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Parenting

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Original poster

Practical help needed!

23 replies

MissTwister · 27/07/2015 13:34

I have a 3 week old and am after some practical advice!

During the night how often do you change your baby. We were changing her with every feed (2ish hours) but she hates it and cries and gets very awake and then hard to settle. Then I read that during the night it's okay only to change if she's pooed which we then did and she settled better. However this means sometimes no change for 6+ hours - is this acceptable? What did other people do?

Secondly my husband is back to work next week and I am very scared! In terms of logistics am I able to shower and stuff whilst leaving baby asleep in the other room? Also if, for instance, I am downstairs and she's awake in her Moses basket am I able to pop upstairs alone to the toilet or should I take her with me?

At the moment I feel terrified of leaving her alone for a second but assume I have to?

Finally how does everyone transport their baby up and down the stairs? We've been using the car seat but it's quite heavy for me to manage on my own as I have a bad hip. She feels too small to just hold though -only just 7lbs 5 now!

Thanks in advance for responding to all my silly questions....

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NickyEds · 27/07/2015 13:55

I've got a 9 day old and a 19 month old so we're thinking logistics too!

Changing- I change her for every poo or every 4 hours or so. If I were you I'd do it every other feed if it's disturbing her. Don't make life harder than it has to be!

Showering- yes, leave her asleep whilst you shower and definitely whilst you go to the loo. I used to put ds in a bouncy chair in the bathroom whilst i showered if he was awake. As I've got ds too dd is going to have to be left alone for a short time occasionally-it's like having a chicken and a fox living in a tree house!

You put her in a car seat everytime you go upstairs?? Or are they outside stairs to your flat?? Inside I've always just carried my babies (dd is 6lb 11).

Original poster

MissTwister · 27/07/2015 14:04

Car seat inside! Just feel too terrified to carry her - maybe I should get over it....

OP posts:

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 27/07/2015 14:11

Yes - get over it, and carry her! . You're more likely to drop the car seat than you are the baby. If you're worried because you have a hip problem, you could go upstairs on your bottom with DD in your arms.

At 3 weeks old, she's not going to climb out of her moses basket, or anywhere else you put her, and will be fine on her own in a room for a while, even if she starts to cry. I wouldn't leave her if I had a dog or a cat, unless I shut them out of the room, but otherwise, she'll be absolutelyl fine in a room on her own while you have a shower.

Or, if you really don't want to leave her, you could either put the moses basket on the floor of the bathroom, or in your bedroom and leave doors open so you can see/hear her.

Personally, I would try not to change her at all during the night, unless she does a poo, or unless the nappy was really full. Modern nappies are great for keeping babies' bottoms dry, and there's really no need to change every 4 hours unless absolutely necessary.

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Loveleopardprint · 27/07/2015 14:13

Miss Twister. Don't worry it all gets easier after a few weeks. I was terrified with my first DD but she is 15 now and survived those early days.
I used to put her in a seat when I had a shower and leave her somewhere safe for a couple of minutes when I needed the loo.
I am sure you are doing a great job and will find your own routine when you partner goes back to work.
Good luck and congratulations!

Teeste · 27/07/2015 14:45

If your baby is happy in a wet nappy then leave her. My DS bloody hates it, but is perfectly happy sitting in poo! Just watch out for nappy rash.

My HV said popping to the loo etc. was fine, leaving them crying for short amounts of time is also fine (especially if they're on your last nerve and you need a little moment to regain control). And yes, carrying baby upstairs is a good idea - I prefer a good fireman's lift myself :)

ch1134 · 27/07/2015 17:02

It didn't occur to me to change my baby at every feed. Just when he needed it. I carried him everywhere, it was gorgeous. You can carry them in the moses basket of course, but be careful. Leave alone while you pop to the loo. Leave the door open if you like. I brought the moses basket into the bathroom when I showered, or just had a bath at night when my husband was home to help.

Original poster

MissTwister · 27/07/2015 18:38

Thanks all for your responses - I guess I just need to relax a little and stop worrying so much. She just seems so tiny!!

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BeautifulLiar · 27/07/2015 18:48

That's pretty sweet, bless you :) my babies were 5lb 10oz, 5lb 12oz and 6lb, and I carried them everywhere. I used to carry my first around shops, we got lots of attention!

Original poster

MissTwister · 27/07/2015 20:01

Don't you worry you will drop them - especially if they wiggle!

