to go and you have DH there I honestlyncant see the issue, after all he is surely an equal parent and no one would bat an eyelid at a father going away and leaving a baby with its mother for the weekend.

I think it would be lovely for them to have special time together.

[AngelBlue12]

I would have left DDs 1,2 &3 at that age but DD4 would have cried the entire time and been completely inconsolable so it really depends on your DD

[BeautifulBatman]

Go!!! Ignore the naysayers. Your baby will be fine with dh. Get some practice in now, leaving dd to do bedtime etc with dh etc. I babysat for friends for a long weekend when their ds was six months old. We all had a great time and 15 years on, there doesn't seem to be any post traumatic stress!