Help, I think I may have spoilt my child!

[Kiwikiss1]

Hello,

My DS who is 4 years and his brother who is 2.5 years are both becoming a bit of a handful. The 4-year-old is constantly wanting things he sees on the computer (we let him watch the iPad occasionally) and TV. If he is asked to do something, the reply is always, "in a minute", or else he insists on negotiating (he could give a UN rep a run for their money!). If he wants something in the form of a sweet or a toy he will go on and on and on...

I know I am perhaps reaping what myself and DH have sowed, (I am not even going to mention his Nana, I have had to have words with her in order to stop the endless present buying)as in the past I have used bribery to elicit good behaviour and we have probably given in too often when it comes to buying Disney cars etc.

What I would like to ask is:
a) How often do your children get given toys? Is it just birthdays and Christmas, or more often?
b) How often do they receive sweets?
c) Is 4 yrs an appropriate age to start earning some pocket money with a few simple chores (going beyond tidying up toys).

Your thoughts are appreciated.

My two get the occasional toy outside of christmas and birthdays, but not very often. They don't need more toys, we have a house full already.

Sweets we give once in a blue moon, sometimes we stop for the odd icecream mainly because of their teeth and looking after their health rather than deprivation.

Four is quite young for pocket money, but a good way to introduce the concept of money and earning it...give it a try.

My mother always spoils my dds too, it is one of the joys of being a grandparent definitely and I wouldn't dream of changing it, it pleases me that she loves them so much. If you are worried about the sweet aspect, ask her to replace it with something a little more healthy occasionally, as you are worried what the dentist will say, blame it on the dentist.

Children have a lot more toys today than they need. Introduce the concept of recycling toys to children in need locally or at charities. Put some toys away and then switch them around so they feel new and unused. Most dc will go through the nagging stage. We choose to watch channels that did not have so many adverts, or any mostly, which helps a lot. We would always show our dc that the advertiser was making money trying to sell lots of toys, that we didn't any more toys. It is only ever useful at christmas in my view, to get some ideas.

A few extra toys every now and then does no harm IMO

I don't tie pocket money in with chores. Pocket money can be lost through and behaviour though. I think I started pocket money at about 6.

All kids are great at negotiating/persuasive...if it has been encouraged (by playing along, or by parents rejoicing at what a wonderful negotiator/future ambassador/future politician the DS will be).

At 4 they try their luck, but that does not mean they are spoilt. They can ask, you can say "no".

Children will always try to push the boundaries and it's really important to be consistent. However, I don't think the occasional extra toy does any harm at all - though I may be a biased Nanna! My DGD's birthday is close to Christmas and it would seem a shame to get presents all at once and no little extras during the year.

Mine get small toys or treats if they get good reports or star of the week in school for example but bigger toys for birthday and Xmas. They get pocket money for making their bed in a morning taking their finished plates/ glass in to the kitchen and for getting ready for school on a morning with out a fuss. I let them have treats whenever they want them as long as they've eaten all their meal and they ask (ie without helping themselves to the biscuit tin)- I should probably be a bit stricter with treats but hey ho. Mine dc are 8 & 5.