OP posts:

Teeste · 27/07/2015 20:33

What about a sling if you're worried about dropping her? I found the Amawrap the best for me, nice and secure and DS loves it (some of the time!). Since it's just fabric, you can leave it on when not carrying the LO and just pop her in and out as required.

BeautifulLiar · 27/07/2015 20:41

Haha I haven't dropped one yet!

Original poster

MissTwister · 27/07/2015 21:15

That wrap looks good!

OP posts:

Four4me · 27/07/2015 21:28

You'll be great, in a week or two you'll be a pro and by your fourth you'll be hiding from them all in the bathroom and able to carry a paddying toddler and a newborn up the stairs at once
If the nappy feels very wet during the night just whip it off and put a dry one on, don't bother with wipes or water which is probably what is most unsettling factor.

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 27/07/2015 21:34

You are far far more likely to drop a car seat. do you really strap her in every time? Just carry her!

I only change poo nappies at night. From birth. Once they sleep through (hollow laugh) you won't wake her to change.

Yes, you can leave the room to shower? Why on earth wouldn't you? If she is awake some people (including me) prefer to take them into the bathroom, others just leave them to grumble a bit.

Caterina99 · 28/07/2015 07:59

I have a 5 week old. Definitely a bit of a shock to the system!

My theory is as long as the baby is safe ( in basket or cot) then I can leave him. A few mins crying isn't going to hurt him v me getting dehydrated if I don't have water or go to loo before I start yet another feed. If he's sleeping then that's a whole different ball game. I definitely leave him be and make myself a cuppa, have a shower or do some (basic!) chores about the house.

At night I only change a nappy if it looks full. it doesn't seem to bother him at all, so it's more that I feel bad leaving him in it for so long.

squizita · 28/07/2015 08:52

As she's not mobile, yes shower as she naps.

If you're very very anxious (I was) run a shallow bath and wash with the basket in the bathroom with you! Wash your hair with a jug (quiet). But really if she's sleeping anyway 5 min in the next room will be ok.

Take forums like this with a pinch of salt by going with the general consensus. Ie. What most moderate posters tend to say.
I tended to go with the most hysterical/guilt inducing/scary post. I ended up with anxiety and it might have contributed (or been a sign).
I ended up not washing etc and it was bad ... thought that was 'good parenting'.

squizita · 28/07/2015 09:03

Nappies are fine overnight if no poo.

A too heavy car seat is harder to move safely than a baby (also have bad joints). A stretchy sling or wrap feels secure if you want something to hold her to you but tbh psychologically it sounds like you just need to bite the bullet and carry her!

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 28/07/2015 09:14

Yes, just to be clear after Squiz's post, when I said I took them into the bathroom if awake, I meant I bunged the bouncy chair onto the bathroom floor and showered whilst talking to them through the door. But that's because I never had the sort of baby who was happy left alone if awake and I preferred that to leaving them crying in the other room (though the latter would not have harmed them).

If asleep, I left them be and grabbed my chance for a more relaxed shower. If you are a big worrier, put the baby monitor where you can see the lights if they wake (I never bothered).

Original poster

MissTwister · 28/07/2015 09:49

Thanks so much all, loads of great tips.

Squizita - I have always been prone to anxiety and this new tiny baby has set it off again i guess, how did you overcome new mum anxiety?

OP posts:

SleepIsOverrated · 28/07/2015 12:23

Look at all the adults you know. Every single one of them survived infancy, and I bet you're a better Mum than some of theirs!

It's ok. She's built to be dependent in you, but also to keep doing the things she needs to do.

You won't drop her, just snuggle her in when you carry her. You won't break her. And every single day she's getting a tiny bit bigger and stronger and more solid.

Your body knew how to keep her safe before she was born, trust your arms and heart to hold her safe now she's on the outside.

squizita · 28/07/2015 19:34

I had CBT and hypnotherapy from during pregnancy (I had previous particularly scary miscarriages so was also anxious then) and carried it on.
Also yoga I find enormously helpful to keep me on an even keel. Many places do mum and baby yoga.

Original poster

MissTwister · 28/07/2015 21:06

Thanks all for your responses they have been really helpful.

Haven't carried her up the stairs yet but have been practicing carrying her more today!

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LittleGreyCatwithapinkcollar · 28/07/2015 22:39

My DD is 14 weeks and I remember that being too scared to leave her alone even for a second feeling. I took the moses basket everywhere and just put her on the floor in the different rooms. Now she has a bumbo/high chair that she can go in for a few mins and is happy on a playmat while I eat etc so things do get much easier very quickly I promise!

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