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Parenting

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Original poster

Toddler won't share- help!

14 replies

Manoxlon · 29/07/2015 14:44

My dd is just over 2y old and is very possessive of her toys. Apparently she is very happy to share toys at nursery but when it comes to her own toys she's very possessive and throws a tantrum each time I get her to share her toys during playdates. Has anyone been there and got any advice?!?

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Giraffe5 · 29/07/2015 14:45

Same here. So hard. Watching with interest

mrsspooky · 29/07/2015 14:50

My friend had this and has found that they key is to take it in turns rather than to share, so to say its your turn now and next itl be friends turn etc, seems to work brilliantly.

Original poster

Manoxlon · 29/07/2015 14:57

Interesting angle, will try that!

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Glitteryarse · 29/07/2015 15:03

Yes to taking turns.

We had to do this this morning over a friggin glitter ball with mini mouse in. It was passed about and coveted like the crown jewels

KatyN · 29/07/2015 21:25

Turns totally worked for us, only a very short time each though, maybe count to 10. And if someone doesn't hand it over... Well they have to hand it over or it is taken away.

VikingLady · 29/07/2015 21:31

Yep, we do taking turns instead of sharing too.

It's an incredibly hard lesson for a lot of kids though. Most adults aren't that hot on sharing, so you can't be surprised kids don't enjoy it much!

RabbitSaysWoof · 29/07/2015 21:47

I find it helpful to respect that some things are special and let the dc choose what things will go up into a bedroom before a playmate comes round. We go around the house with a washing basket and dc can load up things they don't want to share its easier to have the blanket rule then that everything else out is shared.

If anything is squabbled over during the playtime I tend to just take it away and put it out of sight with little fuss rather than make a thing of it.
I totally get learning to be a good host, and not having something in front of a guest that you are not willing to share, but there isn't another time in your life you have to be totally submissive over all of your things so I'm not fussed about the odd thing being put away. Maybe you could try again with her picking out which things she will share and maybe taking those few things to a park meet up or something?
Also don't be embarrassed in front of the other parent because if they haven't been there too they will be even great sharers change their minds and don't want to some times.

Original poster

Manoxlon · 30/07/2015 13:26

Thanks for all the tips - Will try these next time. I suppose it is not so bad when the other parent sympathises with the fact that a 2y old is still learning to "have to" share their things. What I struggle with is when the other parent is (also) upset, suggesting that their kids were v happy to share at that age!

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elelfrance · 31/07/2015 13:30

meh, as far as i can see, ALL 2 year olds are crap at sharing toys, and those mums who suggest their kids have always shared happily, at best, have selective memories !!
Mine was a 20 month-old who didn't care who had what toy that turned into a 21 month old who would set off world war three over 1 lego block...
You just keep explaining, explaining, explaining, trying to distract them with other stuff (taking turns doesn't register with my LO yet, but i'm saving it up as a future strategy), and trying to keep physical violence to a minimum

elelfrance · 31/07/2015 13:32

um, i do of course mean physical violence between toddlers being kept to a minimum, in no way suggesting that adults partake !!

Iggly · 31/07/2015 13:35

Do you like sharing your things? E.G. if someone came over and wanted to play on your phone. Is that ok?

I find it better to have some select toys which are for sharing (well more putting special things away) and talk about taking turns instead. And actually that sometimes it is ok for a child to say no - you can be polite about and suggest they find something else to "share"

RabbitSaysWoof · 31/07/2015 15:31

Actually I think the other parents sound a bit precious getting the hump for a 2yo not sharing something with their child. Next time someone suggests your child is not giving enough start riffling through their hand bag, ask to take their car for a spin see how mature and kind they are.

rallytog1 · 31/07/2015 20:57

So hard, but so so so normal. Parents who tell you their child didn't struggle with sharing are lying. Just be consistent in whatever approach you take - it does get easier, I promise.

Original poster

Manoxlon · 01/08/2015 21:00

Thanks for all the great posts! Glad to see I'm not alone in this :-)

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