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Parenting

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Original poster

visitors after birth?

22 replies

squaredcircle · 01/08/2015 21:28

Hi. My wife had our baby boy 5 days ago. He's the first boy to be born in 25 years (I was the last) and I understand the excitement but we've had visitors non stop for 4 days. We made it clear that we didn't want anybody visiting for the first week except my parents and her parents but everyone's inviting themselves in

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

caravanista13 · 01/08/2015 21:33

The first boy in 25 years. Shame the other children were only girls.

mojo17 · 01/08/2015 21:34

Your poor wife and you
Ok
1 put a. One on the door saying newborn baby and new mother sleeping please do not disturb, I'm sure you will understand
2 put the same kind message on your answerphone
3 same on Facebook and any other social media you use
4 personally phone some family and explain how exhausting this is and enrol them to phone the rest of the family kindly

Say also that you need a week at least and you will start to I vote them when you are ready

chandelierswinger · 01/08/2015 21:37

^^ That was unnecessary.

OP, things will calm down, honestly. You could always answer the door with a "we're having a quiet day today, Dr's orders... We'd love to see you tomorrow though!"

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Original poster

squaredcircle · 01/08/2015 21:40

I hope so! Poor boys being passed around every 10 seconds and my wife can't feed him without being disturbed. Wish he was a girl now

OP posts:

Holden10 · 01/08/2015 21:43

Don't answer the door

HazleNutt · 01/08/2015 21:45

don't invite them in. "Thanks for coming, but it's not a good time right now, we will call when we're ready for visitors." Yes, might seem rude, but people barging in when they have been told not to come deserve nothing else.

DeladionInch · 01/08/2015 21:50

Why are you letting them cross the threshold?

"It's not a good time, we'll give you a ring when things calm down "

Writerwannabe83 · 01/08/2015 21:53

Keep your front door locked.

LMonkey · 01/08/2015 22:25

Its such a beautiful yet emotional, tiring and strange time for all of you as a family. Its so important to have rest. I actually remember at our anti-natal classes they told us that for the first couple of weeks you should have no one visiting except the closest relatives (I.e.the grandparents). Everyone else can bloody well wait, first baby boy in 25 years or not! Please do as per the other suggestions, put a message on the door, social media, whatever you have to do to let people know. And don't be afraid that you'll sound rude, quite honestly I think its rude of them to just turn up on the doorstep at such a personal time. You could just be quite brutal when you answer the door or just avoid it completely by leaving a note and not answering, which you're perfectly entitled to do. Just do whatever it takes as you all (but especially your wife) need a break.

meglet · 01/08/2015 22:30

seriously, don't answer the door or phone. (i did this eventually after dc1, and pretty much banned visitors from the start after dc2).

You need peace and quiet to recover and find your feet as parents. you don't need every tom, dick and Harry popping in and disturbing you.

FannyFanakapan · 01/08/2015 22:40

try this

SantanaLopez · 01/08/2015 22:43

Well grow a pair of fucking balls and stop them.

Your wife has just had a baby, you can surely say the word 'no'.

NotCitrus · 01/08/2015 22:48

If they're the type of visitor who will look after both of you, deliver meals, and clean the place while you are tired, let them in.
If they just want to hold the baby and get in the way, tell them to fuck off, or rather, Mrs OP needs her rest as does baby. But a home-cooked meal brought round would be appreciated, thanks so much...

This is the best time to practice standing up to family as they'll forgive anything in the next few weeks!

whatsoever · 03/08/2015 00:07

Don't feel bad about saying no to people who have the bad manners to invite themselves.

I hate the way people think new babies are public property and expect to be waited on when they arrive.

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 03/08/2015 03:46

Inviting yourself over when someone has just had a baby is bloody rude.

You need to start saying no. I bet your wife is sitting there wanting her baby back.

Only1scoop · 03/08/2015 04:38

Say no and stop letting them in. We had no one for a fortnight.

Sparrowlegs248 · 03/08/2015 14:18

I said no to a friend yesterday who message me to say she had had a horrendous cold and chest infection, would pop in to see me and that i should put the kettle on!! I replied with 'not really feeling up for a visit,and probably better you don't come while you are poorly'

She's clearly offended and is now leaving it for me to visit her. Tough really, my baby is 10 days old, I've had a c section and if i don't feel up to it i will say so!

ButterDish · 03/08/2015 14:20

Your job is to be the gatekeeper. Why aren't you stopping visitors? And frankly if my family were only all agog to see my child because he or she was a particular sex, I'd be suggesting they realigned their priorities.

Lunastarfish · 03/08/2015 17:13

Don't let people in. If anyone texts etc just say it's not a good time.

My DD is Just under 3 weeks. When people visit I just sit there breast feeding or go to my room and feedfeed. Baby can't be passed around when I'm feeding (as my MIL discovered last night when she called with an excuse to visit).

PotteringAlong · 03/08/2015 17:18

Are they asking first? Then just say no. If not and you want some time to yourself then just go out.

BerylStreep · 03/08/2015 17:18

My good friend arrived when my DD was 2 days old, with her DC who had chickenpox.

I also remember sitting, shattered and in pain, and having to make small talk and cater for them.

Never again.

I don't think I saw anyone with my next child until about 3 weeks old.

Roseybee10 · 03/08/2015 22:38

It's mental isn't it!!

I took the bull by the horns and made arrangements with people before they could invite themselves over. So I text or phoned and arranged a date two weeks down the line where that person would come and then they had a date so they left us alone.

We then locked the door and didn't answer it unless it was a pre arranged visitor.
You have to be firm. The number of visitors we had with dd2 in the first few days (I had a home birth) was hellish and tbh I think it really hindered our bonding and breast feeding as I couldn't get peace!

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